


A Bill In Another World

by Luunyscarlet



Category: Girl Genius (Webcomic), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bill is just so confused, Gen, Jagers, body switching, kids being kids
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-19
Updated: 2019-06-07
Packaged: 2019-08-04 11:27:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 53,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16345838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luunyscarlet/pseuds/Luunyscarlet
Summary: When six-year-old Bill Weasley woke up from a nap, he didn't expect to find himself in a completely new world. With completely new parents. And apparently, he's switched bodies with a completely different Bill who lives in a world filled with SCIENCE! instead of magic. This is not going to be easy.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a conversation (well, MULTIPLE conversations) on the GG Discord server.

In the summer of 1976, little Bill Weasley was put to nap by his mother. Usually, this event would be met with great protest, but since Bill currently had the dragon pox, this time he went to sleep with little resistance. When he next opened his eyes, he was shocked to find a complete stranger leaning over him. Bill gave a shriek and nearly threw himself out of the bed. “Mum, mum!” He cried. “Come quick, there’s a strange man in our house!”

“Whoof, that fever must’ve been worse than I expected for you not to recognise your own Papa,” exclaimed the stranger as he caught Bill from falling off the bed. 

“You’re not my Dad!” accused Bill as he struggled to get out of the man’s grip. “I want my Mum!”

A strange woman rushed into the room. Bill noted that she was pretty, but certainly not his mother. “It’s ok, Bill. Mama is right here,” said the woman as she knelt by his bedside. 

Bill stared at her in shock and then resumed his struggling. “You’re not my mother either! I want my _real_ mum now!”

The woman looked alarmed, and then turned to the man. “Saturnus, what’s wrong with him? Our son doesn’t even recognise me.”

“The high fever’s put him in a state of delirium. He needs a lot more rest.”  
Bill suddenly felt a sharp prick in his right arm. He turned to see the man put away a syringe. “That should knock him out for a while. He’ll only make himself worse by moving about. And in any case, I can’t start treatment with him struggling like that.”

Bill tried to take the opportunity to leap out of bed, but his limbs didn’t want to obey him and he was hit with a sudden wave of drowsiness. The strange woman gently tucked him back to bed despite his sleepy protests.  
“I hope your father’s treatment works,” were the last words Bill Weasley heard as he fell back to sleep.

————————————————

When Bill next woke up, the first thing he saw was a black canopy with constellations embroidered on it above him. Proof that he had not been transported back to his own cozy little bed in the Burrow. He frowned as he looked around the place. He had been too panicked the first time he woke up to actually _notice_ the room, but this was clearly not his home. The walls were made of stone and instead of his own little bed, he was lying on a four-poster bed with black velvet draping with a pattern of golden beetles on it. There were shelves all around filled with books and interesting looking toys that he positively _itched_ to play with. A toy chest in the corner hinted at more toys stored away. All in all, it was how he had always imagined a wealthy pureblood kid’s bedroom to look like.

The strange woman who insisted that she was his mother was sleeping on a chair to the left side of him. Even in sleep, she looked drawn and worried. Bill didn’t know why this stranger would think him her son, but he hoped that she would find her real son soon. In the meantime, Bill thought as he snuck out of bed, he would find his _own_ parents and go home.

Huh, thought Bill as he walked down the corridor. It looked like he was in a castle. Which meant that he must’ve somehow ended up in Hogwarts. And if he was in Hogwarts, Headmaster Dumbledore must clearly be around _somewhere_. Bill cheered up at the thought. Both his parents agreed that Albus Dumbledore was the greatest and most powerful wizard of their generation. Even You-Know-Who was scared of him. If he could only find Dumbledore, Dumbledore would be sure to send him back. He smiled to himself as he imagined being reunited with his no doubt worried parents. Were there voices he heard in the distance? If it was a Professor or a ghost, then perhaps they could lead him to Dumbledore’s office. 

Bill turned around the corner of the corridor and stopped in shock. There was a monster leaning against the wall. It had green skin, pointy ears, claws and a horn grew from the middle of its forehead. As it yawned, Bill could see rows of sharp, shark-like teeth lining a mouth that looked as if it could eat a whole Puffskein in a single bite. Bill took a step back, hoping that he could sneak away before the monster laid eyes on him. Unfortunately at this moment, the monster decided to turn his head and saw him at once. Its oddly human-looking eyes widened, and it gave a big yell of, “HOY!” Bill Weasley turned around and fled immediately. 

As Bill ran, he could hear the monster’s footsteps echoing behind him. He put on an extra burst of speed. He certainly did not want to get eaten by said monster. What _was_ it anyway? It was far too small to be a Troll or a Giant. Perhaps it was a type of ogre? In the distance, he could see the woman stranger coming towards him. At this point, he would’ve been happy to see even Great-Aunt Muriel. He practically jumped into the woman’s arms, causing her to take a few steps back as she steadied herself with an “oof”.

“There’s a monster behind me!” whimpered Bill as he clung to the woman.

“A monster?” she echoed. Bill heard the monster draw closer, and immediately buried his face in her shoulder.

“Oh, it’s... Konstantin, isn’t it?” He heard her ask coolly.

“Yah, Lady Teodora. Hy saw de young Master out und thought dat Hy should chase him back to bed, since he’s sick und all,” replied the monster. “How iz he by de vay? Hy heard from some of de odders dat he vas verra sick und had del-sum ting-“

“Yes, he was quite delirious last night,” answered Teodora as she put a palm to Bill’s forehead. “But his fever seems to have gone down and he _must_ be feeling better if he can run around like this.”

Bill peeked at the monster. It had a worried look on its face as it stared at him. Somehow, it - no, _he_ \- didn’t look so scary now. “I’m feeling a lot better now,” he quietly offered. Which was true, he _was_ feeling a lot better than he did before his nap.

The monster man broke out in a relieved grin. “Dat’s goot to hear, Master Bill. Soon hyu vill be running around de place und getting into mischief again, yah?”

Bill shyly nodded. The strange lady - no, Lady _Teodora_ \- then cleared her throat. “While my son may be feeling better today, he still needs his rest. Which is why he must be going back to bed right now.” And with that, she turned around and started carrying Bill back to the bedroom. 

Bill was just thinking of telling the Lady that he could walk on his own legs, thank you very much, when something on his right caught his eye. “Stop!” he cried. She stopped immediately.

There was a mirror to his right. In it, he saw Lady Teodora carrying a boy about his age. The boy she carried had dark brown hair and eyes, with no freckles whatsoever. He was clearly ill with some type of pox. Whatever it was though, it certainly wasn’t dragon pox since the rash wasn’t green-and-purple. Bill hesitantly waved at the boy. His reflection waved back. “No need to admire yourself so, Bill,” teased Lady Teodora as she resumed walking. Bill let her sweep him back to his room, his mind abuzz with thoughts.


	2. Chapter 2

After seeing his reflection, Bill Weasley now understood that he had somehow switched bodies with another Bill in his sleep. Was this something that _all_ people named William went through? If so, he sure wished that _someone_ had told him about this before. One thing he knew for sure was this: he was certainly not in Hogwarts or even in England anymore. That Monster Man’s accent was definitely not British, after all. Also, him being here clearly meant that Bill Whatever-His-Last-Name-Is was in his body. Bill bit his lip at this realisation. He hoped that the Other Bill was nice, and wouldn’t bully his little brother, Charlie, at all.

Another thing that Bill Weasley knew for sure, was that the Other Bill’s parents currently had no idea at all that there was a complete stranger living in their son’s body. So far, he hadn’t seen either of Other Bill’s parents using magic. Which meant that despite the presence of a Monster Man wandering around the place, Lady Teodora and her husband could very well be Muggles. This of course, meant that he could not explain the situation to either of them, or ask them for help. They would think that their son had clearly gone mad, and would cart him off to whatever-the-equivalent-they-had of St Mungo’s Hospital. The Other Bill would certainly not thank Bill for getting him put in a long-term mental ward when he got back to his own body. Which now meant that he would have to _pretend_ to be the Other Bill until they switched back. Bill heaved a sigh. This would not be easy at all.

“And here we are, back in your room,” sang Lady Teodora as she carried Bill through the door. “And it looks like the maid has already brought your porridge!” Bill made a face at that.

“Now, now, Bill,” chided Lady Teodora. “I know you don’t like porridge, but it’s good for you! Especially since you’re still sick. Now I don’t expect you to eat _all_ of it, but I do want you to eat as much of it as you can.”

Bill made a mental tick at this. So, the Other Bill hated porridge too. That was another thing that they both shared. In a way, he was grateful for the food as it gave him a good reason to keep quiet. He slowly ate the food under the watchful eye of Other Bill’s mother.

When he was halfway done with the porridge, the strange man that he had first seen, entered the room. “So, I heard that _someone_ has been feeling a lot better today,” he boomed heartily.

Lady Teodora smiled at the man. “Yes, he is. He’s still not a 100 percent better yet though.” She gently stroked Bill’s head. “All that running earlier seems to have tired him out. He’s a lot more quiet than usual.”

“Well, he _did_ sleep for a good 13 hours earlier, Teodora.” The man then looked at Bill. “Bill, do you remember who I am now?” he kindly asked.

Bill studied the man. He greatly resembled the boy he had seen in the mirror earlier. “You’re my Papa, of course!” Bill said confidently.

The man grinned widely at that. “Well, it looks like the delirium has resolved. You gave everyone a scare last night, young man! Luckily your brother, Barry, wasn’t taken as badly as you were.” He strode over to Bill’s bedside, carrying a black bag with him. “I’ll still have to do a proper check-up though.”

The man - no, it was best to think of him as “Papa” to prevent from any slip-ups - pulled out some Muggle-looking instruments from his bag and attached them to Bill with some leather straps. Throughout the examination, he made an odd, buzzing hum which was strangely soothing to the ear. Bill was so enthralled listening to the hum that he only noticed Papa had poked him with a syringe to take a blood sample after it was done. He then fed the blood to another machine, which looked like a silver box with gauges on it. Whatever readings his machines were giving him, he looked pleased with them. 

“Well, it looks like you _have_ much improved from yesterday,” said Papa cheerfully as he removed the straps and put his machines away. He then sobered immediately. “I still want you to get as much rest as possible though. Which means that for today, you are to stay put in your room. The maids will bring you food during mealtimes.”

Bill frowned at this. “But what if I need to use the bathroom?”

Papa chucked and ruffled Bill’s hair. “Nice try, kiddo. But you have your own bathroom-“ he pointed at a wooden door in the wall that Bill hadn’t noticed earlier-“right there, in case you’ve forgotten.” 

Bill grinned and shrugged his shoulders. “Well, it was worth a try.”

Papa laughed and ruffled his hair again. “Well, your Mama and I have some -ah, important work to do,” he said as he waggled his eyebrows at Lady Teodora - no, he _had_ to think of her as “Mama” from now on - who blushed and flapped a hand at him. “So, we’re going to leave you to catch some rest now.”

Mama pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Bill, there’s a pitcher of water on your table in case you get thirsty, and a bottle of lotion next to it for you to apply on yourself if you feel itchy, all right?”

Bill nodded and gave her a thumbs-up. Both of them smiled at him, and then took each other by the hand as they left the room. Bill waited for a few minutes, and then flopped down on the pillows with a huge sigh of relief. He had successfully fooled the Other Bill’s parents. Now, if only he could keep it up until he and the Other Bill switched back!


	3. Chapter 3

As Bill Weasley laid in the bed, his bladder suddenly made it known that he needed to pee. He jumped out of bed and rushed immediately towards the bathroom. 

After finishing relieving himself, Bill took a proper look around the bathroom. The bathroom was all done in black marble with the weird golden beetle design decorating the walls and towels. On closer inspection, the golden beetles had no legs, which Bill thought was rather odd. The bathtub only had two golden taps, one for hot water and another for cold, which was rather disappointing to Bill. He’d always thought that rich people’s bathtubs would be something like the tales he heard from his Uncle Clarence, of the Hogwarts Prefects’ Bathtub with its hundred different taps with various types of bath water, soap and foam - but he supposed that one couldn’t expect much from Muggles. He then washed his hands in the sink and decided to brush his teeth as well. The Other Bill didn’t seem to keep toothpaste, but there _was_ a bottle next to the toothbrush which proclaimed itself to be “Mechanicsburg’s Finest Tooth Powder”. Bill used that instead. As he brushed his teeth, the thought struck him that if he had switched places with the Other Bill in his sleep, it might be possible to switch back again by doing the same thing. Perhaps the first time hadn’t counted because he had been drugged! Excited, Bill ran back to the bed, pulled the covers over himself, and closed his eyes.

After an hour or so of tossing and turning, at least according to the skeleton-shaped clock on his bedside table, Bill had to admit to himself that this wasn’t working. He felt far too wide awake to go to sleep. Which meant that it was time to do research on this place. With a sigh, he threw off the covers and marched towards the shelves. He then picked up as many of the books there as he could carry and brought them back to the bed. 

Bill studied the books he had taken. None of them appeared to be guidebooks on what to do when you’ve accidentally switched bodies in your sleep, unfortunately. He picked up the book closest to him which was entitled “Better Living Through Chemistry: An Introduction to Mutagenics, Hallucinogens, and Soporifics" and opened it to see that someone had scrawled “Property of William Heterodyne” in large letters on the front flap. Well. That was _definite_ proof that the Other Bill was named William too, and not Bilius, or Bilgamesh, or something else along those lines. And now Bill knew what his surname was too. A flip through the book revealed that it was the Muggle version of a Potions textbook. Certainly no help to Bill at all. He put the book aside and looked at the others. “The Poisons ABC” and “Dumb Ways to Die In The Lab” were also discarded. “FOOF Is For Fun!” turned out to be a book explaining how you could use a substance named dihydrogen difluoride to make things explode. While his uncles, Fabian and Gideon, would find this interesting, it was no help to Bill at all. It joined the discard pile as well. The next book that Bill picked up was called “Clanks, Constructs, and Creations, Oh My! A Guide for The Young Scientist”. Bill had no idea what a scientist was, much less what clanks or constructs were, but he supposed that he _did_ need to know how things worked here, and the book did claim to be a guide, after all. He opened the book and started reading.

Bill read and read. He was so absorbed in his reading that he barely noticed a maid enter his room to bring him his lunch. He absent-mindedly ate it while continuing to plough through the book. Finally,he reached the last page. He closed the book and fell back on the bed with a thump as he stared up at the canopy. He finally understood why his dad was so interested in Muggles! They certainly could make such amazing things! (He couldn’t recall if his dad had mentioned anything about deathrays though). Why, he had never known until today that Muggles were the ones who had created dragons in the first place! He could understand why wizards had hidden all the dragons away though. It seemed that as soon as someone had made a dragon, a rout of knights would immediately spring up to kill it, which he thought was a very mean thing to do. He still didn’t understand what exactly a Spark was, other than it appeared to have something to do with inventing stuff. Bill gave a sigh. Unfortunately, he _still_ didn’t know much about this world, much less where he was, so it was back to the books for him. He studied the remaining books on the bed. “Fairytales of Mechanicsburg” looked like the most interesting option, so he chose that one. 

Bill was halfway through the book, and was learning a lot about this new world that he had found himself in. The stories were reminiscent of his favourite book, “Tales of Beedle the Bard,” which meant that he probably had to do more research on the veracity of these stories. So far, he had learned:  
1\. Other Bill’s family, the Heterodynes, were the rulers of a town called Mechanicsburg, which was somewhere in Europe. (He really needed to find a map afterwards to find out where exactly). Also, people outside the town were afraid of them, for some reason.  
2\. The Monster Man was actually called a Jäger, and there were _lots_ of them, all serving the family as both hunters and soldiers. They also lived for centuries, and according to one story, they were once human?? (Bill decided that this had to be fake, _no one_ would agree to turn into a monster, after all.) Furthermore, they seemed to be obsessed with hats.  
3\. The Heterodynes kept a _dragon_ as a pet?! Bill resolved to find out if this was true and if so, to see it himself. (Charlie would die of envy if he found out that Bill had seen a real live dragon.)  
4\. Could Muggles really bring people back from the dead? If so, he really needed to learn how to do it. (From the whispers he had overheard from his parents and other adults, the war with You-Know-Who was _not_ going well.)  
5\. The Castle itself was alive??   
6\. He still didn’t know what exactly a Spark was, or what they did. Perhaps he should check later if the Other Bill kept a dictionary in his room.

There was suddenly a knock on the door. Bill looked up to see a green head poking through the doorway. He recognised it as Konstantin, the Monster - no, the _Jäger_ \- he had met earlier that morning. 

“Ken Hy come in?” asked Konstantin. Bill hesitated, and then nodded. The Jäger brightened at this, and ambled through the doorway, nudging the door shut behind him. He then plopped himself on the chair next to the bed.

“Did my parents order you to come and check-up on me?” inquired Bill.

Konstantin shook his head. “No, Hy chust thought hyu would be bored, vot vit being stuck in hyour room all day, und hyour parents not letting Master Barry to come see hyu on account of dem vanting to make sure hyu iz getting rest. Also, Hy iz bringing hyu a leetle something.” He brought out a little bag from one of his pockets and offered it to Bill.

Bill took the bag and opened it carefully. The bag turned out to contain candy. “Yay, sweets!” he cheered. He popped one immediately into his mouth. “And it’s orange flavoured too! Thanks, Konstantin.” 

Konstantin beamed. “Hy heard that it iz vun of hyour favourite flavours, so Hy iz glad hyu like it.” He craned his head to take a look at the book that Bill still had on his lap. “Vot iz hyu reading?”

Bill lifted the book so that the Jäger could see the title. “Oh, dat vun!” he exclaimed. “Iz a classic favourite among Mechanicsburg keeds. Which story iz hyour favourite, Master Bill?”

Bill thought for a while. “Currently, It’s ‘Fetch and Carry’,” he replied. 

Konstantin nodded. “Mine iz de ‘Singing Bones’ vun. Und dat reminds me-“ he riffled through his pockets to pull out a pack of cards- “Would hyu like to play a card game?”

Bill studied the pack. European cards were most likely similar to British ones, and in any case, he was tired of doing research. “Ok,” he replied. “What game should we play?” 

“Has anyone taught hyu to play ‘Iz Dis Card Goot?’” asked Konstantin.

Bill shook his head. The Jäger grinned. “Oh, goot! Dat means Hy get to teach hyu.” He started shuffling the deck. “Dun worry, iz verra easy to play. Hyu’ll pick it up in no time at all.”

————————————————————

Bill was currently having fun. Shortly after he and Konstantin started playing, they were joined by two other Jägers named Johann and Radu. Johann was green-skinned like Konstantin, but had four fingers instead of five, and no horns at all. He also wore a pretty pink bonnet that he claimed to have won from a deadly warrior who had single-handedly defeated four Jägers, armed with nothing but a cast-iron frying pan. Radu on the other hand, was yellow in colour, and had a whippy rat-like tail. His hat was less remarkable than Johann’s, being a simple blue beret. Both of them had come in bringing sweets and chocolate, which Bill was only too happy to accept. They had also introduced him to other card games like “Hyu Gots My Hat” and “Everybody Scream”. So far, he had won slightly less than half of the games. (He was seriously suspecting that they had let him win most of the games, but he wasn’t too concerned about that).

The one thing that kept nagging at him though, was the story he had read about the Jägers once being human. He still found it hard to believe that any of the laughing Jägers around him had once looked like any other man. But, how to ask in a way that would not look suspicious?

“Konstantin, are you happy to be a Jäger?” he ventured.

Konstantin looked surprised. “Of course, Hy iz! It was vun of de happiest days of mine life when hyour ancestor Bludtharst, offered me de Jägerbrau.” He smiled at the memory. “Hy vas so excited about getting to be a Jäger dat Hy ran down de street, shouting about it all de vay home.” 

So, it _was_ true that the Jägers used to be ordinary people. “What did your family say when you told them the news?”

“Oh, dey were thrilled and proud, of course,” Konstantin assured him. “Iz a great honour to be offered de Brau, after all.”

Bill could hardly see why getting turned into a monster was seen as a honour. “Did it hurt?”

Konstantin laughed. “Worst pain of mine life! But when it vos finally over, Hy was a Jäger. Mine parents were so happy to see me a Jäger that dey cried. Of course looking back, Hy tink de tears were partly of relief, vot vit most candidates dying during the process.”

Bill stared at him in horror. “Most of the people taking the Jägerbrau _die_ of it?!” 

Konstantin shrugged. “Oh yez, happens all the time.”

Johann chimed in. “Iz not as bad as it used to be. Hy heard that when ole Vlad first made de brau, the mortality rate vas ninety percent. Now, after centuries of tweaking und experimentation, it iz down to seventy-something percent.”

Bill frowned. It did not seem to him much of an improvement. “Why did you agree to it when you knew the procedure was so risky?”

Konstantin looked surprised at the question. “Who _wouldn’t_ jump at it? Hyu’ll never fall sick, und hyu get to live for centuries. Hy is already over two hundred years old, und dat iz not old for a Jäger!”

“Also, ve is now a lot stronger und faster den humans. Ken go on for longer vit less, und ve heal faster. Jägerkin iz hard to kill, though not indestructible,” explained Johann. 

“Brodders, hyu iz forgetting to mention vun important thing,” cried Radu. When they all turned to look at him, he leered and said, “De vimmen iz all finding Jägerkin irresistible!”

Johann groaned and threw a pillow at him. “De men too, hyu forgot to mention the men!” laughed Konstantin as he pummeled Radu. 

Bill numbly watched them roughhouse. He still didn’t think that getting to be a Jäger was worth the risk of dying a painful death. 

“Hey, keed,” said Johann, interrupting his reverie. He gently patted Bill on the back with a clawed hand. “Dun worry about de death rate for the Jägerbrau. Iz chust like pipple say: no risk, no gain. Everyvun who takes it understands the risks, und frankly speaking, us Jägers are de vuns who got de better end of de deal.” 

“I still feel that the death rate is too high,” replied Bill.

Johann patted him again. “Yah, many of hyour ancestors thought de same. Who knows, maybe _hyu_ vill be de vun to fix de death rate ting.”

“Yeah,” murmured Bill. 

Johann ruffled his hair. “Hyu iz a goot boy,” he told him.

A voice that seemed to have come from everywhere and nowhere suddenly spoke up, “Jägers, be warned that the Lady Teodora is on her way here.”

The Jägers looked alarmed, and immediately started packing away the cards. “Hokay, Master Bill, looks like ve iz having to run now.”

Bill couldn’t help but be confused. “Wait, why does Mama coming mean that you all have to leave?”

Radu grinned, and lightly tweaked his nose. “Because hyour Mama vill be verra unhappy dat ve iz teaching you card games. She vill complain dat ve iz teaching hyu to gamble und all.”

“Be sure to hide all hyour candy,” warned Konstantin with a wink. Johann gave him a wave and then all three of them were gone, leaving Bill alone in his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to DocMatoi, Gelpens, Para and Katrinakrosp for coming up with the science book titles. Also special thanks to khilari, who let me borrow "Fairytales of Mechanicsburg".


	4. Chapter 4

Mama entered the room with a chessboard tucked under one arm. When she saw him, she put her remaining hand on her hip and exclaimed, “William Pluto Heterodyne, I can’t _believe_ that you haven’t taken a bath yet! Why, you’re still in yesterday’s clothes! Go take a bath right this instance, young man!” 

Bill grinned sheepishly at her. He’d been trying to put off baths as long as he possibly could. It was awkward enough having to pee in someone else’s body, but it was even worse having to bathe said body. “Aw Mama, can’t I do it later tonight?”

Her eyebrows drew together. “Bill, when I said now, I mean right NOW!” 

Bill immediately rushed to the bathroom. When a mum used the Mum-Voice, it was really best to do what she told you to. Or _else_. “Be sure to wash behind your ears,” came the parting shot.

When Bill entered the bathroom, he noticed that the bath was already rapidly filling up. Testing revealed that the water was at the perfect temperature. It made him wonder if the castle really was alive, but then decided he didn’t need to test the theory right now. He already had too much on his plate without dealing with a living castle. He made a mental apology to the Other Bill, closed his eyes and stripped out of his clothes. Throughout the bath, Bill tried to keep his eyes shut as much as possible as he scrubbed at Other Bill’s body, paying attention to his neck and behind the ears. (If Mama was anything like Mum, she’d check to see if he’d done it). Unfortunately, there were still a few slip-ups, but he hoped that the Other Bill would understand.

Bill was drying himself with a fluffy red towel when he realised that he had forgotten to bring a change of clothes with him into the bathroom. He felt like kicking himself for that. Now, he was going to have to go out wearing nothing but a towel in front of Other Bill’s Mum, who seemed a perfectly nice lady, but was still a _stranger_ , and it was just so _embarrassing_ and _awkward_ and - he turned around to see a set of pyjamas sitting on top of the bathroom counter. Huh. He hadn’t heard Mama enter, but it looked like she had. 

After putting on his pyjamas and combing his hair, Bill re-entered his room to find Mama sitting at the table with a plate of stew. 

“Well, don’t you feel much better after you’ve had a nice bath?” she asked.

Bill nodded meekly as he came to join her at the table. “Yes, Mama.”

She smiled at him and then pushed the plate towards him. “The maid brought your dinner while you were bathing. Why don’t you eat it while we talk?”

Bill gulped. It was rather stressful having to pretend to the Other Bill’s parents that he was their son, but there wasn’t really any other choice. He started digging into the stew so he wouldn’t have to answer many questions. His dinner was a type of potato stew along with some unidentifiable meat that reminded him of mussels. It was quite tasty, even if it wasn’t what he was used to.

“So, what did you do today?” asked Mama.

Bill shrugged. “Nothing much, Mama. Mostly, I just sat and read my books.”

She gave him a knowing look. “I see. I gather from the small bags of sweets and chocolate on your bedside table that some of the Jägers paid you a visit?”

Bill coloured. He hadn’t had time to hide the candy away! “They only came by for a short while,” he assured her. Konstantin and the others were weird but fun, and he didn’t want to get them in trouble. 

Mama raised her eyebrows. “Uh-huh,” she said skeptically.

“How’s Barry?” blurted Bill, desperate to change the subject.

Mama smiled at him. “Barry wasn’t taken so badly as you, so he’s quite all right if a little itchy. He’s definitely missing his big brother though. He was very upset when we told him that he wasn’t allowed to see you today.” 

She shook her head fondly. “I know you would have preferred him to be here too, but your Papa and I agreed that putting you two together would’ve resulted in a lot of mischief, and we did want you to rest properly today.”

Bill nodded. Well, now he knew that this Barry was Other Bill’s _little_ brother. Knowing that the Other Bill was close with his own brother made him feel a lot better about him being left with Charlie. He wondered if Barry was the same age as Charlie, but there was no way he could ask that without raising questions.

“Done eating?” asked Mama, as he finally set the cutlery down. He nodded his agreement, and a maid shortly appeared and whisked off with the empty plate and cutlery set on her tray. 

“I thought we could play a game of chess or two, before your bedtime,” she continued as she pulled out the chessboard she had brought earlier.

Bill thought quickly. He _could_ pretend that he was too tired to play a game and insist on going to bed early, but her bringing out a chessboard clearly meant that she thought he’d be happy to play a game. What if the Other Bill really loved chess and would never pass up an opportunity to play it? If so, then refusing to play a game would raise suspicions, wouldn’t it? 

“I’d love to play a game, Mama.” He already knew how to play chess from his parents, and Muggle chess couldn’t be so different from Wizarding chess, could it?

She brightened at this and opened the chessboard, revealing the pieces within. “Which side do you want to play?”

“Black,” answered Bill confidently. White always went first, and he could take his cues from her.

Studying the black chess pieces, Bill felt a chill run down his spine. _None of the pieces looked like what he was used to_. He took a deep breath. He could do this. It couldn’t be that hard to figure out what pieces were what. He looked at the pieces properly. Half of the pieces were smaller than the rest. Some of the smaller ones looked like monsters and the others looked more like people. These had to be the pawns. He set them in their places and when Mama did not comment, let out a breath in relief. Okay, he had identified the pawns correctly, now to the other half.

Two of the pieces were carved to resemble the Other Bill’s parents. These had to be the Black King and Queen. He placed them both in position. The other pieces were more tricky. There was a pair that were carved to look like smiling Jägers, and another pair that looked like larger, more monstrous Jägers. Hmm, according to the “Fairytales of Mechanicsburg”, the Jägers were soldiers. So, perhaps they were the Knights here? Which might mean that the bigger Jägers were the Rooks? Heart in mouth, Bill set them on the board. He risked a peek at Mama, who had already arranged all her pieces on the board and was waiting patiently for him to finish. Bill relaxed. He had guessed correctly, after all! Which meant the last two pieces - figurines shaped like men - were the Bishops! He arranged them triumphantly on the board and sat back.

Mama then moved her King’s Pawn two steps forward with her _very own hand_. Huh, it looked like Muggle chess pieces couldn’t move on their own. Bill couldn’t help but feel a little let down. Muggles could make such wonderful things, but they didn’t know how to make their chess pieces move? He copied Mama by nudging his own King’s Pawn two spaces forward. She then moved her Queen’s Pawn a step forward, and he moved a knight in response. 

Looking at the chessboard, Bill couldn’t help but feel relieved that had picked the black side. While the white pawns were easy to figure out, being identical white soldiers, he would’ve been completely at sea with the others. He was amused to note that the White Queen was depicted as a bearded man. The two most interesting looking pieces on the white side were the bishops. The Queen’s Bishop looked like a woman with wings, while the King’s Bishop portrayed a woman with a gold wire sphere.

“Check,” announced Mama. Bill looked down to see that she had checked his king with her knight. 

“Oops,” he said, and immediately moved his king a step backwards. 

Mama smiled, and moved her queen across the board. “Checkmate.”

Bill sighed and toppled his king, conceding defeat. “Guess Papa’s dead now.”

“That was a good game, Bill,” praised Mama. “Want to play another one?”

Looking at her eager face, Bill couldn’t say no. “Ok, but I’m bagging black again.”

Mama shrugged and started rearranging her pieces. “Fine with me.”

Bill still couldn’t help but be curious about the white side. “Mama, I know the black pieces are meant to be Mechanicsburgers, but who’s the white side?”

Mama looked amused. “Why, the white is meant to be the Storm King and his forces, of course! See, the White King is Andronicus Valois himself, with his most trusted Spark, Van Rijn, as his Queen. The Bishops are meant to be two of his muses, Otilia and Prende. The Knights are two of his Knights of Jove, while the Rooks are meant to be Simon Voltaire and Lord Keros, two of his closest friends.”

“Ah, I see,” said Bill. He had absolutely no idea who any of those people were, but they were clearly Muggle historical figures. 

“And now, shall we start?” asked Mama, moving a knight. Bill sighed, and moved a pawn in response. The game was afoot!

——————————————————————-

Nearly two hours later, Papa swept into the room. He strode over to where they were playing. “Ah, I see you’re using the ebony and ivory chess set I got for you for your birthday five years ago!” He pressed a kiss to Mama’s cheek. “So, who’s winning?”

“The Heterodynes have lost twice already,” replied Mama.

“They’re going to lose for the third time in a row soon,” said Bill glumly as he studied the board. Things were not going well for the black side. Mama confirmed it by checkmating him with her rook.

“Oh dear, it looks like I’ve fallen to Old Voltaire,” laughed Papa as he ruffled Bill’s hair. “So, how are you feeling today?” 

“Much better, Papa,” answered Bill, resigning himself to the hair-ruffling. 

“His appetite’s certainly returned to normal,” chimed Mama. “Why, he ate all of his potato-and-snail stew!”

Bill quickly looked down to hide his disgust. Wait, that weird meat in the stew was _snails_? Ewww!

Papa tapped him on the shoulder. “Bill, it’s nearly your bedtime, so why don’t you go brush your teeth before you hop into bed and let me do a quick check-up, hmm?” Bill complied immediately.

After brushing his teeth and letting Papa examine him, which did go a lot faster than the morning one, his Papa gently tucked him into bed.

“And now, I will tell you a bedtime story,” announced Papa as he pulled up a chair. 

“Saturnus, remember that talk we had about child-friendly stories?” warned Mama.

“Yes, dear,” answered Papa. “I’ll tell you the more fun stories later,” he whispered loudly to Bill.

“Saturnus, I heard that!”

Papa winced, and then gave Bill a wink. “Don’t worry, darling. This story is definitely child-appropriate,” he assured Mama.

Papa then launched into an amusing story of how Other Bill’s grandfather had once magnetized all the children in Mechanicsburg (including Papa) in the hope that it would prevent them from getting lost. Needless to say, things did not go as he planned. Halfway through the story, Bill felt his eyelids drooping. The last thing he remembered before sleep overtook him was someone pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case anyone was wondering, the Black Bishops are Carson Von Mekhan and Saturnus's chief minion, Igor. The Black Rooks are meant to be Generals Zog and Goomblast.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Barry finally makes an appearance.

Bill Weasley opened his eyes the next morning to find himself still in the Other Bill’s bed. They hadn’t switched back last night as he hoped! Were they going to be stuck living out each other’s life for as long as they both lived? Bill desperately tried to blink back tears. Yes, everyone here was kind to him, but he missed his home so much! He wanted to wake up in his own little bed, wanted to play with his own toys, wanted to eat proper English food, but most of all, he wanted to see his family again. Mum, Dad, Charlie, all of his aunts and uncles - heck, he’d be happy to see even Great-Aunt Muriel! And now...he might never see any of them _ever_ again! The tears slid down his face, and he buried himself under the covers, and bit at the pillow to muffle his sobs. He just wanted so _badly_ to go home!

Bill cried and cried until he thought he could not shed another tear. He laid facedown on the bed, feeling completely drained. He wondered if this was going to be his life from now on, living in someone else’s body. No, came the sudden thought. No, there _had_ to be a way back, he just knew it. He could check out the library. Surely there had to be one around somewhere. Perhaps there were books explaining how this had happened, and how to reverse it. Or he could talk to the Jägers! Even in the Muggle world, there were people who knew about the magical community. If anyone would know about magic, surely it would be the centuries-old monsters! Yes, he was going to find a way home, even if he had to walk all the way back to England! Feeling heartened, Bill dried his tears and wiped his nose before getting out of bed. He hoped that it didn't look obvious that he'd been crying earlier. 

Bill had just finished washing up and changing his clothes (with his eyes closed as much as possible as it still felt rather awkward) when the door slammed open, revealing a small, chubby boy with light brown hair in the doorway. The boy immediately threw himself on Bill, hugged him tightly and then broke down crying.

“Bill,” he wailed in between sobs. “I heard that you were really, _really_ sick, and it sounded like you were going to _die_ and - and I wanted to see you _so much_ , but _nobody_ would let me see you, and, and-“

“It’s okay,” said Bill, as he rubbed the boy’s back. “Please don’t cry anymore.” He gently pulled away from the boy, still keeping his hands on his shoulders. “As you can see, I’m perfectly all right now.”

The other boy - no, it must be Barry, the Other Bill’s brother - nodded and sniffed, wiping his nose with the back of his hand. 

“Now, where’s your hanky?” asked Bill.

Barry pulled out a handkerchief from one of his pockets. Bill took it and used it to dry Barry’s tears and wipe his nose. 

“Now blow,” he instructed. Barry obediently blew his nose. 

“There, that's better." He handed the handkerchief back to Barry who slipped it back in his pocket. An idea then suddenly struck Bill.

"Hey Barry, do you want to play a game?" he asked.

Barry nodded eagerly. "Uh-huh, what game should we play?"

"Let's pretend that a Dark Wizard has cast a Memory Charm on me, and now I've lost all my memories and-"

"And now we have to go on a quest to find all your lost memories, and defeat the evil wizard!" burst out Barry, beaming broadly.

"...right. That's absolutely right." Bill took a deep breath. "Okay, I'll start now." He threw up his hands in mock-alarm. "Oh no, where am I? What is this place? Who are you? Wait, who am _I_?"

Barry giggled. "Please don't be scared," he cried, taking Bill's hands in his. "Your name is Bill Heterodyne, and I'm your little brother, Barry, and we're both in Castle Heterodyne where we sometimes live. We mostly live with our mother down the hill."

Bill frowned. “Are our parents divorced?” Mama and Papa didn’t seem to act like a divorced couple, but then again it wasn’t like he had met any divorcées before this.

Barry shook his head. “No, it’s just that Mama doesn’t like the Castle at all, so Papa built her a house of her own.”

Bill pondered this. He couldn’t see why anyone would want to live in a house when they could live in a castle, but perhaps Mama was nervous about staying in a possibly-living castle?

“Bill, listen to me,” said Barry, as he gave Bill’s hands a quick squeeze. “An evil wizard has stolen all of your memories, and now we need to go find them and defeat the wizard!”

“Okay, but you’re going to have to lead the way since I’ve lost all my memories,” Bill told him. Barry beamed and then tugged him out of the bedroom into the corridor. 

——————————————————————

“Where shall we go first? asked Barry as they walked down the corridor, hand-in-hand. “Should we go first to the Children’s Labs, or the Gallery of Razors? Ooh, how about we go to the nursery?”

“Why don’t we go visit the dragon first?” suggested Bill. He knew he should have mentioned the library, but he couldn’t pass up the opportunity to see a _real-live_ dragon up close before he went home. He could just see the _look_ on Charlie’s face when he boasted to him about meeting a dragon.

"Yeah, let's go see Franz!" agreed Barry. He let go off Bill's hand and broke into a run. "Race you there," he called back.

Bill raced after him. If he lost Barry, it would be hard to explain to people why he was lost in his own castle. Bill rounded the corner and nearly crashed into Barry, who had stopped in front of a monster. Said monster looked like one of the Black Rooks on his mother's chessboard and frankly, it did not do him justice. For one thing, he was _huge_ , towering at four meters in height. His mouth looked wide enough to fit Bill himself and it was lined with hundreds of tiny sharp teeth. Thick brass goggles hid his eyes, and a small brass dome, scratched and battered by the passage of the years, appeared to be screwed directly onto his skull. 

“Oh no, a monster,” said Bill in a monotonous voice and he pretended to hide behind Barry. 

“Bill, you’re doing it all wrong!” scolded Barry. “You’re supposed to do it like this.” He held his head with his hands and pretended to look scared. “Oh no, a monster!!”

“What are you two doing?” asked the monster in an oddly pleasant contralto. 

Barry grinned. “Hi, General Goomblast. Bill here has had his memories stolen by an evil wizard named, um-“

“You-Know-Who,” supplied Bill.

“Right, You-Know-Who!” He then struck a pose. “And now we’re on a quest to find all of Bill’s stolen memories and defeat You-Know-Who!”

Barry turned to Bill. "This is General Goomblast. He's one of the eight Jagergenerals in charge of the army. The others are Generals Zog, Gkika, Khrizhan, Gargantua, Zadipok, Øsk and the Sneaky One. The Sneaky General is so top-secret that neither of us can know his true identity until we're all grown-up."

He turned back to General Goomblast. "I have to tell Bill who you are since he now has amsia."

The general looked amused. "I think you mean 'amnesia', Young Master Barry. Have either of you eaten breakfast already?"

As if on cue, Bill's stomach immediately voiced a complaint. The general looked even more amused. "I'll take that as a 'no'. How about we go down to the main kitchen together and have breakfast? You two can look for Bill's memories there as well."

“Okay,” chirped Barry. Bill shrugged and agreed. He _was_ getting pretty hungry, after all. He just hoped that it wouldn’t be porridge again. 

As they followed General Goomblast, Bill started taking a proper look at his surroundings. The occasional statue or suit of armour lined the corridors, and there were a lot of the golden bugs painted everywhere and fake skulls here and there (well, they had to be fake. No one could have _that_ many skulls in their home) but the walls were quite bare. Weren’t castles supposed to have pictures and tapestries everywhere?

“General Goomblast, can I ask you a question?” he began.

The general looked down at him. “Yez, Master Bill?”

“Since I’ve lost my memories and all, I can’t remember what the castle looked like inside, but I _do_ know that castles are supposed to be filled with pictures and tapestries and what not, and yet the castle walls are all bare. Why is that so?”

The general chuckled. “Of course Der Kestle haz plenty of artworks around. It’s chust dat hyour Mama hates most of it, and so because hyour Papa luffs hyour Mama verra much, he ordered Der Kestle to hide it all away whenever she’s in residence.”

Bill nodded in understanding. If the statues were any indication of the artworks here, they probably depicted people with not much clothes on. His own mother would certainly have disapproved of them. He was pondering on how to bring up the subject of the wizarding world without raising suspicion when they finally reached the Main Kitchen. 

The kitchen was bustling with activity when they arrived. A servant ushered them to a table in one corner and shortly afterwards, all three of them were served breakfast. Bill looked down at his plate. On it, he saw that there were a couple of fried eggs, cheese, smoked sausages along with some slices of tomato and cucumber. Both he and Barry were also given a glass of milk each, while the general was given a large cup of tea. 

Barry speared a tomato slice on his fork and turned to Bill. “Bill look, I’ve found one of your memories. Now you have to eat it to get your memory back.” 

Bill scowled at him. “You’re just trying to get out of eating your vegetables.” Barry widened his eyes in mock-innocence. “Why would you think that? I’m just trying to give you back your memories.”

Bill rolled his eyes. “Yeah, right. Thanks but no thanks.” But when Barry continued to wave his fork at him and give him pleading looks, he finally relented. “Okay, fine. But just _one_ piece. You have to eat the rest yourself.”

Barry nodded eagerly. Bill ate the tomato slice of Barry’s fork and chewed. “Oh wow, I can now remember my Papa. His name is Saturnus Heterodyne.” 

Both Barry and General Goomblast clapped. “One memory piece found, a lot more to go,” cheered Barry. 

“Yez, und now hyu have to eat the rest of your vegetables,” said General Goomblast. Barry groaned, but dutifully started eating his breakfast. 

Bill remembered that he did need to ask General Goomblast about the magical community without raising suspicion. Ah yes, he had it! “General Goomblast, I was rereading “Fairytales of Mechanicsburg” and I really liked the description of magic in it. Have you ever seen real magic yourself?”

Goomblast sipped his tea. “Oh yez, Hy’ve seen many magicians perform. Hy still dun know how dey do the whole ‘saw the gurl in half und put her together again’ without dere being any blood.”

Bill stared at him. No, that wasn’t - wait a minute, General Goomblast certainly couldn’t break the Statute of Secrecy by telling him about the wizarding world _in a crowded kitchen_. He could have smacked himself for the obviousness of it all. He would have to ask the general again when they were in a more private setting. 

————————————————————-

After both boys had finished their breakfast - General Goomblast having left them after he finished his tea earlier on - Barry turned to Bill and asked, “Want to go visit Franz now?”

Bill nodded. “Of course.”

Barry grinned and took him by the hand again and led him further down into the castle. As they walked, Bill couldn’t help but notice that while the walls were still mostly bare, there were a lot of the golden insects painted everywhere. 

“Barry, why are there golden bugs painted everywhere?” asked Bill.

“Golden bugs? Oh, you mean the trilobites. They’re everywhere because they’re our family badge,” explained Barry as they walked down a staircase. Bill still couldn’t see why they needed to be put everywhere, or why the family symbol was a bug in the first place when dragons were way more wicked in the first place, but he knew better than to comment on it.

As they descended down the long staircase, Bill heard a loud sound that reminded him of a freight train rumbling atop a mountain. He reflexively clenched Barry’s hand, who only gave him a squeeze in return. As they moved closer to the source of the sound, he realised that it was only someone snoring extremely loud. When they at last reached the bottom step, Barry tugged him to a cavern and sleeping there was the famous dragon of Mechanicsburg,  
Franz Scortchmaw himself!

Franz was big. He had to be over fifty feet in height. He was also green in colour, with a lighter green crest of spikes running down his back. There were some pressure gauges embedded on the side that Bill could see, and he slept curled around the biggest sack that Bill had ever seen. Charlie would die of happiness if he saw this.

He turned to Barry. “I dare you to poke the dragon.”

Barry shook his head. “Nuh-uh, _you_ poke him.”

“No, you poke him first.”

“No, _you_ poke him.” 

“No, you.”

“No, _you_.”

“You!”

“ _You_!”

“All right, how about we poke the dragon _together_?”

“Okay!”

Bill and Barry both readied their index finger. “On the count of three,” ordered Bill. “One... two... three!” 

They poked Franz in the side and immediately danced away, avidly watching the dragon. All he did however was grumble in his sleep, shift a little, and then went back to snoring. The boys looked at each other and burst out laughing, putting their hands over their mouth to stifle their giggles. 

“I can’t believe that we just did that!” said Barry, his eyes dancing with glee. 

Bill nodded. “Me either. We better get out of here before he wakes up. We don’t want him to get cranky with us for waking him up.”

“Uh-huh, but before we go-“ Barry stooped down and picked up a green scale on the ground “- I think this is another one of your memories.”

Bill carefully took the scale from him and closed his eyes briefly. “Oh, now I remember! We live in a town named Mechanicsburg.”

Barry gave a cheer before quickly hushing himself. “Oops, I almost forgot,” he whispered. 

“It’s all right,” Bill whispered back. “Now, how about we go to the library, next?”

“Can’t we go to the nursery first?” pleaded Barry.

Bill sighed. He guessed that they _could_ stop by the nursery for a while. Surely it wouldn’t take long. And in any case, he wouldn’t be able to find the library without Barry’s help. “Okay then, but you’re going to have to guide us again.”

Barry grinned and nodded and then ran back to the staircase, motioning for Bill to follow him before he started to climb. Bill hastily followed behind. He just hoped that he would at the very least find a clue on how to return home by the end of today!


	6. Chapter 6

After much walking, Barry finally stopped at a bright yellow door that was decorated with grinning monsters wearing jester hats. “And this is the nursery,” he said, and he opened the door to reveal _paradise_.

There were toys _everywhere_. Giant stuffed toys as big as an adult! Tiny clockwork dragons that flew around the room when you turned their key, and would with a whistle, would head back to perch on your finger! A train set large enough to ride on! And so much more! There was even a Quiet Corner, with a bookcase filled with what must be children’s books, and a table with some comfortable-looking chairs to read on. Bill Weasley bit his lip. Surely it wouldn’t hurt to play with these toys for a _little_ while. He could certainly spend an hour or so in the nursery before doing his research in the library, couldn’t he? “Hey Barry, want to play here for a while?”

A few hours later, both boys collapsed on a pile of cushions, laughing. Together, they had built an elaborate tower with beautifully carved metal blocks that had stuck together through some unknown means, “fought” for control of it, directing armies of clockwork soldiers and monsters and little toy cannons against each other (that had ended in a truce and the destruction of said tower), and had raced each other around the room three times, riding on mechanical animals. It was no wonder that Bill was feeling a little worn-out!

“Hey, Bill?” called Barry.

“Hmmm?” replied Bill lazily.

Barry passed him a stuffed Jäger. “I think this is another one of your memories.” 

Bill held the stuffed toy and closed his eyes briefly again. “Ooh, now I can remember Konstantin and the other Jägers!”

Barry beamed. Bill nervously smiled back. He was going to have to be careful about what memories he “regained” from now on. He was already running low on things he knew of Bill’s family and this place.

Suddenly, Bill heard the tune of “Pop Goes the Weasel” start eerily playing behind him. He slowly turned around to see a crank attached to what he had earlier thought was a giant alphabet block, move around and around. It was clearly moving by itself. Heart pounding in his chest, Bill watched the crank continue to move with trepidation as the music went on. When the music reached its climax, the lid popped out and a gigantic demonic looking jester sprang out!

Bill shrieked and scrambled backwards, away from it. “Come now, Young Masters!” it boomed. “Playtime is now over!”

Barry tugged on his arm urgently, pulling him to stand up. “It’s You-Know-Who’s minion, the evil Jester Clank!” he cried. “We need to get away now!”

Bill was completely onboard with running away. As they ran, he heard the jack-in-the box mutter, “oh for the love of our Heterodynes,” which was when the floor opened up under them, causing them to fall into darkness.

————————————————-

Bill found himself landing rather gently on the ground. An “oof” next to him signalled Barry’s presence.

“Barry, are you alright?” he asked.

“Uh-huh,” came the reply.

Wherever they were now, it was completely dark. Bill could tell though, that the floor they were sitting on was made of smooth, polished stone - perhaps marble? He was just deciding to stand up and look for a light when the floor sharply tilted downwards, tipping them into a narrow tunnel-like slide. As they whizzed down the slide as it bent and curved, Bill couldn’t help but give a whoop of glee. Barry clearly felt the same way, judging from the delighted shrieks behind him. 

Their ride ended all too soon when their slide decided to spit them out on the floor of what appeared to be a brightly-lit dining room. From his vantage from the floor, Bill could see the Other Bill’s parents seated at the dining table, along with another man that Bill recognised as one of the Black Bishops. 

“Ah, there you are! I see the Castle’s brought you two just in time for lunch,” exclaimed Papa.

Barry quickly stood up, scowling as he rubbed his bottom. “Papa, the Castle didn’t say _anything_ about lunch. All it did was to bring out that awful jack-in-the-box, yell that ‘playtime was over’ and then drop us down a chute!”

Wait, the _Castle_ was the one who was controlling that jack-in-the-box?! Huh. Looking back now, Bill could see that the voice of the jack-in-the-box _was_ similar to the one that had warned the Jägers of Mama’s arrival yesterday. He sat up. “Why do we have that horrible thing anyway?” he complained. “I mean, _who in their right mind_ would think that making that was a good idea?”

Papa gave him a rueful look. “Your great-grandfather. He thought that children just _loved_ jack-in-the-boxes.” 

“Master Saturnus, need I remind you that your father and uncles did love that jack-in-the-box?” came the Castle’s voice from the ceiling.

“ _I_ didn’t,” Papa stated baldly. “I remember getting into trouble for using a deathray, a bomb and old Vorthang’s lava gun on it. All on separate occasions, of course. After the third time my Papa had to fix it, he threatened to make _more_ copies of it if I ever wrecked it again.”

“Oh, I remember that lava gun!” laughed the other man. “I got into so much trouble with you for that, remember? It was bulky enough that it needed both of us to carry it, and then we lost control of it and ended up spraying the walls and floor and melting half of the furniture in the room as well!” He shook his head slowly. “My father gave me such a _tanning_ for that one.”

“Both of you, please don’t give the children ideas,” chided Mama. “They’re far too young to be playing with those sort of things.”

“Yes, dear,” replied Papa meekly, and then he gave them both a wink. 

“Saturnus, I saw that!” 

Papa winced and patted her hand gently. “Sorry, dear.”

Mama gave a huff, and turned to look at them. “Why are you two still standing over there?” she demanded. “Come and have lunch with us.”

Both of them moved towards the table and seated themselves at it. “Barry, who’s that man sitting next to Papa?” hissed Bill into Barry’s ear.

“That’s Carson von Mekkhan. He’s our Seneschal,” Barry whispered back. 

What on earth was a seneschal? Bill was just opening his mouth to ask when Papa decided to interrupt. “So Bill, I’ve heard that you’ve lost your memories?”

Bill nodded. “Oh yes, an evil wizard has stolen them and-“

“And now we’re on a quest to find all of them!” interrupted Barry. “We’ve already found a few.”

Papa looked amused. “I hope you have regained your memories of your dear parents at least.”

“Oh, I definitely remember _you_ , Papa, but -“ he pretended to squint at Mama “-you seem vaguely familiar, Madam. Have we met before?”

All the adults burst out into laughter. “Well, it looks like you two are having fun,” said Mama. “I hope that you’ll be able to find all of your memories soon.”

The servants soon came in with the food. Lunch consisted of soup, what appeared to be stuffed cabbage rolls, and a pork stew mixed with vegetables and - ugh - snails. The adults started talking about the state of the town’s finances, which Bill found rather boring. He and Barry on the other hand, started playing the old game of “foist-the-food-you-don’t-like-on-your-brother’s-plate-while-simultaneously-defending-your-own-plate-when-your-parents-aren’t-looking”. They still had to frequently pause the game whenever their parents glanced over at them, though.

“Barry, stop trying to sneak your vegetables onto your brother’s plate,” scolded Mama.

“But I was just trying to give him back one of his memories, Mama,” protested Barry. “It’s hidden in this eggplant here, see?”

“Nice try, Barry. Now eat your vegetables.” 

Barry heaved a sigh and then popped the eggplant into his mouth. Bill couldn’t help but smirk at him for getting caught. Barry stuck his tongue out at him in retaliation. 

“Bill!”

Bill quickly sat up straight. “Yes, Mama?”

“Don’t think that I haven’t seen you doing the same thing. You’re the big brother here, you’re supposed to be showing an example,” scolded Mama. 

“Yes, Mama,” he answered, abashed. He then made a face at Barry, who was silently snickering at him for being scolded.

As soon as they had finished their lunch, both boys asked to be excused from their table. Permission was swiftly granted, and they were off to continue their adventure!

“Bill, you still want to go to the Library, right?” asked Barry as they walked down a corridor.

“Uh-huh,” he replied. He had really wasted too much time earlier playing around. It was now time for research!

“Well, we’re definitely heading in the right direction then. It won’t be long before we reach it,” said Barry.

Bill nodded. He couldn’t wait to find a way home. As they walked past a row of doors, he caught a glimpse of something through one of the ajar doors that made him yell, “Wait!”

Barry stopped immediately. “What is it?” he called. 

But instead of answering, Bill pushed the door wide open and strode in. Well. He was definitely in a classroom alright. There were multiple blackboards set on one side of the wall behind the teacher’s desk, and two student desks were arranged in the center, and there had to be a globe or a map _somewhere_ around, and aha! There it was, a map of Europe, hanging on the wall! Well, it looked like Mechanicsburg was located in Eastern Europe, so all he had to do to find England was to set his eyes westward, and - what in Merlin’s name had happened to England? It looked like a chunk of it had been obliterated!

“Castle, why does England look like that?” asked Bill through suddenly-numb lips. 

“Ah yes, you haven’t gotten that far in your history classes, have you?” replied the Castle. “Well in the year 1597 - two hundred and forty three years ago, to be exact - a group of highly-ranked nobles attempted to overthrow Her Undying Majesty, Queen Albia, with the help of the mysterious wizard Pandorus Omnisiens and his cabal, and-“

“A wizard?” interrupted Bill, his voice faint even to his own ears.

“Yes, “wizard” was the archaic term for Sparks centuries ago,” answered the Castle, sounding disgruntled to be interrupted so. “Now as I was saying, no one knows what exactly said group did, but their machinations caused a good chunk of England to sink under the waves. Fortunately for the people of England, Queen Albia rallied the Sparks of her kingdom and together they-“

The Castle continued to ramble on, but Bill could barely hear anything past the rushing in his ears. His knees gave way under him, and he crumpled slowly to the ground, still staring blankly at the map. The only thing that was going through his mind was the knowledge that not only was he in a completely different body and country, but in a completely different _world_!

_Now, what was he going to do?_


	7. Chapter 7

“Bill? Bill!”

Bill felt someone shaking him vigorously and looked up to see Barry’s worried face. 

“Are you okay? You just went all white, and then collapsed on the ground.”

Bill tried to smile at him. “I’m alright. I just... got caught in one of You-Know-Who’s confusion traps, that’s all.”

Barry didn’t look convinced. “Do you want to go lie down, Bill?”

“Indeed,” agreed the Castle. “If you are feeling unwell, it is best to rest for a while. Shall I inform your father of your condition?”

“No!” yelled Bill, stunning them both. If his Other Parents found out about this, they’d be sure to insist on bed rest and confining him to his bedroom again and _then_ how would he find a way home? And there _had_ to be a way home, there just had to be.

“It was just a - a sudden bout of dizziness. But now it’s passed, and I’m feeling much better already,” he insisted. 

“Are you sure?” asked Barry, still looking worried. Bill nodded firmly.

All of the classroom windows creaked as the Castle thought about its decision. It finally said, “I suppose you’d know your body better than I do. But if it happens again, I’m informing your father.”

Bill shrugged. “That’s fair, I guess.”

He then got to his feet, accepting Barry’s hand when he tried to help him up. “Now let’s go to the library, Barry. I don’t think there are any of my memories here.”

Barry nodded and gently led him out of the classroom, holding his hand as they went.

————————————————

As they walked down the corridor, Bill noted that Barry was still holding his hand. Judging from the frequent side-glances and the slow pace that he was keeping, Bill guessed that he was still worried about his brother’s health. Bill couldn’t help but feel a twinge of guilt at this. Barry was just a kid about Charlie’s age who clearly loved and adored his big brother, and here he was, manipulating him into acting as his guide in this new world, by pretending to be his brother. Bill tried to console himself by reminding himself that the faster he found a way back to his own world, the faster Barry would get back his beloved brother. 

He really, _really_ hoped that he’d be able to find something in the library that would help him get back home.

In the distance, Bill heard a faint “nyar, nyar” that was becoming louder and louder. It turned out to belong to a big red spider with yellow and green stripes who was chasing a rat with a knife and fork clenched in two of its legs. Both the spider and rat waved at the boys as they ran past them. The boys waved back. Bill shook his head slowly in bemusement. This world was just getting weirder and weirder by the hour - and he hadn’t even stepped outside yet!

Finally they reached the library where its heavy wooden doors inlaid with ivory immediately swung open on their arrival to reveal a humongous room containing more books than Bill had ever seen in his entire life. The library didn’t contain just books, but also a glass cabinet displaying tribal masks, jars containing strange preserved creatures, statues placed here and there, and various knickknacks. It was topped by a dome of glass, and there were big, narrow cages suspending from the ceiling that were all currently empty. Bill couldn’t help but wonder what birds had once resided in those cages. Ostriches perhaps?

Barry guided him to a couch. “Bill, why don’t you sit here and rest while I go look for your memories?”

“Okay,” agreed Bill. “Since you’re searching, a piece of my memory is probably hidden in one of these books.”

Barry looked around the room. “But there’s got to be *millions* of books here!” he cried. “How will I find the right one?”

Bill pretended to ponder the question. “Hmmm, I bet that it’s hidden in a book about traveling to different worlds. I mean, if I were You-Know-Who, that’s where I’d put it.”

Fortunately, Barry didn’t think that it was rather odd that a memory piece would be hidden in a book about such a specific subject as he nodded eagerly and then disappeared into the maze of bookshelves. In the meantime while waiting for him, Bill busied himself with examining the skeleton of some sort of monster mounted on a plinth nearby. According to the plinth, it was a Carnivorous Bat-Rabbit.

“Bill!”

Bill whirled around to see Barry attempting to look strict, while carrying two books. “You’re supposed to be resting on the couch, not moving around,” he scolded.

“And I told you earlier, I’m feeling fine now,” Bill said patiently. “But if it makes you feel better, I’ll go sit back on the couch.” 

Barry nodded approvingly. Once Bill had reseated himself, he triumphantly presented him with the book he had found. Bill looked at the cover depicting two men posing with half-open shirts. “Hans and Konrad go to Mars?” 

Barry beamed. “It’s what you wanted - a book about travelling to a different world. See?” And he flipped the book over, revealing its summary.

“After defeating the evil Scorpion King and his army of mechanical chimeras, Hans and Konrad discover a portal that brings them to Mars. What new adventures and deadly perils await our two - this word had been smudged out - in this new world? Find out in this latest installation of ‘The Bavarian Brothers’ series,” read Bill. He frowned down at the book. He was half-sure that it was fictional.

“What’s the other book you’re holding, Barry?” he asked.

Barry proudly showed him a child’s picture book. “It’s ‘Master Faustus Builds A Town!’ I thought that we could read our books together.”

Bill looked at the picture book. It showed a smiling man accompanied by Jägers and townspeople, with what must be Castle Heterodyne in the background. “Uh, sure. Thanks for finding the book for me.”

Barry’s smile grew even bigger. “No problem, Bill. Now in order for you to get your memory back, you’re going to have to open it.”

Bill obediently opened the book to the first page. He closed his eyes briefly. “Oh, I remember our Mama now!”

Barry gave a brief cheer, plopped down next to him, opened his picture book and began reading. Bill glanced down at his book again. It still looked like a fictional book - but then again, what if it _wasn’t_? If it was real, it could give him a clue on how to return home. Mind made up, he started reading. 

A couple of hours later, Bill finally reached the last page. Well, that was a complete bust! While the story _had_ been interesting - except for the gross kissing scenes with the twin Martian Princesses, which he had skipped - it still hadn’t given any clues on getting back. He glanced over at Barry, only to find that his Other Brother had fallen asleep, his book dangling from his fingertips. He gently took the book away and placed it beside him. 

A sudden noise made his head shoot up. He looked around to see Radu moving furtively among the bookshelves. He was clearly trying to be sneaky, but his exaggerated movements and frequent glances over his shoulder only made him stand out more. Bill grinned mischievously to himself. Since Radu was clearly up to something, perhaps he should go see what he was doing. 

Bill slowly crept up on Radu, and when he judged the time was right, he swung out in front of him. “Hi, Radu!” 

Radu jumped back with a yelp. “Oh hi, Master Bill. Hy didn’t know hyu were here,” he said, tail lashing nervously around him as he gripped a book tightly in his hand.

“What are you doing here anyway?” Bill squinted at the title of the book he was holding. “Love Among The Sands: A Scandalous Affair of a Barbarian Queen and a Construct?”

Radu yelped again and hastily stuffed the book on a shelf high above Bill’s head.

“Iz not mine!” he insisted. “Hy iz chust... returning it for a friend. Yah, that’s right, a friend!”

Bill smiled at him. “It’s okay. I won’t tell anyone that you read romance books.”

“Oh, but I will!” announced the Castle suddenly, causing them both to jump. “I’m going to tell _everyone_ in town that you read trashy romance novels,” it said gleefully.

Radu glared at the ceiling. “Hyu -“ his eyes flicked towards Bill “- bad, mean, wicked old pile of bricks! Hyu _promised_ dat hyu wouldn’t tell anyone!”

“I changed my mind,” the Castle informed him cheerfully. 

Bill put his hands on his hips, looked up at the ceiling and said in his most commanding voice, “Castle, I order you not to tell anyone about Radu’s reading choices.” 

“Heterodyne Heir, you may be, Young Master Bill, but you’re still very much a child, and I don’t have to obey you if I don’t want to,” retorted the Castle.

Bill stamped his foot. “Then I’ll tell Papa on you! I’ll tell him what a mean tattletale you are, and then you’ll be in trouble!”

There was a long pause as they waited, and then - “Oh, you’re no _fun_!” grumbled the Castle, and a door slammed somewhere in the distance.

“So...,”ventured Bill, chewing his lower lip, “is that a yes or a no?”

“It’s definitely telling efferyone,” Radu predicted gloomily, his shoulders slumped down and his ears drooping. “But tanks for trying enyway, Master Bill.”

“I’m starting to see why Mama didn’t want to live here,” muttered Bill as he folded his arms.

“Ho, yez! I neffer vunce blamed her for dat,” replied the Jäger. He gave a huge sigh. “Vell, Hy guess dat it’s partly mine fault for actually _believing_ dat Der Kestle would keep its word. Best dat Hy go face de music, und get it over vit.”

He slowly trudged over to the exit. When he was at the door, Bill called out, “Radu?”

Radu turned back to look at him. “Yez, Master Bill?”

“Have you ever been to another world?” he asked.

The Jäger nodded. “Ho yez, chust de vun though. It vas de vun vit de baby trees.”

Bill furrowed his brow. “Baby trees?” he asked, incredulously.

Radu grinned. “Vell, hyu see, in dat world, pipple couldn’t haff babies in de normal way, so if dey vanted babies, dey would go pluck a baby for demselves from a baby tree.”

Bill’s eyebrows shot up. “Seriously?” he squeaked.

Radu nodded again vigorously. “Ho, yez. Und next to de baby trees, grew puppy trees, und next to dat were kitty trees, und dere were even leetle lamb trees, und-“

Bill hurled a skull-shaped paperweight at Radu that he had found on the shelf next to him. “You’re teasing me!” he squawked.

The paperweight fell far past its intended target, and Radu ran off, cackling all the while. 

Bill rubbed his face, hard. Well, it looked like Radu was no help at all. He then looked up at the ceiling. His father had warned him never to trust anything if you couldn't see where it kept its brain, but... it wasn't like he had many options. “Castle?” he ventured.

“Yes?” came the reply.

“Has anyone in the family ever went to Mars before?” he asked.

“I’m afraid not, Young Master,” answered the Castle. “Despite multiple attempts, space travel is not yet a reality. Why the sudden question?”

Bill shrugged. “I just thought that the Hans and Konrad story about Mars was wicked, and wondered if anyone had ever been to a different world before,” he lied.

The Castle scoffed. “That piece of doggerel should never have been in my library in the first place! It accidentally got into a pile of books that your grandfather - heh - ‘acquired’ during his travels, and now I’m stuck with it because both your grandfather _and_ father think that book-burning is a crime. Hah! That book’s very _existence_ is a crime in my opinion!” 

A statue of a demon turned to look at Bill. “I don’t suppose that you couldn’t ‘accidentally’ set it on fire, could you?” it said, in the Castle’s voice. 

Bill shook his head. “Nuh-uh, I’m not getting into trouble with Papa because of you.” An idea suddenly struck him. “How about this? I’ll bring the book back to Mama’s house. That way, you won’t have to deal with it in your library anymore. In return, you have to tell me whether there are any books here about world-traveling.”

The demon statue tilted its head. “I suppose that’s the best I’m going to get, so I’ll take you up on that. Alright, I’ll tell you this: a few of your ancestors _have_ travelled to different worlds before - which is not the same as another planet. The first to do so was your ancestor, Damian Heterodyne. On a journey to Budapest, he, his minions and a good chunk of the army were accidentally transported to a different dimension. Apparently, a group of wizards there were attempting to summon a demonic army from the Nether Realms, but they botched the ritual and got your ancestor and his forces instead.”

The Castle chuckled meanly. “They lived only long enough to regret their mistake - your ancestor did _not_ appreciate being yanked to another world only to be told that he needed to obey orders.”

Bill could hardly hide his elation. Finally, a clue on going home! “So, how did he get back?”

“It’s a rather long story, but he finally found a way to return to Mechanicsburg, though it took him two years to do so. His chief minion, Katerina Von Duisburg, wrote down an account of their journey in her journals, as a matter of fact,” said the Castle. 

Bill shuddered in horror. Two whole years of having to be William Pluto Heterodyne was far too long for him! He needed to get back. Quick! Trying not to seem too desperate, he said, “Wow, that sounds really interesting! I’d really love to read that account.”

“Alas, Young Master, her journals are _far_ too fragile for me to be comfortable with putting them in your hands. In any case, reading fourteenth century German is beyond your capabilities for now,” the Castle told him. “But fortunately for you, her descendant, Albrecht Von Mekkhan made translations of her journals. He later went on to market them as a book series called ‘The Chronicles Of A Perpetually Irritated Minion’. They became quite the bestsellers indeed.”

Bill looked at the vast number of books present in the library, and gulped. It would take him _weeks _to find those journals without help. “So, where do I find those books?”__

__The floor under his feet gave a sudden ripple, and the next thing Bill knew, he was being pushed across the floor by the very stones itself. “It’s far easier to just move you there myself,” explained the Castle._ _

__He was finally deposited at a bookshelf at the edge of the library. “The books you’re looking for should be on the lowermost shelf,” continued the Castle._ _

__“Thank you, Castle,” said Bill absently as he scanned the titles for the book he was looking for. “A thought suddenly occurred to him. “Wait, why didn’t you talk to me yesterday?” he demanded, looking up at the ceiling again._ _

__“Because your dear _mother_ ordered me not to talk to you unless spoken to first, or if someone wanted me to pass on a message to you, and your father backed her up,” replied the Castle tartly. “Apparently she thinks that I’ll be a ‘bad influence’ on you two.” It gave a sniff. “The nerve of that woman! Why, I’ve practically raised _generations_ of Heterodynes under my roof, and they’ve all turned out as proper Heterodynes, and a credit to their House and town.”_ _

__“You talked to the Jägers when they were with me,” Bill pointed out._ _

__The Castle gave a nasty snigger. “Well, Mistress Goody Two-Shoes never said that I couldn’t talk to other people when you’re around, did she?”_ _

__Bill quickly looked down to hide his nervous expression under the pretence of examining the book titles closer. He wondered if his Other Mother knew how much the Castle detested her._ _

__Finally, he spied the complete series of ‘The Chronicles Of A Perpetually Irritated Minion’, which turned out to be on the second lowest shelf, instead of the lowermost. He was prying out the first volume when the Castle helpfully interjected, “The first volume is about how Katerina met Damian Heterodyne, and became his chief minion. If you’d like to skip straight to the part where they got abducted to another world, start with volume III.”_ _

__Bill thanked the Castle for telling him, and pulled out the third volume. He then sat down on the floor, and began to read._ _

__————————————————————_ _

__Well... the world that the author of the journals and the others had been transported to was definitely not his own. While said world _did_ have elves and goblins and gnomes too, they all seemed a lot different from the ones at home. Even the magic described here was different from his home world. There seemed to be a lot of wandless magic for one._ _

__He could also see why the author got frequently annoyed with her Spark. Even though their objective was to get home as soon as possible, Damian Heterodyne was very easily distracted by the wonders of that world - especially the magical creatures. He had to giggle over Other Bill’s ancestor’s latest exploit where he had tried to tame a wild pegasus by jumping onto its back, and the beast had responded by panicking and flying off with him still on its back, and the entire army had to chase after him for hours while they tried to bring down the pegasus without hurting their master._ _

__When Bill was halfway through the book, there was a sudden grinding of stones, which made him think of someone clearing their throat, and the Castle said, “Master Bill, I hate to interrupt your reading, but your mother is requesting your presence at dinner.”_ _

__“Five more minutes, “ replied Bill as he continued to read._ _

__A few minutes later, Barry turned up with the Bavarian Brothers novel, tucked under one arm. "Bill, the Castle says that Mama wants us to come down for dinner. And also, the Castle says that you promised to take this book back to our house."_ _

__"Just five more minutes," replied Bill absently._ _

__"You already said that five minutes ago," the Castle reminded him. "It's time for you to get up now."_ _

__Bill groaned and got to his feet. He was just about to dog-ear his page when a bookmark fell on his head. He made a face at the ceiling but dutifully stuck it in the book. Impulsively, he took out the fourth and fifth volume of the series. Just in case they continued the tale. "Okay," he said, turning to Barry, "now, we can go."_ _

__"What books are those, Bill?" asked Barry as they walked out of the library._ _

__"It's about our ancestor, Damian Heterodyne, and all the adventures he had with his chief minion. Volume III is when they get kidnapped by wizards to another world, along with part of the army," explained Bill._ _

__Barry shook his head slowly in disbelief. "I bet those wizards ended up dead pretty fast."_ _

__"Uh-huh," agreed Bill._ _

__Just then, a man rounded the corner and came striding towards them. He looked like he had been hit by a mis-cast Colour Change Charm as his skin was bright purple in colour. As he came closer, Bill recognised him as the second Black Bishop from his Other Mother’s chessboard._ _

__“Ah-ha, the dreaded wizard, You-Know-Who has made an appearance!” cried Barry, as he jumped in front of Bill. He struck a dramatic pose. “We, the Heterodyne Brothers, have come to retrieve the memories that you have stolen. Now, stand and fight!”_ _

The man put his hands on his hips as he scowled down at Barry. From this distance, Bill could see the various stitches that marked him as a patchwork construct. “Boys, I don’t have time to play with you,” he lisped. “Your father has apparently started an experiment -without me, I may add - and I need to go to make sure he doesn’t accidentally blow himself up. And if I catch that _idiot_ using mouth pipettes _one more time_ , I swear I’m going to smack him so hard that they’ll be able to hear it in Paris!” 

__And with that, he immediately strode off again._ _

__Bill gave Barry a nudge. “Who was that man?”_ _

__Barry stared at him for a moment before recovering. “Oh, right! I almost forgot that we haven’t gotten all your memories yet. That was just Igor, Papa’s chief minion. That means he’s Papa’s main lab assistant, and gets to boss all the other minions around, except Carson and the Jägers.”_ _

__Bill nodded. “I see.” Well, that certainly explained why he was depicted as one of the bishops on the chessboard. He still wasn’t entirely sure what a Seneschal did though._ _

__Barry led them to a dining room, smaller than the one they had used for lunch earlier. Mama was already sitting at the table waiting for them. Papa was clearly still busy doing experiments in his laboratory. Bill couldn’t help but wonder if Igor really had smacked him for using mouth pipettes - whatever they were._ _

__Mama smiled at them. “There you two are. Judging from the books you’re carrying, I see that you were in the library. What books did you get?”_ _

Barry eagerly trotted up to her to show her his book. Her face lit up when she saw it. “A Bavarian Brothers novel!” she exclaimed, as she carefully took the book. “Why, I used to read them all the time when I was a young girl. I can’t _believe_ that there was one in the library!” 

__“It got brought in by accident, and Master Pluto wouldn’t throw it out or let it be destroyed, Mistress,” said the Castle rather sulkily._ _

Mama raised her eyebrows. “Now _that_ I can believe.” She turned the book over to look at the summary. “I don’t suppose that the library has anymore of these books?" 

“Of course not!” replied the Castle, sounding offended. “ _One_ heroic fantasy novel in my library is frankly one too many.” 

“You _would_ think that,” murmured Mama. 

__“Mama, is Papa going to join us for dinner?” asked Barry, as he seated himself next to her._ _

__She shook her head. “No, he’s currently busy with his experiments, so it’s going to be just the three of us as usual.” She then turned to Bill. “So, what books did you get from the library?”_ _

__Bill gave her a short explanation of the novels. Barry then launched into a narration of their exploits today. While she was distracted by Barry’s tale, Bill took the opportunity to crack his book open under the table and read while he mechanically ate his dinner._ _

__“Bill, stop reading under the table,” scolded Mama. “Family meals mean that we talk to each other.”_ _

__Bill hastily closed his book. He should have known Mama wouldn’t like him reading under the table. Maybe it was a mum thing? There was one thing that was niggling him about the passage he had just read. “Mama, what’s a virgin?”_ _

__She raised an eyebrow at him. “What’s the context?”_ _

__“Uh, they’re planning to go hunt unicorns, but they need a virgin maiden to act as bait.”_ _

__“I see. Well, a virgin’s an unmarried woman,” answered Mama._ _

__“Why would they need an unmarried lady to catch a unicorn?” asked Barry._ _

__“Because legend holds it that unicorns are drawn to them,” said Mama. “Which makes absolutely no sense at all. How would a horned horse be able to tell if a woman is a virgin anyway?”_ _

__Bill shrugged. He had absolutely no idea either. “Magic?” he offered._ _

__His Other Mother gave a laugh. “Perhaps.”_ _

__They resumed eating dinner. Mama then spoke, “Boys, I was just thinking, we haven’t spent much time together today, so how about we play some games in the Blue Parlour after dinner?"_ _

__Bill shook his head. “No thanks, Mama. I’d like to finish my book tonight.” Noticing that her smile had started to fade, he continued, “Maybe you and Barry can play together?”_ _

__Barry gave her an apologetic look. “I think I’d rather keep Bill company today, Mama. Maybe we can all play together tomorrow?”_ _

__She gave a sigh. “Well, it’s good that you two are so close. Be sure not to stay up too late though.”_ _

__“Yes, Mama,” they said in chorus, and then they made a face at each other._ _

__Once dinner was done, Bill bade his Other Mother goodnight and hastily left the room, with Barry in tow. Once she was out of sight, Bill immediately relaxed. Having Mama’s attention on him was always a little nerve-wracking. Especially since he was pretending to be her son. He then turned to Barry. “Barry, you don’t have to come with me, you know? I’m feeling too tired to play, so I’m just going to be reading until I get too sleepy.”_ _

__Barry looked down and scuffed the toe of his shoe against the floor. “I know, but I’m worried that you’ll have another dizzy attack. So I thought it’s best to stick around you, just in case.”_ _

Bill hugged him as best as he could, while juggling three books. “Thanks, Barry. I’m glad that I have you as a brother.” Well, Bill _Heterodyne_ should certainly be glad that he had Barry. 

__“Aw, Bill.” Barry hugged him back. “I’m glad that you’re my brother too.”_ _

__After breaking the hug, an idea suddenly struck Bill. He instructed Barry to hold onto him tightly and then looked up at the ceiling. “Castle Heterodyne?” he called._ _

__“Yes?” came the reply._ _

__“Can you bring me and Barry to my bedroom the way you did with me in the library, please?”_ _

__“Alright,” answered the Castle._ _

__The floor rippled under them, and then they were pushed along the corridor at top speed, carried by the very stones themselves. The soles of their shoes were going to be worn out at this rate, thought Bill, but he could scarcely bring himself to care, as he whooped with joy. Barry obviously thought this fun as well, judging from his delighted squeals._ _

__As they neared Bill Heterodyne’s bedroom, the door immediately swung open, and the Castle deposited them in the center of the bedroom before closing the door back again._ _

__“Thanks, Castle!” yelled Bill at the ceiling._ _

Barry let go of him and beamed. “That was fun! We should do that _all_ the time.” 

__He then turned to the wall. “Thank you so much, Castle Heterodyne,” he chirped._ _

__“You’re welcome, Young Masters,” boomed the Castle._ _

__Bill put the fourth and fifth volumes on the bedside table before settling into bed with his half-finished book, the bedside lamp bursting into light as he did so. Barry crawled in after him._ _

__“Bill, could you read me the story?” he asked._ _

__“Okay, but I’m telling you now that I’m going to start from where I left of earlier,” warned Bill. “I’m _not_ going to start from the beginning all over again.”_ _

__Barry shrugged. “That’s okay, Bill. Just give me a summary of what happened.”_ _

__Bill sighed. “Alright, it starts like this: our ancestor Damian Heterodyne, got so fed up with the Castle nagging him to get married that he decided to travel to Budapest to get away from it, accompanied by his minions and the Jägers. Unbeknownst to him, a group of wizards in a different dimension were planning to summon an army of demons to conquer the land for them, but they screwed up the spell and got our ancestor and his forces instead.”_ _

__“And then they killed the wizards,” interrupted Barry._ _

“And then they killed the wizards,” agreed Bill. “Anyway, they were all stuck in this new world now, so they had to search for a way back. Right now, they’re journeying to the sacred elven city of Etheria because our ancestor heard that the main library there had lots of rare tomes and ancient scrolls that might lead them back home. Annnd they got sidetracked - again - when Damian found out that there were rumours of unicorns in a nearby forest. The thing about unicorns in that world is that they’re attracted to virgin maidens, and the only unmarried lady in the bunch was a Jäger named Ivana.” 

Barry gave a snort. “Ivana? As in, _our_ Ivana? Let me see!” He then craned his head to look at the pages. Bill obligingly pointed out her name in the text. 

“Red fire, it really is her!” Barry tugged at his shirt. “Read it, you _have_ to read it to me now!” 

“Okay, okay.” Bill cleared his throat before starting. “I could hardly envy poor Ivana who was stuck wearing an ill-fitting white silk dress that had been hastily made out of one of the Master’s bedsheets, and a flower crown - instead of her usual hat - as she traipsed through the forest. ‘Tra-la-la,’ she sang grumpily. ‘Here Hy iz, an innocent virgin maiden, chust frolicking in dis forest, all by mineself. Tra-la-la.’  
‘Hyu’ve gots to _smile_ , Ivana,’ called Andrei, who was part of the unicorn hunting team. ‘Or else de unicorn von’t come.’  
Ivana made a rude gesture at him. ‘Maybe de unicorn iz not showing up because it ken schmell hyour schtink!’  
‘No, he’s got a point actually,’ said Master Damian. ‘They do say that you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, after all. Now, give a smile - no, don’t bare your teeth like that, we don’t want the unicorn to run away. Try to look more... vapid. Like you’re the kind of girl who thinks it’s _romantic_ to go strolling in the forest’.  
The Jägers were practically rolling on the ground, trying to stifle their laughter. The look Ivana shot them promised retribution.” 

__Barry fell over giggling. “Oh, poor Ivana,” he cried in between giggles. Bill paused his narration until Barry recovered. Finally collecting himself, he curled up next to Bill again. “Okay, you can continue. I want to know if they finally found a unicorn or not.”_ _

Bill continued. “After a few days of search, we were already feeling a little discouraged. And then, the unicorn appeared. Its coat was a white so intense that it practically shined. Its eyes were sapphire-blue, and its hooves were silver in colour. And there in the middle of its forehead was its fabled horn: a long, spiraling ivory horn. I gripped the Master by his shoulder. ‘Master, you can’t kill it,’ I whispered urgently. ‘It’s just too beautiful to kill.’  
The unicorn looked at Ivana and trotted eagerly to her. ‘Oh gods, I can’t believe that you’re actually here!’ it cried. ‘I mean, a real-live virgin in _my_ forest? This is wonderful!’ It nuzzled her gently. ‘Hello fair maiden, my name is Brighthorn.’  
‘Uh, Hy iz Ivana,’ replied Ivana, sounding rather stunned.  
It then saw us. ‘Hark, enemies!’ It lowered its head, ready to charge. ‘Fear not, fair maiden! _I’ll_ protect you!’  
Ivana quickly grabbed its mane. ‘Dun hurt dem, dey iz mine friends.’  
The unicorn immediately relaxed. ‘Oh, alright then. Friends of such a beautiful maiden can hardly be evil’.  
‘It _is_ a pretty amusing creature,’ murmured Master Damian. ‘Ivana, ask it if it would like to come with us.’  
Ivana obediently invited the unicorn to join us on our adventure. Brighthorn’s tail swished eagerly. ‘Oh, I’ve always dreamed of going on an adventure,’ it said. ‘I accept!’ It nuzzled Ivana again. ‘You can ride on my back, while I’ll protect you from harm, and in return you’ll permit me to lay my head on your lap while you put braids in my mane, and feed me flowers from your own two hands’.  
Ivana turned to Master Damian and said in Old Mech, ‘Master, Hy vote for killing it’.” 

__Barry burst out giggling again. His laughter was so infectious that Bill found himself joining in. “Oh, I hope that they didn’t kill Brighthorn the unicorn,” gasped Barry._ _

__Bill scanned the page. “No, it looks like he really did join them. Want me to continue?” Barry nodded enthusiastically. Bill took a deep breath and continued reading._ _

__—————————————————-_ _

__Some time later, the door flew open, startling them both, and Mama came striding in. “A-ha, I _knew_ that neither of you were sleeping!” she cried. “And it looks like you haven’t taken a bath either. Up and into the bath, both of you! It’s already past your bedtime.”_ _

__“Aw Mama, can’t we stay up a little longer,” pleaded Barry. “We’ve just reached the exciting part where they’re laying siege against Etheria because the snooty Elves won’t let in anyone who’s not of Elven blood.”_ _

__Mama shook her head. “The book is still going to be here tomorrow. Get in the bathroom now! And Bill, when I said ‘get in the bathroom’, I meant both of you. You can take a bath together.”_ _

__Both boys groaned in unison, but obediently marched to the bathroom. After a quick bath and a brush of teeth - Mama had clearly anticipated that they hadn’t bathed before she walked in because she had laid two sets of pyjamas on the counter while they were bathing, one for each of them - they walked out again._ _

__Mama nodded approvingly when she saw them. “Now it’s time for bed. Barry, do you want to sleep with your brother tonight, or do you want me to walk you back to your own room after I’m done tucking Bill into bed?”_ _

__“I want to sleep with Bill,” said Barry immediately._ _

__Mama smiled indulgently at him. “Alright, but know that I’ve already ordered the Castle to switch off all the lights in the room until morning, once I’ve left the room.” She smiled even wider when they groaned again. “Now get into bed.”_ _

__Once they were in bed, she gently tucked them in and kissed both their foreheads. “Sweet dreams, my darlings.”_ _

__“Goodnight, Mama,” replied Bill. Barry echoed his reply next to him. Mama smiled again at them and left the room. True to her word, the lights all went out once she left. Bill let out a yawn. To tell the truth, he _was_ getting sleepy before Mama came in. Tomorrow, he would tackle the book again and perhaps find a way home. He was just drifting off to sleep when Barry called his name urgently._ _

__“Whazzit?”_ _

__“Bill, let’s look for an unicorn stuffed toy tomorrow and give it to Ivana.”_ _

__“‘Kay, now go t’bed,” he sleepily replied. And with that, he was out like a candle._ _


	8. Chapter 8

When Bill Weasley opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was a very familiar ceiling. He immediately bolted up in bed and looked around to see that he was indeed back in his own bedroom in the Burrow. There was his cupboard, his teddy bear peeking out of the toy box, his favourite scarf hanging from the bedpost. The most ordinary things in the world, but they had never looked so beautiful to him as they did now. A quick peek down at himself revealed that he was truly back in his own body. He got out of bed and flung the windows wide open. He took a deep breath as he gazed at the familiar vista of Ottery St Catchpole. He’d never thought that he could miss it so much. The sound of the chickens clucking in the yard then drew his attention. Oh, the lovely hens! He felt like running out and kissing each and everyone of their feathered heads. Even mean old Brownie who tried to peck him everytime he had to gather eggs!  
But the thing he had missed the most when he was away was his family, especially Mum. And now he could see them all again! In a thrice, he was out the door and racing down the stairs, joyously yelling for his mother all the while.

He found Mum in the kitchen, cooking breakfast for the whole family. He flung himself at her, hugging her tightly around her pregnant belly.

“Hi, Mum,” he said quietly.

“Well, good morning to you too, Bill,” replied Mum. “Why the sudden enthusiastic greeting?”

Bill shook his head. “No reason. I just love you so much.” 

Mum hugged him back. “I love you too, Bill.”

Against his cheek, Bill felt the baby kick. “Hello to you too, Percy.”

“Bill,” half-scolded Mum, “we’ve talked about this before. It could very well be a Ginevra rather than a Percival.”

Bill looked up at her. “Baby brothers are more fun than baby sisters,” he informed her solemnly.

Mum laughed. “Who knows, Bill. You might find that having a little sister is more fun. Now, why don’t you go sit at the table while I finish my cooking, okay?”

Bill obediently sat down at the table. He still couldn’t help but wonder how Bill Heterodyne had spent his days as him. “Mum,” he ventured, “did I do anything weird that day when I had a fever? It’s all a blur to me.”

Mum dropped the spatula on the counter, strode over and gave him a quick but fierce hug. “That day was one of the most terrifying days of my life, and I hope that I’ll never see you that sick again!” she cried. “You were in such a state of delirium that you couldn’t recognise anyone or anything. And then you ran out of the house screaming that you were going to find your way back to your _real_ home. I was so afraid that you’d hurt yourself that I hit you with the Leg-Binding Curse. And then I had to carry you back into the house with you screaming all the way and trying to bite me.”

Bill winced. He could hardly blame the Other Bill for getting so panicked though. “So what happened next?” he asked.

Mum stroked his hair gently. “Well I didn’t know what to do, so I just laid you on the couch and started talking to you.” She let out a short laugh. “Well, _babbled_ rather. I can’t even remember what exactly I said to you then - just stuff about our family, our house and how much I love you.”

She laughed again. “I don’t know how much you were listening though. You kept staring at your reflection in the mirror - as if you’d never seen yourself before. But it seemed to work as you calmed down after that. Even drank all of your soup and took your Potions without protest.”

“And then what happened?” Bill wanted to know.

“Well, you fell asleep after that and I removed the Curse and carried you back to bed. The next morning, you were back to normal though a little quiet, which was such a relief to me,” continued Mum.

A sizzle from the frying pan drew her attention. “Oh no, my bacon!” yelled Mum and she ran to save the burning meat. 

Charlie then walked in, rubbing his eyes. “Good morning, Bill.”

“Morning,” replied Bill.

Charlie sat down in a chair beside him and leaned over to whisper in his ear, “Thanks again for taking all the blame yesterday. I tried to sneak you half my dessert last night but Mum caught me at it.”

Just what had Bill Heterodyne done in the past two days? Bill opened his mouth to ask when Mum brought the dishes to the table. He was pleased to see that today’s breakfast consisted of bacon, scrambled eggs and toast and marmalade. Finally, proper English food! Not that the foreign food served at the Other Bill’s place hadn’t been good (except for the snails), but he was glad to have normal home cooked food again. He gleefully dug into his breakfast. Next to him, Charlie joined in as well. They all ate their breakfast in silence which was only disturbed by Dad rushing into the room, hastily wishing them a good morning before grabbing a piece of toast and using the Floo Network to go to work. Once breakfast was done, Bill immediately grabbed Charlie and dragged him out to the garden while yelling at his Mum that they were off to play. 

Once they were in the garden, Bill noticed at once that one of the hedges was badly burnt. Huh. Now he _really_ wanted to know what Bill Heterodyne had been up to in his body.

“What game did you want to play, Bill?” asked Charlie.

Bill rubbed the back of his head. He really didn’t like having to lie to his brother, but it wasn’t like the truth sounded any better. He certainly wouldn’t believe it if Charlie told him about swapping bodies with another Charlie, after all. “Don’t tell Mum, but thanks to the Dragon Pox, I can’t remember the past two days, so I need you to tell me what happened.” 

Charlie frowned. “I got the Dragon Pox too, but I didn’t get any memory loss.”

“That’s because it’s a rare complication of Dragon Pox,” invented Bill. “And I only got it because I was worse off than you.”

Charlie’s frown grew deeper. “In that case, shouldn’t we tell Mum? She can take you to St Mungo’s again for another checkup and the Healers could help retrieve your memory of the past two days.”

Wait, Mum had taken the Other Bill to the hospital somewhere in the past two days? She must’ve been really worried about his “delirium”. “Mum already has enough on her plate what with Dad and Uncles Fabian and Gideon going out to fight Death Eaters,” he said virtuously. “Besides, another trip to St Mungo’s Hospital is going to cost, and Mum and Dad already don’t have much money to spare.”

Charlie’s face cleared up. “I guess you’re right,” he admitted ruefully. “Okay, I’ll tell you.”

He took a deep breath. “Okay, on Saturday morning you came down for breakfast as usual and got very upset when you saw the front page of the Daily Prophet about another family getting killed by You-Know-Who. Mum got upset as well because she apparently knew the lady who got murdered from her Hogwarts days, so you both started crying together. Then Mum went to use the Floo to call all her other friends about the news, but you still looked pretty upset so I invited you to play on our toy brooms together outside.”

He paused for a while. “I think you still had a touch of delirium then, because you kept asking me how the brooms were hovering like that, and you got mad at me when I told you that it was because of magic. Anyway, after that you invited me to go exploring the house for hidden treasure. Now, _that_ was fun - right until we found Dad’s old Hogwarts books in the attic and you _insisted_ on sitting down and reading “A History of Magic”. We ended up staying there until Mum called us down for lunch. After lunch, Mum took us to St Mungo’s for a checkup on account of your confusion the day before. The Healer there said that you were probably delirious because of the high fever you had yesterday, but from his examination, you seemed much better now and he advised Mum to make sure you took regular doses of Dragon Pox Cure and get lots of rest.”

“What did the Healer say about you?”

Charlie shrugged. “Oh, just that I was healing well but I should still take plenty of rest too. After that, you begged Mum if we could go to the library, but Mum said no because we were still contases.”

“You mean, ‘contagious’,” corrected Bill.

Charlie rolled his eyes. “Yes, that. Anyway, Mum brought us home and had you stay in your room until dinner because of the Healer’s advice and I wasn’t allowed to visit you because Mum thought that we’d just end up playing together and not resting, so I don’t know what you did during that time. I saw Dad visit you sometime before dinner with a chessboard tucked under one arm so I suppose you played a few games together. After dinner, you and I played with our Gobstones until Mum told us to go to bed. And that’s it for Saturday.”

“Okay, so what happened on Sunday then?” asked Bill.

“Mum had to go to her friend’s funeral in the morning so Dad had to look after us. He took us to his garage where we spent half the day, tinkering with the Muggle artefacts. You kept asking Dad questions about the differences between Muggle science and magic for some reason.” Charlie gave him an accusing look. “Also, you convinced him to take apart our radio - so if you’re wondering where it is, now you know.”

Bill winced. He supposed that he shouldn’t be surprised that the Other Bill has wanted to see how the radio was made. He already knew that Bill Heterodyne was very interested in science after all, and he hadn’t seen any evidence of radios existing in the Other World. Had radios even been invented by 1850 yet? He took a brief moment to mourn for the episodes of the serial, Martin Miggs the Mad Muggle, that he was going to miss. Would he ever find out who had stolen Martin’s lucky hat?

He blinked. “Wait a minute. Why didn’t Dad cast a repairing charm on the radio after he took it apart?”

Charlie scowled at him and stamped his foot. “Because you convinced Dad that he could improve it, you dummy!”

Well, that explained it. Oops. Bill quickly decided to change the subject. “So, what happened to the hedge?”

Charlie’s face immediately cleared up. “I can’t _believe_ that you actually forgot that!” he said in wonderment. “Mum was so mad when she caught us. She yelled at us for _ages_.”

He took another deep breath. “Okay, it started like this: you and I started talking about how it wasn’t fair that the adults all had wands and we couldn’t have any until we were eleven, which is like _forever_. So we agreed to ‘borrow’ Mum’s wand and try out some magic. So when Mum was knitting, I helped to distract her while you pinched her wand right out of her pocket. And then we ran to the garden to try out some spells of our own. You let me go first, and I managed to get a stream of bubbles to come out of Mum’s wand. Then you insisted it was your turn, and you took the wand and waved it at that hedge.”

Charlie paused. “I think that you wanted to make the hedge flower, but it caught on fire instead. Then you said, ‘uh, I can fix that’ and waved Mum’s wand at the hedge again while commanding the fire to go out. Only it _didn’t_ go out - you just made the flames bigger. So, I tried to put out the fire with my watering can while you smacked Mum’s wand and yelled at it to make water. Annnd that’s when Mum came out and saw the whole mess.”

“So, what did Mum do?” 

“Well, she grabbed her wand right out of your hand and put out the fire. Then she turned around and started yelling at us.”

Charlie put his hands on his hips and launched into an imitation of their mother. “William Arthur Weasley and Charles Septimus Weasley, what in Merlin’s name were you two _thinking_? A wand is _not_ a toy for you to play around with!”

Bill giggled at the imitation. It was just so spot-on!

Charlie dropped his hands to his side. “That’s when you took the blame and told Mum that you were the one who pinched it and I had tried to stop you. Luckily for me, she believed you. Then she gave us a long lecture about how wands aren’t toys and how we could have _hurt_ ourselves and so on and so forth. Also, you got punished and had to help Mum sort out all the laundry and wash the dinner plates by hand and by the way, you now can’t have dessert for a week.”

Bill stared at his brother in horror. No dessert for a week? That was _awful_. Blow Bill Heterodyne for getting him into trouble! And he couldn’t even yell at him for it now!

Mum chose that moment to stick her head out the window. “Boys, since you’re in the garden already, could you de-gnome it for me, please?”

“Yes, Mum,” sighed the two boys and got on with the task of de-gnoming.

—————————————————-

The rest of the day flew by with the usual chores and games. Bill had to sigh mournfully when dessert - his favourite treacle tart - was brought out after dinner and he wasn’t allowed to have any. Charlie gave him an apologetic look before happily digging into his slice. He mentally cursed the Other Bill again while watching his family eat their dessert. _He_ certainly hadn’t gotten William Heterodyne in trouble when they had switched bodies.

And soon it was time for bed. Dad came by to read him a bedtime story out from “Tales of Beedle the Bard”, and kissed him goodnight after finishing it. Bill laid back in bed after he left, with a sigh. Despite being overjoyed and relieved to be back home, he couldn’t help but feel annoyed about the whole switcheroo mess. There he was, stuck in Bill Heterodyne’s body, trying to do research on how to get back to his own world and body - and then the same force that had switched them both decided to switch them back without any warning at all! 

But it was alright now, he consoled himself. He was back in his own body and world and never had to worry about that Other World again. He closed his eyes and was just drifting off to bed when a thought suddenly struck him. What if it was his bed that had brought him to the Other World? He’d been sleeping in it after all, before he got switched with Bill Heterodyne. Perhaps their beds were connected? He immediately jumped out of his bed. Sure he had fun in the Other World, but it was nerve-wracking to have to pretend to be Bill Heterodyne to his family. He certainly didn’t want to go back there - not when he’d just returned home!

He crept to his parents’ bedroom and knocked on the door before poking his head in. His parents were already preparing for bed. 

“What is it, Bill?” asked Dad gently.

“Can I sleep with you tonight?” begged Bill.

“Why, what’s the matter?” queried Mum.

“Er... I’m scared of the werewolves under my bed,” replied Bill, lying through his teeth.

His parents shared a significant look before turning back to him. “Of course, you can share our bed, Bill,” answered Dad.

“But only for tonight,” added Mum. 

Bill eagerly agreed and joined his parents in bed. Snuggling up to his mother as he fell asleep, he was absolutely certain that he wouldn’t switch places this time around!

When Bill woke up the next day, he was pleased to see that he still was very much himself. He carried on the day as usual, but when bedtime came around again, he slipped into Charlie’s room on the pretext of telling him a bedtime story. (He’d been bursting to talk of his adventures in Mechanicsburg anyway).  
He of course had told the story as if it had happened to someone else - a boy named Artie Miggs.

(“Like Martin Miggs, the Mad Muggle?”)

(Yeah, he’s Martin’s Halfblood cousin. Now shut up and let me tell the story.”)

Unsurprisingly, Charlie was most interested in Franz Scortchmaw, the dragon. 

“Artie’s so lucky,” said Charlie as he gave a big yawn. “I wish that _I_ could see a dragon up close too.”

“Yeah,” whispered Bill as he looked up at the ceiling, “he was really lucky.”

The next night, Bill snuck out of his bedroom and went to sleep on the living room couch. The next morning, he was awakened by his mother’s yelling.

“William Arthur Weasley, you have a perfectly good bed - and here you are, sleeping on the couch! Why in Merlin’s name, did you think that this was a good idea?” shrieked Mum.

Bill, rubbing the back of his neck, where he’d gotten a crick from the awkward angle, had to agree with her. 

“I thought I saw a vampire hiding in my closet,” he explained. 

Mum pinched the bridge of her nose, looking exasperated. “Alright, I’ll deal with that matter later. Now go brush your teeth and change your clothes.” 

Bill, relieved not to receive anymore scolding, immediately disappeared upstairs, back to his room. When he came down again for breakfast, he was glad that she said no more on that subject, and the day continued as usual with no surprises whatsoever.

When bedtime came around again however, his mother marched him into his room. 

“Alright Bill, I’ve done a thorough sweep of your room,” explained Mum. “There aren’t any Boggarts around, nor are there any vampires _or_ werewolves. You can go to bed now.” 

“But Mum-“ began Bill.

“No buts,” she ordered. “There’s plenty of little boys in the world who’d be _grateful_ for such a nice bed and room.”

“But what if a Death Eater sneaks through my window?” asked Bill softly.

Mum deflated at that, her face going sad for a few seconds before she visibly steeled herself. She strode out of Bill’s bedroom without a word and returned shortly afterwards, carrying a pillow and a blanket.

“Bill, I’m going to be sleeping on your floor tonight,” announced Mum. “Just in case any Death Eaters come.”

Bill stared at her, aghast. She’d definitely hurt her back if she slept on the floor - she already complained of frequent backaches as it is, what with his new sibling growing within her. 

“But Mum, you’ll hurt your back,” he protested, already feeling guilty about his lies.

Mum smiled at him. “It’s okay, dear. I can put up with some discomfort for one night.” 

“He’s right, Molly,” called Dad, who was leaning against the door jamb. “I’ll sleep here tonight and you can sleep in our room as usual.”

Mum, visibly relieved that she didn’t have to lie on the hard floor, readily acquiesced. She kissed both him and Dad goodnight before handing over her pillow and blanket to Dad and leaving.

Dad immediately spread his blanket out on the floor before lying down on it and leaving his wand within easy reach. He gave Bill a conspiratorial wink. “Don’t worry, Bill. Your dear old Dad knows how to deal with Death Eaters. Plus, our home is warded against intruders and-“ he patted his pyjamas pocket comfortingly -“if worse comes to worst, I have a Portkey here that can whisk us away to safety.”

Bill laid back down on his bed, feeling more guilty than ever that he’d worried his parents with his lies. But it wasn’t as if either of them would believe him if he told them the truth, he told himself as he shut his eyes. 

The next morning, he was delighted to find himself still Bill Weasley. And when night came around again and his Dad offered to spend the night in his room, he bravely refused. And true enough, he still woke up as himself. 

As the days went by and Bill found himself persistently William Weasley, he decided that the body-switching incident was merely a fluke. A once-in-a-lifetime accident that was never going to happen again. Yes, he thought as he snuggled into his comfy bed, he was going to remain plain old William Weasley for the rest of his life.

And then he woke up as Bill Heterodyne.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I'm aware that "Martin Miggs" is a comic book series in the books. But I've decided that it initially started out as a radio serial before someone made it into a comic book.


	9. Chapter 9

When Bill Weasley opened his eyes to find himself no longer in his bedroom, he had to groan. And here he thought the body switch was a one-time thing! He looked around the new bedroom. It was smaller than the Other Bill’s room, but more spacious than his own. The bed was a single bed like his own, albeit more expensive-looking. Also, both the headboard and footboard had carved pictures of animals on them. On the bedside table next to him, there was a clock shaped like a painted metal woodsman with a wolf, which informed him that it was now seven o’ clock. The rest of the room was quite ordinary: bookshelves around the place, a toybox, a study table with a chair, a cupboard and a full-length mirror. A chill ran down his spine when he realised that he didn’t recognise this room at all! Was it possible that he had switched places with _another_ Bill?

He immediately rushed to the mirror and was relieved to see the now-familiar face of Bill Heterodyne. At least he knew enough about Bill Heterodyne to fake being him for a while. Let’s see... the last time they had switched places was on a Friday, and they switched back on a Monday morning. If the trend continued the same way, he could then expect to stay in Bill Heterodyne’s body for three nights. He sighed. Well, he’d just have to muddle through the next few days somehow. At least _this_ time, he knew they’d switch back again.

He opened the side-door which revealed a bathroom which was clearly shared with Barry, judging from the connecting door. A peek through showed Barry still fast asleep. He grabbed a shirt and a pair of pants from the Other Bill’s closet and changed clothes in the bathroom after a quick wash. Having to pee and bathe in someone else’s body didn’t stop being awkward after the second time, in Bill’s opinion. 

Exiting the bedroom, he followed the scent of frying sausages to the kitchen. There he saw Other Bill’s mother, cooking breakfast as she hummed a tune. This made him pause. Didn’t rich Muggles have servants to cook for them? He’d certainly seen evidence in Castle Heterodyne that servants did all the cooking and cleaning. Or was it just that Mama enjoyed cooking?

“Good morning, Mama,” he greeted her.

She looked over her shoulder and gave him a smile. “Good morning, Bill. Help yourself to breakfast while I finish the sausages.”

Mama had already set the table for four people. There was bread, butter, jam and fried eggs. Bill eagerly helped himself to it. The bread was as fresh as if it had just come out of the oven and the jam turned out to be a tasty plum jam. 

Mama had just finished the sausages when Papa walked in. “Good morning, Teodora,” he greeted her. 

He then looked at Bill. “Ah Bill, you’re up bright and early today. Excited for our big day today?”

Big day? What big day? Bill swallowed his last mouthful. “Er...yes?” he ventured. 

Papa laughed and ruffled his hair. “Good, good.”

He sat down across Bill and started buttering a piece of bread. “Eat as much as you can, Bill,” he urged. “You’ll need the energy for later.”

Bill nodded slowly. He couldn’t help but make a face when he saw Papa make himself a sandwich with the bread, butter, eggs and jam. Papa caught him making a face. “I’ll have you know that eggs and jam are an excellent combination, kiddo,” he said as he waved his butter knife at Bill. 

“You’re the only one who thinks that,” muttered Mama. Papa flashed a grin at her before taking a big bite out of his sandwich. Both she and Bill shared a look of mutual distaste. 

Barry then came running into the kitchen. “Papa, Papa, I want to come too!” he cried. 

Papa shook his head. “You’re too young, Barry,” he told him kindly. “But once you’re six, I’ll be happy to take you along.”

Barry flopped down on his chair. “But that’ll be forever!” he groaned. 

“It’s actually two more years,” Bill corrected him. 

Barry scowled at him, then folded his arms and refused to look at him. Mama put together an egg sandwich for Barry while Papa dropped some sausages on his plate. At first he looked as if he was going to refuse, but after getting a stern look from Mama, he began to sulkily eat his breakfast.

“Finished with your breakfast?” asked Papa, as Bill crammed his last sausage into his mouth. Bill nodded.

“Good,” said Papa, getting out of his chair, “then it’s time for us to get a move on.” He picked up a large backpack that was leaning against the door and then walked back to give Mama a kiss on the cheek and Barry a quick ruffle. 

“Remember what we talked about, Saturnus,” cautioned Mama. “Bill’s far too young for the Flesh Yards.”

“Yes dear,” replied Papa dutifully. “There’s plenty of time for that later anyway.”   
He laughed at the sudden frown on her face and kissed her again before grabbing Bill’s hand and running out the doorway.

Once he was out of the house, Bill could see that Mama’s house was located at the base of the hill where Castle Heterodyne perched like an overgrown bird, looming over everything. Papa tugged at his hand, pulling him to walk beside him as they walked down the street.

As he looked at the buildings around them, he could see that the Castle’s decorative theme of skeletons, monsters and trilobites was a common architectural motif in this town. Especially the trilobites. There was not one building that he saw that did not have at least three trilobites on it. 

As they walked down the street, people called out greetings to both Papa and him. Monsters walked the streets too, as casually as real people, calling out greetings as well. Papa greeted them back, often by name, while Bill waved back shyly at them, feeling like more of an imposter than ever.

“Hoy, Master Saturnus!” yelled a Jäger from his perch on a rooftop. “Where iz hyu und leetle Bill going today?”

“I’m taking Bill on his first Health Round, Minsk,” replied Saturnus. He shot Bill a fond glance. “He’s been looking forward to it all week.”

“Hokay den, have fun, hyu two,” cried the Jäger, waving goodbye to them.

A Health Round? What in Merlin’s name was a Health Round? Bill wondered as he hurried after his Other Father. It turned out that a Health Round consisted of going to a clinic and checking people’s throats, monitoring their blood pressure and other various examinations. Under his Papa’s supervision, Bill was allowed to give people injections and to help dress wounds. Papa often gave him an explanation of what he was examining for in a patient and why he was giving a certain treatment. During one examination, Papa beckoned him to come close and put his stethoscope on him so that Bill could listen to a patient’s heart murmur. 

For lunch, Papa brought him to a restaurant nearby. The owner herself greeted them and brought them to a table. A little girl who looked as if she was the owner’s daughter, proudly approached Papa to show off her doll. Papa knelt down to take a closer look at the toy.

“What a lovely doll,” he praised. “Did your mother make it for you?”

“No, she bought it at the store,” said the girl frankly.

“Well, aren’t you lucky to have such a nice mother who buys you toys?” asked Papa.

The girl nodded in reply. “Uh-huh.”

“Rosa, stop bothering Master Saturnus,” ordered her mother. The little girl made a face, but obediently ran behind the counter. 

Papa looked up at the owner. “She was no bother at all, Mistress Petrov,” he assured her. 

“If you say so, Master,” said Mistress Petrov dubiously. “Now, what can I get for you and your son?”

Papa ordered them both lunch, and a glass of orange juice for him, and a cup of tea for himself. Lunch was eaten quickly and after Papa paid the bill, they were off again!

“Can’t we take a carriage instead of just walking?” pleaded Bill, as he looked longingly at a horse-driven carriage going by.

“Nonsense!” replied Papa, as he waved cheerfully at the townspeople. “You can’t meet the people by sitting in a carriage. Besides, walking is more healthy anyway. Gets the circulation pumping and all.”

Bill groaned in reply. Papa grinned at him and led him to a lift that brought them underground. Bill was surprised to see that there appeared to be another town underneath Mechanicsburg. There were more monsters here, but as above, they were both greeted just as politely. 

They went to another clinic where there were more people waiting. The first patient that Papa saw was a giant green monster with an upside down face who complained of a toothache. Bill and another staff member had to help hold the ladder for him while Papa peered into the monster’s mouth and extracted the troublesome tooth. The next patient that Papa saw was a lizard-like creature that complained of itchiness. Partway through the consultation, Papa gave him a pencil and a notebook and shooed him out the door with an order to take some history from the awaiting patients. 

“I don’t expect much from you now, so all you have to do is take down their name, age and chief complaints,” called Papa.

“Yes, Papa,” Bill yelled back. 

Exiting Papa’s office, Bill found himself at the center of attention amongst a group of waiting monsters, many of whom had large, sharp teeth. Some of them smiled reassuringly at him or gave a little wave, while others whispered to their closest neighbour. Bill gulped. He sternly reminded himself that the Other Bill’s father would certainly not send his son out to be devoured by a pack of hungry monsters. Steeling himself, he walked up to the closest monster - an orange-coloured creature with multiple eyes - and asked it for its name.

“My name is Glyrynshx,” replied the monster. “It’s spelled G-L-Y-R-Y-N-S-H-X.”

Bill slowly wrote down the name. “Alright, I’m supposed to ask you your age and complaints now.”

“I’m thirty-three years old,” answered the monster. “And I’ve come here today because two of my left eyes have been red and itchy since yesterday, see?”

Bill looked up at the monster and agreed that two of its left eyes did seem red. He thanked the monster and then moved on to the next patient - a pink-feathered monster who complained of a stomach pain. The next patient he interviewed was a little old lady monster with a crocodile head, who complained at great length about her aching knees and then launched into a diatribe about her ungrateful children who never visited. Privately, Bill could see why her children didn’t visit, but he tried to look attentive and understanding. It seemed to work, for when it was her turn to see Papa, he overheard her telling Papa about what a kind and patient boy he was. Bill shook his head slowly. Bill Heterodyne certainly owed him for this!

Papa was just finishing up his last patient of the day - an albino who complained of stiffness in the joints of his prosthetic hand - when a monster who looked like an unholy amalgamation of spider and monkey burst into the room.

“Master Saturnus, please help me!” cried the monster, wringing two of its arms frantically. “My wife - she’s gone into labour, but it looks like there’s complications and we can’t find the midwife _anywhere_!”

Papa grabbed his bag immediately. “Take us to her now,” he ordered. 

The monster put both of them on his back and started running back to his house. Papa grabbed on to two tufts of the monster’s fur and sat as casually as if he did this everyday. Bill on the other hand, held on tightly to his Other Father and prayed that they didn’t fall off the monster’s back.

Finally after a mad rush through the streets of the underground town, the spider-monkey monster finally stopped at a house. Even from outside, Bill could hear the screams of a... person in pain. The monster knelt down on the ground to let them get off. Papa went down first, and then helped Bill to climb down. They all hurried into the house where the monster husband led them to his wife’s bedroom. 

Papa turned to Bill. “Bill, you stay outside while I handle the case. This is much too complicated for you,” he ordered. He then turned to the monster. “You can come in and help me.”

The monster looked terrified. “Me? Why me?” he squeaked.

“Because _you_ got her into this mess to begin with, so the least you can do to help is to act as my assistant,” replied Papa impatiently.

“Yes, Master,” mumbled the monster, still looking terrified, and he followed Papa into the room, closing the door behind them. 

Bill slid down against a wall and waited for his Papa to finish. Another monster - this one with white patches in her fur - approached him and shyly introduced herself as the monster’s sister. She apologised to him for the lack of human-sized chairs in their house and offered him a cup of water and a plate of live grubs as a snack. Bill was only too grateful to accept the water, but politely refused the grubs. The monster sister didn’t seem fazed by his refusal and disappeared with the plate.

Suddenly, Bill heard a thin, high-pitched wail coming from inside the room. Then he heard Papa loudly congratulating the couple for the birth of a healthy daughter. It still took a few minutes before Papa walked out of the room, the monster husband hurrying behind him.

“Master Saturnus, I don’t know how I can thank you-“ he began. 

Papa waved him off. “Nonsense, I was just doing my duty as the Heterodyne, that’s all. Now, just be sure that she gets as much rest as she can in the next few days.”

Bill ran up to him. “Papa, what was wrong with the lady?”

Papa looked down at him and ruffled his hair. “Oh, it was just a breech birth - that’s when the baby comes out feet first instead of the usual head first,” he explained. 

“But how _does_ the baby come out?” Bill demanded to know. No one at home would tell him the answer whenever he asked how his future baby sibling was going to come out of his mother. Either the subject would be quickly changed, or he’d get scolded for asking nosy questions.

“Er... through a secret opening that only women have,” answered Papa, looking very awkward. 

“So, where’s the secret opening?” asked Bill.

“Er... you know what? I’m absolutely starving, right now. Let’s go get dinner!” And with that, he bade the monster goodbye and dragged Bill out of the door.

“Papa, you didn’t answer my question!” shrieked Bill, as they walked down the lane.

“Because the answer to your question is very complicated, and you wouldn’t be able to understand it now,” replied Papa.

“So when do I get to know?” demanded Bill.

“When you’re twelve.”

Bill beamed. The last time he had brought up the subject to Dad, he’d been promised to be told when he was seventeen. And now, he was going to find out five years earlier! “Okay,” he chirped.

Papa gave him a suspicious look at his quick agreement, but decided not to ask further. They went to another lift which brought them back up to the surface again. In the distance, Bill heard a clock booming out the hour. Seven o’clock. He and Papa walked in silence for a while, and then Papa spoke up.

“Bill, do you know why we had to do a Health Round?”

Bill scratched his head. “Because we don’t have enough - what was the word for Muggle Healers again? - doctors here?” he hazarded.

Papa gave him a light swat at the back of his head. “Impudence!”

As Bill rubbed his head, he continued. “No, today was mostly for your benefit.”

He dropped to one knee to look Bill in the face. “Bill, you are my firstborn and heir. That means that when I’m dead-“ he swung out an arm to encompass the town “-all of this will be yours.”

“What about Barry?” inquired Bill.

Papa sighed. “Barry will be your second in-command, of course. Just as my uncles were for my father when they were alive. But _you_ will be _the_ Heterodyne. Now, pay attention.”

He took a deep breath. “Our people serve us loyally yes, but loyalty swings both ways. Our side of the bargain is to protect and care for them, for as long as we live. And you can’t care about people if you don’t know them. And you can’t know them by sitting in the house all the time and only waving at them from an open carriage window. This way, you get to meet all our people - constructs, humans and monsters, big and small, old and young - and learn a little about their problems and how to help them. Caring for our people is the most important thing for a young Heterodyne to learn, do you understand?”

Bill nodded solemnly. Papa smiled and clapped him on the shoulder. “Now, let’s go get our dinner, shall we?”

Papa brought him to a large door with the words “Mama Gkika” written above it and flung the doors wide open. It looked to be a Jäger pub as there were dozens of Jägers present, and they all turned to look at them.

“Hoy, Master Saturnus!” came the roar from over a hundred Jäger throats. “Und young Master Bill too!”

Papa grinned at them and bellowed, “Where is my Honour Guard?”

Three Jägers immediately disentangled themselves from the crowd and approached Papa. One was a tall bright blue Jäger with black eyes and hair, the second had brown hair with green scales and slightly webbed fingers and the last was a grey-skinned woman with her dark hair done in a single braid down her back.

“Ve iz here, Master Saturnus,” announced the woman, while giving a sloppy salute.

“Have all of you eaten your dinner already?” asked Papa. The three Jägers shook their heads. “That’s good, because I wanted you to eat with me and Bill.”

Upon hearing this, the Jägers at the nearest table immediately vacated their seats, taking their drinks along with them. Papa nodded his thanks at them and gratefully sat down at said table, followed by the others. A waitress quickly appeared and wiped the table clean before asking Papa for his order. Bill couldn’t help but stare at her. He’d never seen a woman wearing so little clothing in his life.

“I think we’ll have pies all around: one large bug pie for the Jägers, one small meat pie, and one small snail pie. Beers for the adults, and Bill here shall have a glass of grape juice,” ordered Papa.

“Right away, Master,” replied the waitress and she gave Bill a wink before leaving. 

As soon as she left, Bill turned to his Other Father. “Papa, is that lady a scarlet woman?” he whispered.

All the adults at the table burst out into laughter. “Scarlet voman! Iz dat vat hyour Mama calls dem?” asked the green Jäger. At Bill’s nod, he started laughing again.

“Hmmm, I suppose she is,” replied Papa, his eyes dancing merrily.

“What _is_ a scarlet woman anyway?” asked Bill. Mum always muttered about them after reading her Witch Weekly magazines, but had always refused to tell him what exactly a scarlet woman was, or why they were so bad.

“Vell, a scarlet voman iz-“ began the blue Jäger. But before he could go any further, Papa clapped a hand over his mouth.

“Vole, don’t you dare say another word,” laughed Papa. He then turned back to Bill. “A scarlet woman is a woman who... likes to wear scanty clothing.”

“But why are they considered to be bad?” persisted Bill.

“Because some pipple tink dat dey shouldn’t wear clothes like dat,” answered the grey woman promptly.

Bill frowned. “I suppose it’s okay for them to wear clothes like that in summer,” he began slowly. “But they’d be _freezing_ if they dressed like that in winter.”

All the adults started laughing again. This time, the Jägers at surrounding tables joined in. 

“Dun worry, Young Master Bill!” called one. “Mama Gkika makes sure dat dis place is verra warm in winter.”

Bill scowled. He didn’t see what was so funny about what he had just said. The waitress then arrived with their drinks. After serving them their drinks, she slipped him a piece of candy with a wink. Bill supposed that she was pretty nice, even if she was a scarlet woman.

The food arrived shortly afterwards. Bill made sure to avoid the larger pie, though the Jägers dug in with gusto. (He had tried to avoid the snail pie too, but Papa dropped a large slice of it onto his plate). As they ate, the adults all joked and talked amongst each other. Listening to their conversation, Bill learned that the other two Jägers were named Hektor and Tatyana. He must’ve looked bored because Hektor turned to him and launched into a funny story about how his Other Father as a child, had stolen something called a Voice-Imitating Device and used it to impersonate his own father while he’d been busy making new Jägers. 

“So, Hy vas having tea vit mine descendants that afternoon when Hy heard de broadcast. It started like dis: ‘Testing, testing. Ken efferybody hear me? Dis iz hyour Heterodyne speaking. Hy haz sum announcements to make. First announcement: broccoli iz now banned. Forever. Second announcement: all keeds should be given cake at least vunce a day. Third announcement: school und classes iz now cancelled.”

“Ve never found out vat de fourth announcement vas,” interjected Tatyana. “Because hyour grandmama caught him then und boxed his ears for it. Den she announced dat since de previous announcements were made by hyour Papa pretending to be _his_ Papa, dey were all null und void.”

“Ya, mine youngest descendants were so upset when they heard de Lady Desdemona say dat,” laughed Hektor. “Because they were verra excited about hyour Papa’s announcements.”

Papa winced. “I still remember the spanking that she gave me. I couldn’t sit down for a day after that.”

“Yah, so do ve,” snickered Vole. “Hyu screamed so loudly while hyu were getting hyour beating dat Hy tink dat dey could hear you in Sturmhalten!”

Papa crumpled his napkin into a ball and threw it at Vole, who dodged it easily, still snickering. “Treachery and lies! I did absolutely no such thing!” He gave a sniff. “If you must know, I took my spanking with manly stoicism.”

All three Jägers snorted in disbelief but they kindly changed the subject. Bill was listening to them recount a tale of how a neighbouring Spark Lord had tried to attack the town with an army of mutant turtles when Vole gave him a none too gentle poke. “So, when iz hyu getting hyour own Honour Guard? Hyu iz already old enough to decide.”

“Oh, leave de boy be, Vole,” called Tatyana. “He still haz plenty of time left to decide.”

“I agree,” said Papa, munching on a slice of snail pie. “I was nearly eight before I knew you were mine, remember Vole?”

Vole scowled and crossed his arms. “Hy still think dat he should be having _some_ candidates in mind by now,” he grumbled.

Bill looked around the room and gulped. There were already dozens of Jägers in this room itself, chatting and eating and laughing, and he already knew from his reading that there were _hundreds_ of Jägers. So, how was he or rather, the Other Bill, decide which three Jägers should be his Honour Guard. What exactly was a Honour Guard anyway? Hektor, Tatyana and Vole certainly didn’t _act_ like bodyguards.

“There’s so many Jägers! How am I supposed to choose?” he blurted out. 

“Chust listen to hyour heart,” advised Hektor, nodding sagely. 

Bill frowned. “But that doesn’t explain anything!” he complained. 

Hektor chuckled and patted his shoulder. “Trust me, hyu’ll know when de time’s right.”

Bill thought that still didn’t explain anything, but he kept quiet instead. Some time later, Papa stood up from the table and announced that it was time for him and Bill to leave. “In any case, it’s almost time for the daily bar fight - and Bill’s far too young for that now.”

All the Jägers turned to watch them leave and many of them called out goodnight and waved a goodbye as they went. They walked down the street in silence before Bill plucked up his courage to ask, “Papa, how do you pick three Jägers to be your Honour Guard?”

“You don’t necessarily have to pick three people,” answered Papa patiently. “Our family usually chooses between two to five Jägers to be their Honour Guard. And to answer your question, well it’s a little complicated. You just... hang around the Jägers and eventually you’ll realise that you like a few of them more than the others. Sure, you’ll love all the Jägers but-“ he tapped his chest lightly “-something within you will scream that _these ones_ are special - these ones are _yours_. And then you just march up to them and ask them to be your Honour Guard, and that’s it.”

He scratched his head. “From what Hektor said, it seems like the bond goes both ways, so Jägers who know - or at least suspect - that they are yours, will hang around you more often than the others in the hope that you feel the same way. Though they’ll never say so to you.”

“Why not?”

“Because they don’t want to pressure you. Love shouldn’t be forced, after all. Either you feel it - or you don’t.”

“Oh.” 

Bill pondered this for a while. “So, what does a Honour Guard do?” he asked.

“Well, in battle or when you’re travelling, they’ll act as your bodyguards,” replied Papa. “But most of the time, they’ll be some of your nearest and dearest companions. Why, when you’re an adult, you might take one or more of them to be your raiding wi- er, you know what? Completelyforgetmylastsentence, would you?”

Papa looked so anxious and awkward - even more so than the baby thing - that Bill decided to let it slide. They resumed their walk in silence. 

Halfway through their journey, Bill started to yawn. His Other Father immediately picked him up and continued walking. He was asleep before they even reached the doorway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Saturnus was going to mention “raiding wives” aka “you might take your Honour Guards as your *lovers* when you’re old enough” but then he realised that he *really* didn’t want to explain that to his six-year-old son.
> 
> PS. A Heterodyne’s Jäger lovers are nicknamed “raiding wives” because said Heterodyne is usually banging them the most when they’re out raiding. They’re all called that regardless of said Jäger’s gender.


	10. Chapter 10

Bill woke up the next morning, knowing what he needed to do. He’d been too tired to do it last night, but now he felt fresh and ready to start. He went to Bill Heterodyne’s study table and searched until he found what he was looking for: an empty exercise book. He sat down on the chair, picked up a pencil and wrote on the front cover, “PROPTEE OF BILL”. He frowned down at his own writing. He didn’t think he had spelled “property” correctly, but he supposed it would have to do. He opened the book and wrote on the first page “only Bill is ~~erloud~~ ~~elloud~~ aloud to read this”. He turned to the next page and tapped his pencil on it a few times. Now how to start this? Oh, of course! He wrote down the words “Dear Bill” and proceeded to jot down yesterday’s events with as much detail as he could, starting from breakfast to Papa carrying him back home. 

After finishing, he looked back at his own writing critically. Had he forgotten anything? Oh, yes. “Also, Vole said dat you shud be picking out yagers for your Oner Guard now. I dun no if you hav alredi desided, but if you havent, then I sajest you pick Constantine becos he is very nice. Johann is nice tu. Radu gets minus points becos he didnt help me in de libarby.” There, perfect.

Just then, there was a knock on the door and Mama peeked in. “Oh Bill, you’re up! Why don’t you go brush your teeth and then come for breakfast?”

“Yes, Mama,” answered Bill as he closed his book. After a quick freshening up, he went to the kitchen where Papa and Barry were already sitting at the table. They both bade him good morning when they saw him. As he seated himself, Barry pushed a platter of pancakes over to him. Mama served Papa a cup of tea before sitting down. 

Papa carefully took a sip. “Ooh, my favourite blend! And done just the way I like it!” He smiled at Mama. “Thank you, Teodora. You’re such a good wife to me.”

He then turned back to Bill and Barry. “You know boys, when I first met your mother, I thought to myself that her portraits didn’t do her justice, for standing in front of me was the most beautiful woman in the world.”

He put his hand over Mama’s, gripping it gently and gave her a loving look. “She still is.”

Mama flushed and looked away. “Oh, stop it, Saturnus,” she said lightly. 

“It’s true, though,” insisted Papa. He gave her hand one last caress before going back to his breakfast. 

Barry then nudged Bill and demanded to know what he did on his Health Round, and breakfast went by with Bill telling his Other Mother and Brother about yesterday’s events with his Other Father adding comments every now and then. 

After breakfast was over, Papa stood up and declared, “Well, I’m off to Blochstadt now. I won’t be back for about a week.”

Bill stared up at him. “Wait, you’re leaving now?” he asked.

Papa looked back at him in surprise. “Of course. Didn’t I tell you before?”

“Oh, right. I completely forgot you were going today,” Bill quickly lied.

Papa smiled down at him. “That’s alright, we *did* have a pretty exciting day yesterday, after all. Is there anything you boys want from Blochstadt?”

“I want a freeze-ray,” yelled Barry, waving his fork around in excitement.

“Okay, I’ll look for one there,” answered Papa. 

“Saturnus!”

Papa winced. “Only to be used under very close supervision, of course,” he added hastily. He gave Mama a look that clearly said “happy now?”, to which Mama nodded reluctantly.

“Papa, can I come with you?” pleaded Bill. He really didn’t want to have to pretend to be Bill Heterodyne to his mother and brother - especially now he didn’t have the excuse of illness to cover up any lapses of memory or oddness this time. He didn’t think Barry would fall for the same old let’s-pretend-I’ve-lost-my-memories this time.

Papa chuckled and ruffled his hair. He rather was fond of doing that. “You’re too young now Bill, but in a few years time, I’ll be happy to take you along.”

Seeing Bill’s unhappy face, he quickly added, “I’ll bring you a nice souvenir from Blochstadt, okay?”

He turned back to Mama. “And you dear, what would you like from Blochstadt?”

“No death or destruction, please,” replied Mama dryly.

Papa laughed as if this was an old in-joke between them and kissed her gently. “I’ll bring you some lovely jewellery, alright?” he promised. “Or maybe you’d like something else? Books perhaps? I’ll look for you that series you like - what was it called again? - the Bulgarian Brothers series?”

“It’s the Bavarian Brothers series,” Mama corrected him.

Papa snapped his fingers. “That’s the one! I’m sure Blochstadt has a few of those books lying somewhere around.”

“Please don’t feel like you have to lay siege to Blochstadt on my account,” said Mama, folding her arms.

Papa laughed and kissed her again. “Nonsense, dear! I’d lay siege to a hundred cities for you.”

He turned around and pressed a kiss to both the boys’ foreheads. “Be good for your Mama, okay?” he ordered.

Bill and Barry both nodded dutifully. “Yes, Papa.”

Papa beamed at them. “That’s my boys.”

He then ran out the door where a mechanical carriage with metal legs instead of wheels was waiting for him. Bill recognised Igor in the driver’s seat, tapping impatiently on the wheel. Papa hopped into the carriage and waved to them cheerily out the window as the carriage sped off. Bill and Barry waved back until the carriage was far into the distance.

As soon as the carriage was out of sight, Barry turned to Bill. “Want to play a game?” he asked.

Bill hesitated, and then said, “Sure, let’s play hide and seek.” That would give him a good excuse to go exploring Mama’s house. Especially since it looked like he needed to wing being Bill Heterodyne for a couple more days.

Barry brightened at this. “Okay, I’ll go hide while you count to twenty.”

Bill immediately faced the nearest wall to begin counting. “Remember, no peeking,” called Barry as he ran to look for a hiding spot.

Bill slowly counted to twenty as loud as he could before yelling the traditional “Ready or not, here I come!”

The living room was fairly typical, with its fireplace, grandfather clock, couches and table and knickknacks here and there. A peek behind the curtains revealed no Barry however.

He walked into the kitchen where Mama was sitting at the table with a cup of tea and looking over what appeared to be accounts. A machine - no, a _clank_ \- sat in a corner, washing the breakfast plates busily and arranging the clean ones in a stack. Bill started opening the cupboards in his search for Barry. The last cupboard he opened, released a gust of cool air in his face.

“Barry’s not going to be hiding in the refrigerator, Bill,” called Mama, looking up from her accounts.

Bill closed the cupboard - no, the _refrigerator_ \- door and turned to face her. “Well, he _might_ have been hiding there, you never know,” he replied defensively. 

Mama smiled at him. “Try checking the other rooms,” she suggested. Bill nodded eagerly, and ran out of the room. 

Mama’s house appeared to be a single-storey one, as Bill saw no stairs. The next room he visited was his Other Parents’ bedroom, which had an adjoining bathroom. Their room was also pretty normal, what with the dressing table, study table and large bed. A rifle through the closets and a peek under the bed again revealed no Barry. As he was definitely not hiding in the bathroom either, Bill left the room behind.

Barry turned out to be hiding under his own bed. He giggled when Bill caught him. 

“I was wondering when you were going to find me,” said Barry, grinning as he kicked his legs back and forth. 

“Uh-huh, and now it’s your turn to do the counting,” replied Bill.

“I know, I know,” sighed Barry and he eased out from under the bed and walked to the nearest wall. 

“You _do_ know how to count to twenty, do you?” asked Bill curiously.

Barry raised his head to scowl at him. “For the millionth time Bill, I _do_ know how to count to twenty!” he yelled indignantly.

Bill raised his hands to calm him down. “Okay, okay, I believe you.”

Barry glared at him, clearly unmollified, but put his head down again and started counting loudly. “One... two... three...”

Bill took this as his cue to leave and ran out of the room. As he ran to the hall, an idea suddenly struck him, and he grinned to himself. Barry certainly hadn’t said that they couldn’t hide _outside_ the house, after all, and he had seen what looked like a garage outside that he was positively itching to explore.

In the garage, Bill found another mechanical carriage festooned with golden trilobites, similar to the one Papa had gotten in earlier. He tugged experimentally on the door handle, but the door was locked and didn’t budge at the least. Bill thought this a pity because he would have loved to try out those controls. Clearly, his Other Parents were worried about the same thing though. Shrugging, Bill turned to the rest of the garage. There were a lot of a Muggle tools about. A desk nearby had the beginnings of another mechanical project and there was a deathray hanging on a wall, far out of Bill’s reach. Looking around at his surroundings, Bill thought ruefully to himself that his Dad and Bill Heterodyne’s Papa would get along like a house on fire if they ever met. They could certainly bond over their mutual love for Muggle machinery. 

Hearing a noise coming from outside the garage, Bill immediately dove under the desk. Shortly afterwards, he heard the the garage door opening and then, the sound of footsteps approaching his hiding spot.

“Found you!” yelled Barry triumphantly, as he crouched down in front of Bill. “I _knew_ that you were going to hide in the garage Bill, it’s one of your favourite hiding spots.”

“Er yes,” said Bill, clambering out from under the desk. “You guessed it alright. Want to go again?”

“Okay!” chirped Barry. “You’re It now, by the way.” And then he raced back to the house, while Bill was left to count.

They played a few more games of Hide and Seek, with Mama joining in the last few rounds. Finally she called a halt to the game by announcing that it was now time for chores. 

“Why do we have to do chores?” complained Bill, as he clutched his wash cloth. “We’re rich! We have servants! Why can’t _they_ do it instead?”

“Because doing chores is good for your character,” replied Mama as she watched Barry who was putting away his toys under her supervision. “Now start wiping.”

Bill grumbled as he wiped the table. And here he thought being rich meant no chores, but it seemed like mothers were all the same everywhere in the universe. At least he didn’t have to sweep the place here. That was already being taken care of by tiny disc-shaped clanks that circled the room, cleaning as it went along. As he went to rinse his cloth, he almost tripped over one of the little clanks. It turned around and emitted a series of angry-sounding beeps at him. 

“Er... sorry?” apologised Bill.

The clank clearly accepted his half-hearted apology as it went back to cleaning the kitchen floor. Shaking his head, Bill rinsed out his cloth and went back to wiping. 

Mama later came by to check on his progress and was pleased by his work. She sent him off to his room with an order to make his bed. 

“Don’t forget to put away your toys in your box and put any dirty clothes into the hamper,” she called after him. “If your floor isn’t clear, the Minis won’t be able to clean it properly.” 

So that was what the little clanks were called! Well, they _were_ small, after all. Bill quickly made his bed and tossed his clothes from yesterday into the clothes hamper. There weren’t any toys strewn about on the floor, but there was a violin case lying in one corner. He picked it up and placed it on a shelf. He was done not a moment too soon because a Mini soon entered and started cleaning. 

The Minis were done cleaning the house by the time the three of them had finished their lunch. Bill helped his Other Mother to empty out their bins and to wipe them down with a clean cloth. After they were done, Mama warmly thanked the Minis, which got a happy beep from them, before they arranged themselves into a single row and disappeared through a flap door. 

Mama turned to Bill. “Bill, have you done your homework already?” she asked.

Wait, Bill Heterodyne had _homework_? “Er... no?” he hazarded a guess.

“I thought so,” replied Mama. “Now, why don’t you go and bring your homework out here so we can work on it together? You have lessons tomorrow, and I don’t want your tutors complaining to me that you haven’t done your homework again.”

Bill trotted back to Other Bill’s bedroom, his mind reeling. Bill Heterodyne not only had homework, he had _classes_ as well? In the middle of summer? Wow, being rich wasn’t as cracked up as he thought it would be. He himself wouldn’t be starting Dame Gently’s Wizarding Primary School until September. 

Unfortunately, it looked like Bill Heterodyne had neglected to leave a note on his table - or anywhere else in the room - detailing his homework. Bill heaved a sigh. Well, it looked like he had no choice but to carry all of Other Bill’s workbooks to the kitchen table. 

Barry was already sitting at the kitchen table with Mama, glumly working on an alphabet worksheet, when he came in. Mama frowned when she saw Bill bringing in all his books. 

“Bill, I hope that this isn’t all your homework because if so, I will need to have a long talk with your tutors regarding appropriate amount of homework for a six-year-old,” she said worriedly.

“No, of course not,” lied Bill, privately hoping that this was the case. “I just thought that I could do some revision on my other subjects as well so that I’d be better prepared for my lessons tomorrow.”

Mama looked pleased. “I’m glad to see that you’re being so hardworking, Bill. Well done.”

She cast Barry a sideways glance. “And also, you’re showing your little brother a good example,” she added.

Barry gave a groan and flopped down on the table in reply.

Mama helped him to sort out the workbooks. He had just grabbed all the books on Other Bill’s desk without taking a good look at them so he couldn’t help but be shocked and impressed over how many subjects Bill Heterodyne was expected to learn. There was English of course, and Maths and Science. But there was also History, Geography, French, Old Mech and Romanian. Looking at all of those subjects was enough to make Bill’s head spin. Fortunately, it turned out that the only homework Bill Heterodyne had was Maths and Science, much to Bill’s relief. 

It was a good thing that Mama was there to help him with his homework. Mum had taught him enough mathematics that he could finish Bill Heterodyne’s homework with only a little help. The science homework on the other hand, was a completely different story. He had to pretend that he’d been doing a lot of daydreaming during his Science classes to excuse his poor knowledge in said subject, which earned him a light scolding.

After he finished all his homework, Bill pulled the Geography book towards him and began to read. After reading for a while, he noticed something peculiar. If he stopped concentrating on the words and let his mind drift, or if he looked at the words out from the corner of his eye, they seemed to rearrange themselves into a completely different language. But if he looked at them head on again, they were back to English. He hadn’t really noticed that on his last visit, but perhaps that time he’d been concentrating hard on the books? Experimentally, he opened up the English workbook. Here, the words remained in English even if he looked at the words sideways. With the French book however, some words looked as if they were in English, but most of it was in French. If he looked at it sideways, then it was all in French. 

Bill put his head in his hands. It looked like whatever force had switched him and Bill Heterodyne about, had given them the ability to perceive each other’s language as their own. Which meant that even though it seemed like he was hearing and speaking in English, he was actually doing it in a completely different language! Thinking about how it would work however made his head hurt.

A hand tugging at his shirt broke him out of his reverie. He looked to see that it was Barry. 

“Bill, are you done with your homework now?” he asked. “Let’s go play.”

Bill shook his head. “Sorry Barry, but I haven’t finished studying yet.”

“Leave your brother alone, Barry,” called Mama, looking up from her writing. “You can play by yourself for a while.”

Barry pouted, but obediently left Bill alone and trotted over to Mama to look at what she was writing.

“Mama, what are you doing?” he asked.

“Why, I’m writing a letter to my parents at Vodenicharova Barony,” she replied. She looked wistfully down at the paper. 

“I miss them,” she confessed. “I haven’t seen them in... oh, a long while.”

Barry patted her arm comfortingly. “It’s okay, Mama. Maybe when Papa comes back home, we can all go and visit them.”

“That depends on your Father,” muttered Mama darkly.

Bill blinked. He didn’t see why Mama visiting her parents would depend on Papa. Maybe they lived far, far away? Transportation must be difficult for Muggles, especially since they didn’t have a Floo Network or Apparition or Portkeys or the Knight Bus. He didn’t dare to say anything, though he also gave her a few comforting pats. Mama shook herself, gave them a smile and gently shooed Barry off to play. 

After a while, even with Mama’s help, Bill got tired of studying. He closed his books and ran off to play with Barry. Barry wanted to play ball, so they went outside to play in the garden. When they tired of playing ball, they chased each other around the house until Mama called them in for bath time and dinner.

After dinner, it was apparently Reading Time. Mama settled down on the couch with Barry and a book. Barry read while Mama listened, and she helped him out whenever he got stuck. Bill on the other hand, read one of Bill Heterodyne’s textbooks. If he was going to have to take the Other Bill’s lessons for him tomorrow, it wouldn’t do for him to be too clueless. 

When the clock struck eight, Mama announced that it was time for bed. While she was putting Barry to sleep, Bill wrote down the day’s events in his diary. 

“Bill, what are you writing?” came Mama’s voice.

Bill jumped. He hadn’t even heard her open the door. It was a good thing that he had just finished writing. He immediately closed the book and shoved it under a workbook.

“It’s top secret information, Mama,” he told her. “You can’t read it.”

Mama only looked amused. “Alright, I won’t read it,” she said placatingly. “But you really should be in bed. Have you even brushed your teeth yet?”

Oops, he hadn’t! Seeing his guilty face, Mama ordered him to brush his teeth immediately. 

“Don’t look in my book,” he warned her before going into the bathroom.

“Cross my heart,” she said solemnly. 

Bill quickly relieved himself and brushed his teeth before popping into bed. Once he was in bed, Mama started telling him a story about how Hans and Konrad, who were best friends as well as brothers, saved the town of Miyoya from the wicked Drider Queen and her forces. He was asleep before he knew it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Minis’ original name was actually Mini Stabbies, but it got shortened to Mini after Teodora removed their attached knives. 
> 
> Actual conversation that took place:  
> “Saturnus, *no one* in their right mind would want mini clanks with knives zooming around the place where they could get *stabbed in the ankle*?”
> 
> “But, that’s the fun of it!”
> 
> “I *said*, no one in their right mind.”
> 
> “Hey!”


	11. Chapter 11

When Bill walked into the kitchen for breakfast the next day, he was not expecting to see another little boy about his age to be sitting at the kitchen table, gloomily eating breakfast.

“Mama, who’s this?” asked Barry, who was right behind him.

“His name’s Dmitri Albu, and he’ll be having breakfast with us today,” replied Mama, as she buttered a slice of bread for the strange boy. 

“But why is he here?” persisted Barry.

“Because he is a very lost child who shouldn’t have been here in the first place,” said Mama grimly. Her face and tone softened when she looked again at the boy. “After breakfast, I’ll be sending you to my parents in Vodenicharova barony, alright? They’re good people. They’ll be able to search for your family and if they can’t... then they’ll take you in and look after you.”

“Thank you, Lady,” mumbled the boy as he continued to eat.

Seating himself beside her, Bill scrutinised his Other Mother. It didn’t look like she had slept well last night. She had bags under her eyes and every now and then, gave a genteel yawn. She was also drinking a cup of black coffee though he didn’t know her well enough to know if she usually drank coffee in the morning.

Barry on the other hand, was trying to engage Dmitri in conversation with little success. He seemed too miserable to talk much. Bill could hardly blame him. He’d be miserable too if he went on vacation with his family and they had accidentally left him behind. Mama put a stop to all conversation after a question about where Dmitri’s parents were, made him burst into tears. 

After breakfast was done and the dishes given to the cleaning clank, Bill and Mama went back to his bedroom to pack his bag for classes, with Dmitri following quietly behind.

“We should’ve done this last night, but I clean forgot,” Mama told him. “Now let’s see... according to your schedule, today you have a double period of Geography first, followed by English, History after recess, followed by Maths, then Romanian and lastly, a period of Art. No, no need to pack your textbooks, Bill. There’ll be extra copies in the classroom.”

After they finished packing, Mama looked at her watch. “Well, it looks like we have enough time to stop by the post office before I need to drop you off at the Castle for classes,” said Mama. 

She turned to Dmitri, who was waiting at the doorway. “Ready to go?” she asked kindly.

“Yes, Lady Teodora,” murmured Dmitri.

The boys followed Mama back to the kitchen where Mama handed Dmitri a bundle. 

“This is for your lunch later today,” she informed him. Dmitri politely thanked her and then they were off to the garage. 

Barry was already waiting for them by the front passenger side of the mechanical carriage, tapping his foot impatiently.

“There you are!” he exclaimed. “I was waiting for you guys for _forever_. What took you so long?”

“We had to pack my bag first,” explained Bill. 

Mama led Dmitri to the front passenger side. “Barry, let Dmitri sit in the front since he’s our guest,” ordered Mama.

Barry made a face but obediently gave way to Dmitri. As soon as Mama opened the carriage doors with a key, the boy immediately climbed into the seat with a huff. Both Bill and Barry got in the backseat, with Bill placing his bag by his feet. Bill ran his hand over the red cushioned seat. He loved how smooth and plush it was. Was it velvet?

“Boys, don’t forget to fasten your seatbelts,” called Mama from the driver’s seat. 

Bill looked over at Barry who pulled a belt from the edge of his seat and buckled it. There was an identical belt at the edge of his own seat so he copied Barry. Unfortunately, being belted to his seat blocked his view of the carriage controls. He suppressed a disappointed sigh as Mama drove the carriage out of the garage and into the street.

Despite the mechanical legs, the carriage’s gait was oddly smoother than Bill thought it would be. At the side of the door, Bill found a lever that allowed him to roll the window down and stick his head out. The mechanical carriage was brilliant, but it _was_ little stuffy, and the breeze was cooling. He cheerfully waved at the passerbys, who either waved back or called greetings to him.

The carriage rambled along the roads until it finally came to a halt outside the post office. Mama carefully parked the carriage on the street before hopping out, all three boys following suit. She took Dmitri by the hand, and marched them all into the post office. 

Other than there being no owls at all, the post office looked very much like the one in Diagon Alley. There was already a queue at the counter but when people saw Mama, they immediately gave way for her. She walked right up to the counter, picked Dmitri up and put him on it.

The clerk at the counter heaved a huge sigh. “Another delivery to Vodenicharova Barony, Mistress?” she asked resignedly.

Mama flashed her a big smile. “That’s right! This boy is to go to Vodenicharova Barony along with-“ she pulled an envelope out of her pocket “-this letter.”

Dmitri’s eyes widened and he clung to Mama, arms holding her tightly. “Lady, please don’t leave me with them!” he cried. “Don’t leave me with them! I swear, I’ll be good if you just-“

“Shhh,” said Mama. She rubbed his back comfortingly and hugged him until his sobs died down and he stopped shaking so much. Then, she gently disentangled herself from him, placed him back on the counter and put her hands on his shoulders.

“Listen to me, Dmitri Albu, the postal delivery man is going to take you straight to my parents. No one here will hurt a hair on your head because-“ she directed a glare at the clerk- “I will know and I will _not_ be happy at _all_.”

She looked back at Dmitri. “Do you trust me, Dmitri?”

The boy gave a firm nod.

“Then believe me when I say you’ll be safe with the post office workers,” said Mama.

Dmitri hesitated, and then gave a tiny nod.

Mama reached into her pocket again and pulled out a small bag. She dropped it on the counter where it landed with a clink.

“The moneybag should be more than enough to cover the costs of his food, care and delivery charge,” she told the clerk.

“Of course, Mistress,” replied the clerk and she carefully pulled the boy over to her side.

“Safe travelling, Dmitri,” Mama wished him.

“Yeah, bye Dmitri,” called Barry, as he enthusiastically waved at him. Beside him, Bill echoed a goodbye as well.

“Goodbye Lady Teodora, and... thank you,” said Dmitri. A man then came, took him by the hand and led him out of sight.

Mama put her hands on her hips. “There, now that’s been settled, we really should be off to the Castle. Come on boys.”

Bill looked at the other customers as they followed Mama out. They didn’t look happy with Mama at all, and many of them muttered discontentedly amongst themselves. Were they mad at Mama for sending a lost kid through the post or were they just angry that Mama, as the Lady of the town, could cut queue as she pleased? But more importantly...

“I call dibs on the front seat,” yelled Bill.

“No fair!” squawked Barry. “ _I_ wanted to sit in front!”

“Well too bad, I called dibs on it first.”

“But you _always_ get to sit in front! It’s _my_ turn now!”

“No, it isn’t!”

“Yes, it is!”

“Boys, please don’t fight,” chided Mama. This only made the boys turn to her with their complaints.

“Mama, tell Barry I’ve already called dibs!”

“He _always_ gets to sit in front, Mama. It’s not fair!”

Mama pinched the bridge of her nose. “Boys, I said not to fight!” she snapped. 

Bill and Barry quickly fell silent. Mama took a deep breath. “Bill, you get to sit in front on the way to the Castle-“

Bill gave a triumphant “hah” and shot Barry a smug grin.

“-and Barry will get to sit in front on the way back.”

“But Mama-“ began Barry.

“If you start arguing again, then neither of you will get to sit in the front for the entire day.”

That shut Barry up. It didn’t stop him from scowling at Bill when he got into the front seat though. Bill gave him a very smug grin in return.

After carefully fastening his seatbelt, Bill feasted his eyes on the dashboard, which was filled with multiple fascinating buttons, levers and gauges. What did this little blue button do, and what were the gauges for? And what would happen if he pulled this oh so tempting lever nearby? Bill quickly sat on his hands to stop himself from touching anything. He looked at his Other Mother who was expertly driving the carriage using a combination of steering wheel, pedals, levers and buttons. He badly wanted to ask her how the mechanical carriage worked, but Bill Heterodyne probably knew already, and it might make her suspicious if he asked, so he held his tongue. He did however, make a mental note to write down his questions in the diary he had started.

He couldn’t help but wonder about that boy though. “Mama, is it really okay to send lost kids through the post?”

Mama gave a triumphant laugh. “After we got married, your father once promised me that I could send anything I wanted to my family - barring actual Mechanicsburgers and Heterodyne secrets of course, and that boy was neither.”

“But couldn’t he be brought to the Aur- whoever’s in charge of seeing to lost children?” Bill mentally cursed himself for that almost slip.

Fortunately Mama didn’t seem to notice. “He isn’t a local, so the Guards wouldn’t have bothered to try to find his family,” she said grimly.

“Why not, Mama?” Barry piped up from behind.

“Because it would take a lot of work to find his parents and send him home and the Guards are too lazy to do it,” replied Bill confidently. “Isn’t that right, Mama?”

Mama gripped the steering wheel so hard her knuckles turned white. “Something like that,” she said at last. 

“Told you so,” crowed Bill. In the rear mirror, he saw Barry stick his tongue out at him in response.

Finally, they reached the main door of the Castle. As soon as Bill had alit from the carriage with his bag, Barry immediately scrambled to the front to take his place.

“Have fun at your classes, Bill,” called Mama. 

“Yes, Mama,” Bill called back, waving a goodbye at his Other Mother and Brother. Mama waved back, but Barry refused to even look at him, still clearly furious that he had gotten to sit in front earlier. Unperturbed, Bill continued to wave at them until the carriage had passed out of the gate. Once they had left, Bill took a deep breath and turned back to the Castle. 

The intricately carved front doors of the Castle were huge, big enough that a giant could probably pass through with ease, and were faced with solid gold. An indication of how rich the Heterodynes were. The doors swung open as he approached and he walked in through the doors.

As soon as he entered, a small series of booming clunks caused him to turn - just in time to see intricate mechanisms built into the door snapping into place. 

The wide hall was lined with stone statues of giant armoured knights with animal heads and the whole room was lit with red lights. Bill gulped. The Castle was so big, how was he going to find his way to the classroom? A memory of the last time he was here suddenly struck him. 

He looked up at the ceiling. “Castle Heterodyne, could you bring me to my classroom, please?” he asked politely. 

There was a grinding sound and then the Castle spoke, “There’s nothing wrong with your legs, Young Master Bill. I don’t see why you can’t walk to your classroom.”

“But I’ll get tired if I walk all the way to my classroom and then how will I be able to concentrate on my lessons then?” argued Bill.

There was silence for a few minutes as the Castle pondered this, and then the floor rippled under Bill’s feet.

“Alright, Young Master,” said the Castle. “But just for today.”

The floor pushed him along the stones, going faster and faster as he went along. Bill saw that he was being carried to a staircase. For a second, he feared that he was going to crash into the staircase - but then the staircase turned into a slope, and he was pushed all the way to the top. There was a brief pause, and then he was carried off again, whizzing through the corridors and making sharp turns at the corners. He whooped as he sped along. This was just as fun as the goblin carts at Gringotts!

The Castle finally deposited him in a room. Bill frowned as he took in the room. This wasn’t the classroom he had seen on his last visit! Judging from the large organ taking up one side of the room, a more ordinary looking piano placed in a corner, the various musical instruments placed about, and music stands, this looked to be a music room.

“Er, Castle?” began Bill. “I’m supposed to have Geography for my first lesson today, not Music.”

“Ah yes, there’s been a slight change in your schedule and Herr Ganea will be in shortly to take your Music class,” replied the Castle. 

Bill gulped. He had never played a musical instrument in his life! This was not going to turn out well. 

A man shortly entered the room. He was short and plump and his graying hair was already balding on the top. 

“Ah, Master William!” He gave Bill a thin smile. “I hope you’ve been practicing hard this weekend?”

“What happened to the Geography tutor?” demanded Bill.

“Herr Foglio has unfortunately gotten a bout of food poisoning after eating his Jäger grandfather’s home-cooked pie.” He rolled his eyes. “Moral of the story, Master William: never eat a Jäger’s cooking.”

Bill winced. “Because they eat bugs?”

Herr Ganea sighed. “No, because Jägers can eat things that at best, will make people ill and at worst, kill them. And they sometimes forget that. Or they do, but they don’t prepare the food hygienically. Unsanitary food preparations won’t hurt a Jäger, but they will, a human. Now. Shall we get on with today’s music lesson?”

“I didn’t bring my violin,” answered Bill quickly.

The music teacher smiled at him again. “That’s alright, Master William. You can use this one here.” He picked up a violin case from a shelf and handed it to Bill. Bill gingerly accepted the violin case. 

“I didn’t bring my music books either,” he said. 

Herr Ganea crossed the room to a bookshelf. “Now let’s see,” he said, running a finger across the book spines. “There should be a copy around here some- aha!” He pulled out a book and gave it to Bill. 

“Now, let’s go through your homework piece first, ‘Ode to the Glory of Mechanicsburg’, shall we?” 

Bill gulped again but obediently placed the music book on a music stand, the violin case lying at his feet. Heart in mouth, he slowly turned the pages until he came to Bill Heterodyne’s homework piece. He looked down at the musical notes. He had no idea what they meant, much less how to play them! He wiped his sweaty palms on his pants. Well, it looked like he had no choice but to continue what he’d been doing this entire time he’d been Bill Heterodyne: wing it. 

He bent down and opened the violin case, taking out the violin and bow. Let’s see... he’d seen people playing the violin before. Now, how did it go again? Step one: take the violin and bow out of the case, check. Step two: grip the violin with your left hand and place it to your shoulder, tucked under your chin, check. Step three: hold bow with your right hand, check. Step four: play. Bill took a deep breath and then drew the bow across the strings.

_SKREE! SKRRRE SKRRRE SCREEEEEEEEEK!_

Herr Ganea clapped his hands over his ears. “Stop, stop, stop!” he bellowed. 

Bill was only too happy to stop playing. The music teacher glared at him. “Have you been practicing at all?” he demanded.

“Er... no?” replied Bill, and offered him a sheepish grin.

Herr Ganea was not amused. He crossed his arms and tapped his foot as he scowled down at Bill. “Well, since your violin playing skills seem to have mysteriously vanished during the weekend, instead of perfecting your piece, we’ll simply have to jog your memory by restarting you on beginner lessons,” he said acidly. 

He then grabbed the music book off the stand and replaced it with another. “Let’s start from the very beginning, shall we?” 

Herr Ganea started explaining the various types of musical notes in a very condescending manner. Learning the notes wasn’t so bad. At least now he knew the difference between a “C” and a “G” note, and what exactly was a crotchet. Playing the notes on the other hand, was a completely different story. Even to his own untrained ear, he knew that his playing sounded like nails scraping down a chalkboard, and he could see Herr Ganea’s face grow redder and redder. 

“That’s it!” he finally yelled. “If you insist on playing the fool, Master William, then I don’t see why both of us should waste our time. Get out!”

Bill grabbed his bag and gratefully fled the room. “And don’t think I won’t tell your father of your behaviour when he returns!” he called from behind.

Bill ran into the room beside the Music Room. Said room turned out to be the classroom he had been in on his last visit. This must be where his other lessons took place. A schedule on a wall detailing Bill Heterodyne’s lessons for the week confirmed that fact. Hmmm, it looked his next lesson was going to be English, followed by a recess, then Maths and History, followed by lunch hour, and then it was Romanian and Art. 3.30-5.00pm were free periods, and afterwards was Fighting Class. Bill looked at the rest of the schedule. It looked like the Other Bill had fighting classes everyday. 

Bill stared at the schedule. On one hand, he _was_ eager to learn Muggle fighting but on the other hand, he was worried if he’d be able to follow the lessons. That disastrous music class earlier showed that some skills certainly weren’t transferrable. It stood to reason that fighting might be one of those skills. Bill sighed. If worse came to worse, he’d just have to feign illness to escape the class.

Bill looked at the clock on the wall. Twenty minutes before English Class started. He went to the bookshelves and pulled out an English textbook. He then sat down at his desk, flipped the pages to a random chapter and began to study.

———————————————————

Bill leaned back in his chair as he munched on the sandwiches a maid had brought to him for his recess snack. Well, English class had gone far better than the Music one. 

Judging from the praise he had gotten from his tutor for his “massive improvement in English”, perhaps a little too well?

Oops?

Bill heaved a sigh. His tutor had noted that he needed to work on his spelling though. But that was going to have to be Bill Heterodyne’s problem now. He made another mental note to tell Bill to work on his English. 

Now let’s see, he knew from doing the Other Bill’s homework that he’d be able to cope with Maths, so that left History. Bill Heterodyne had unfortunately, left no indication which chapter he was on, so Bill would have to select a chapter randomly. Running a finger down the chapter titles, he stopped at “Chapter 9: The Storm King”. Wasn’t that the white king on Mama’s chess set? It sounded like he was important. He turned to said page and started reading.

He had only gotten a couple of pages into his reading when his Maths tutor came in and he was forced to put away his book. He passed up his homework and the lesson passed by without anything untoward happening. 

His History tutor turned out to be covering the reign of Faustus Heterodyne, one of the Other Bill’s ancestors. He was apparently responsible for turning a semi-nomadic people who lived in tents, into proper townspeople.

“Of course back then, the people of Mechanicsburg had no idea how to be a proper town, so during his travels around the world, Master Faustus searched for and selected the best farmers, carpenters, engineers, stonemasons, and a half a hundred other professions, who were all either lured or looted back to the town to become part of Mechanicsburg,” lectured the tutor. 

Bill put up his hand. “Ma’am, what do you mean by ‘looted’?”

His History tutor - he hadn’t gotten her name - scratched the back of her head, looking rather awkward. “That’s actually an euphemism for kidnapped, Master Bill.”

Bill stared at her. “Wait, he ran around _kidnapping people_?!” he squawked.

“Oh, not all of them were kidnapped,” his tutor hastily assured him. “And as for the ones who _were_ , once they saw how wonderful Mechanicsburg was, they quickly settled down and became proper citizens.”

Bill frowned and folded his arms. “Just like that?” he asked skeptically.

“Of course it took them time to adjust, but they were well-treated and given all the rights and privileges of any citizen - they just weren’t allowed to leave. Also, Master Faustus was known to be very generous to those who pleased him.”  
His tutor looked up at the ceiling. “Isn’t that right, Castle?”

“That’s absolutely right,” boomed the Castle. 

She looked back at Bill. “See? And the Castle should know, as it _was_ alive back then.”

“Master Faustus made me well,” announced the Castle smugly. 

“Yes, he did,” agreed the tutor. “And now back to our lesson-“

Bill went back to taking notes. He still thought that it was a mean thing for Faustus to do, taking people away from their family and home like that. He supposed that everyone had awful ancestors though. His own grandmother had been a Black and from what little his family had said in his hearing, most of the Blacks had turned out to be Dark Wizards. 

The rest of the lesson passed by uneventfully and soon it was lunch time. Like before, a maid brought him his lunch on a tray along with a cup of juice. He could get used to Mechanicsburg cuisine. Bill winced as he took a mouthful. Well. Maybe not the snails. He decided to continue where he left off on the Storm King chapter while he ate his lunch.

It really was an interesting read. The Storm King turned out to be a French noble named Andronicus Valois who was hell-bent on conquering the whole of Europa and only the Heterodynes were strong enough to stand against him. There were many battles described and though the Heterodynes and their allies were fighting the Storm King with all they had, they were slowly losing. And then Euphrosynia Heterodyne, bravely offered Andronicus her hand in marriage with the agreement that he would leave her people and her family be. But on their wedding day, Euphrosynia mysteriously vanished and was never seen again. The Storm King then swore to “search the entire world until he found her once more”. He disappeared and in his absence, his empire fell apart. Bill was just about to move on to the next chapter when he heard a voice calling his name.

Bill turned to see who it was. It turned out to be Konstantin, who was leaning against the door jamb. He ambled forward when he saw that Bill had noticed him, and pulled up a chair next to him and sat down.

“Hoy, Master Bill. Not planning to go play in de playground today?” he asked.

Wait, there was a _playground_ around here somewhere? Bill leaned back and attempted to look nonchalant. “No, I decided to study during my lunch break instead.”

“Iz goot dat hyu iz being so hardworking,” he praised. “Vot iz hyu studying?”

Bill showed him the History textbook. “I was reading about the Storm King.” A thought struck him. “Konstantin, you were alive back then, right?”

Konstantin threw back his head and laughed. “Ho yez! Hy vas chust a leetle baby Jäger though. Vy hyu ask?”

“Well, it says here that Euphrosynia Heterodyne disappeared on her wedding day, but it doesn’t go in detail of what happened. I was wondering if you knew what happened.”

Konstantin rubbed his horn slowly. “Hoo boy, now dat vas vun beeg mess.” He leaned forward. “Understand Master Bill dat Hy vas chust simple rank-und-file Jäger back then. Not General or Honour Guard or anyting special, so Hy iz only knowing vot efferyone else knows, got it?”

Bill nodded. 

“Hokay, on her wedding day, our Synnie decided to go poke about in Van Rijin’s lab. Chust to see vot he vas working out. Anyway, it turned out dat Van Rijin had booby trapped his lab vit some weird energy ting, und when she touched it, she disappeared.”

Bill stared at him. “Just like that?”

“Chust like dat,” confirmed Konstantin. “It turned out dat iffen Van Rijin himself didn’t know vot dat ting did to her - it was chust sumting he found und decided to use. So ve dun know if dat ting vapourised her, or sent her to de moon or shrunk her so tiny dat hyu’d need a microscope to see her. Hah! For all ve know, it catapulted her into de future und she’s going to show up a hundred years from now. Her Papa und her brodder searched for her their entire lives, but dey never found any sign of Synnie.”

“So, what happened to the Storm King?” Bill wanted to know.

Konstantin shrugged. “Dun know, dun care. If hyu really vant to know more about Euphrosynia though, hyu iz better off asking her Honour Guard: Daniela, Jenka und Veta.” 

He paused. “On second thought, better dun ask Jenka. Dat whole mess with Andy und Synnie iz still a beeg sore spot for her.”

_How was he going to know which of the Jägers were Daniela and Veta?_

Konstantin snapped his fingers. “Oh right, hyu probably dun know who dey iz! Veta’s de vun vit red skin und a black top hat - she’s de only vun of mine seesters who has red skin so iz easy to find her. Daniela’s got magenta skin, lots of claws und she’s got dis really nize hat covered vit fake fruit. Dey both went vit hyour Papa though, so hyu’s got to wait till he gets back.”

“Why did they go with him?” asked Bill.

It was Konstantin’s turn to stare at him. “Because hyour Papa’s de Heterodyne, of course. He ken’t be expected to leave town vitout de Jägerkin to look after him.”

Konstantin had a point. After all, the Minister of Magic and all the big Department Heads never went anywhere without a team of Aurors to protect them. Even _he_ knew that. It stood to reason that Papa, being the Lord of the town, had to have protection whenever he travelled. 

“Wait, why didn’t _you_ go with them?” he asked.

Konstantin flopped down on the desk. “Because Hy vas vun of dose who drew de short straw!” he wailed. “Now Hy’s got to stay in town while de odders get to haff fun in Blochstadt, chust in case sum madboy decides to attack de town while de Master iz away. Iz not fair!”

Bill patted him comfortingly on the back. “There, there, I’m sure you’ll get to go next time.”

Konstantin sighed and sat back up. “Hy know, Hy chust hope dat Radu remembers to bring me back dose cheeses Hy like. Blochstadt _dose_ haff verra nize cheeses, hyu know.”

Bill _didn’t_ know, but he nodded anyway. Just then, his Romanian tutor walked in and shooed Konstantin away.

His Romanian tutor turned out to be his art teacher as well, so after his Romanian lesson, she had him put away his books and work on his painting. Bill spent a relaxing period learning to paint under his teacher’s patient tutelage. Halfway through the lesson, Konstantin wandered back in to see what he was doing, and was quickly chased out again by the tutor. 

A rumble of thunder made Bill look up from his painting of the Burrow. It was already beginning to rain. He scowled at the window. He’d been hoping to go to the playground after class, and now he couldn’t because of the rain. He wondered if Fighting Class would be cancelled if the rain continued past five. 

Once class had finished, Bill walked out to find Konstantin leaning against a wall. 

“Hoy, Master Bill. Hyu vant to go play in the nursery?” he asked.

Bill nodded vigorously. The Jäger picked him up, put him on his shoulders and started running until he reached the nursery. They ended up playing tag together for a while until Bill sat on a pile of cushions to catch his breath. He must have fallen asleep then because the next thing he knew, he was being shaken awake.

“What time is it?” he mumbled sleepily.

“Iz ten minutes to five, Master Bill,” replied Konstantin. “Hyu’d better get up, or else hyu’ll be late for your class.”

Bill sat up and rubbed his eyes. “Any chance it’ll get cancelled due to the rain?”

Konstantin cackled. “Hyu vish, Master Bill! Hyour class vill take place in de training room if it rains, hyu know dat.”

Bill grumbled under his breath but got to his feet. He looked up at the Jäger. “Konstantin, do you think you could carry me like you did earlier, to the training room?”

Konstantin laughed and picked him up again. “Vun Jäger ride, coming right up!” he cried, and started loping his way to the training room.

Finally, they reached the training room. Barry was already waiting there, along with another Jäger. This one was a woman, about seven feet in height, taller than most of the other Jägers, though not as big as General Goomblast. She had indigo scales, lilac slitted pupils and a long spiked tail laid on the ground behind her. 

“Hoy, Master Bill,” said the Jäger woman. “Hyu iz chust in time for hyour lesson.”

Konstantin greeted her with a careless wave. “Hoy, Ivana.”

Bill stared at her. This solemn-looking Jäger was _the_ Ivana? The very same Jäger that had acted as unicorn bait for Damian Heterodyne four hundred years ago? Bill tried to imagine her wearing a white silk dress and flower crown, grumpily stomping through a forest as they hunted for a unicorn.

He tried to stifle a snort of laughter, but then he caught Barry’s eye and remembered Brighthorn all over again, and burst into a fit of giggles. Barry was clearly thinking of the same thing for he too started laughing, followed by Konstantin. All three of them ended up sitting on the floor as they howled with laughter. Ivana gave a brief upward glance as if to beg the heavens for patience and then waited resignedly for them to stop. Bill felt bad for Ivana, but everytime the laughter started to die down, they only had to look at each other to start giggling again. Finally, the laughter petered out for good.

“Iz hyu done laughing, or do hyu need anodder few minutes?” asked Ivana calmly.

“No, I think we’re good,” answered Barry, as he stood up and dusted himself off. Bill followed his example by standing up as well.

Ivana smiled. “Goot, now ve ken start de class.” She shot Konstantin a nasty grin. “Dun go anywhere leetle brodder, Hy vill be needing hyu for de demonstrations later.”

Konstantin gave an audible gulp.

Ivana led both the boys in a series of warm-up exercises. Twice, Konstantin tried to sneak off during the exercises, and twice Ivana caught him. The last time he tried to sneak away, Ivana used her tail to casually grab him by the foot and dangle him upside-down while she continued the exercises. 

“Today’s class iz going to be how to deal vit pipple trying to grab you,” Ivana announced after the exercises were done. She set Konstantin none too gently back on the ground. “Konstantin here iz going to be mine assistant for de day.”

Ivana only taught them a few moves, but she made sure to drill them thoroughly in each one before moving onto the next. Bill and Barry had to wince in sympathy though when she demonstrated a groin attack using Konstantin. Then she insisted that they practice on him. Bill had to keep apologising everytime he landed a hit. 

At last, Ivana called an end to the class with a reminder for them to practice, before sweeping off. A servant then descended on the boys with a tray holding a jug of water and two cups, from which they both drank gratefully. 

Bill approached Konstantin who was sitting on the ground. “Are you okay, Konstantin?”

The Jäger nodded. “Ya, chust a leetle sore, dat’s all.” He leaned closer to Bill. “Hy think she’s still mad about de unicorn merchandise Hy und de odders got for her,” he confided. Bill snickered at that.

“Young Masters, I must inform you that your mother is waiting for you at the gate,” came the Castle’s voice.

Konstantin got to his feet. “Hy’ll come und see hyu two off.” He took them both by the hand and walked them to the main entrance. As soon as Barry saw Mama’s carriage, he let go off Konstantin’s hand and raced to the front passenger door.

Bill gave the Jäger a quick hug. “Bye, Konstantin.” 

Konstantin hugged him back. “Ve’ll meet again tomorrow, hokay?” 

Bill gave him a quick nod before getting into the backseat of Mama’s carriage. He and Barry both waved to Konstantin as Mama drove off. 

“So, how were lessons today, Bill?” asked Mama. Bill launched into a narration of the day’s events, skipping the disastrous music lesson, as the carriage made its way home. 

Later that night, Bill wrote it all down in the diary he had made. He nibbled on the end of his pencil as he looked back at his own writing for anything he had missed. Let’s see... he had remembered to include his questions about Mama’s carriage, advice to the Other Bill to work on his English and a reminder to practice his violin piece. Was there anything else? Oh, of course.

“If de sweetching ting follows de same paten like last time, den its going to hepen once every mont, so I tink we both need to keep dairies everyday so dat we bot know whats going on. Also, I need you to draw me a map of de Castle so dat I dont hav to keep asking it to push me aroun when Im there.” There, that should do it.

Bill Weasley got into bed, hugging the book tightly to his chest. If the switching thing followed the same pattern as last time, then he would be waking up as himself tomorrow. He couldn’t wait to be back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t know if I made it clear, but Teodora has been running a one-woman smuggling ring where she smuggles captives *out* of Mechanicsburg. Unsurprisingly, Mechanicsburg does not approve of this.
> 
> The History book that Bill has is written by Mechanicsburgers and is thus, biased against the Storm King. How accurate it is, is also another story.


	12. Chapter 12

The next day, Bill Weasley was pleased to see that he was back in his own body and in his own little bedroom. It looked like the whole swapping bodies thing really was going to be for three days. Lying in bed, he idly wondered if the Other Bill had gotten the same idea that he did about making a journal of the things done during the switch. He got out of bed to look, but a quick search of the bedroom revealed no book or note from the Other Bill. Bill heaved a sigh. It would have made his life a lot easier if he knew what Bill Heterodyne had been doing for the past three days, but now it looked like he’d just have to wing it again. Hopefully he hadn’t gotten another punishment on his behalf.

His family was already having breakfast when he went downstairs. Both his parents wished him a good morning when he sat down for breakfast and his mother served him a plate of pancakes. It seemed rather like a typical weekday morning. Or it would be if Charlie wasn’t giving him odd looks every now and then. 

Charlie kept stealing glances at him whenever he thought he wasn’t looking. And every time Bill caught him at it, he would quickly look away. A chill ran down Bill’s spine. Just what had Bill Heterodyne _done_ in the past few days?

After breakfast was over and Dad had departed for work, Charlie came over to Bill and whispered in his ear, “Let’s go to my room, I need to talk to you about something.”

“Ok,” said Bill.

He followed Charlie up the stairs to his room. Once they were in, Charlie closed the door and turned to face Bill. He opened his mouth, then closed it back again and started fidgeting.

“What is it, Charlie?” asked Bill, after a few minutes of watching his brother fidget.

“Are you really my brother, Bill Weasley? Or are you still Bill Heterodyne?” burst out Charlie.

“Of course I’m your brother, Charlie,” replied Bill. He then blinked when he realised the last sentence. “Wait, he _told_ you about the switching thing?”

Charlie nodded. “Uh-huh, he said it was only temporary though and you’d be back today-“ His eyes narrowed. “Wait a minute, how do I know that you’re really my brother and not some other Bill in his place?” he demanded.

Bill sighed. He couldn’t blame Charlie for being suspicious - _he’d_ be suspicious too if the roles were reversed. “Last year when you were three, you accidentally stepped on a toad in the garden and you thought you had killed it and started to wail how you were going to Azkaban for its death. I suggested that we hide the body and we dug a hole under the rose bush so that we could bury it, but then it turned out that the toad was only stunned and it hopped off shortly afterwards.” He laughed at the memory. “You were so _relieved_ that it wasn’t dead.”

“It really _is_ you,” cried Charlie, and he crossed the room to hug Bill tightly. “I missed you, Bill. It’s not that the Other Bill wasn’t fun, but he just isn’t you, you know.”

Bill hugged him back. “I missed you too.” After a while, he gently pulled away. “So what happened when I was away? How did you find out about Bill Heterodyne anyway?” 

“Actually he just pulled me aside on Saturday morning and told me that he was a completely different Bill who was just stuck in your body for a while,” admitted Charlie. 

“Did you tell Mum or Dad about it?” asked Bill.

Charlie shook his head. “No, he begged me not to tell and they wouldn’t have believed it anyway. Plus, I still owed him for taking the blame for the whole stealing Mum’s wand thing.”

Eyes shining, he leaned forward. “Now to the most important thing: does Bill Heterodyne’s family really have a dragon?”

“Yes, they do. And not only did I see it myself, I actually got to _touch_ it,” replied Bill smugly. 

Charlie grabbed him by the front of his shirt and shook him with all the strength a four-year-old could muster. “I’m so jealous!” he wailed. “I want to see a dragon too! It’s not fair!” 

Bill patted him on the back. “There, there. Who knows, maybe you’ll swap bodies with a Charlie who has a pet dragon when you’re six too.”

His brother looked up at him with shining eyes. “Really?” he breathed.

Bill gave an awkward shrug. “Well, it’s _possible_ I suppose.” There was also a possibility that only people named “William” could body switch amongst themselves, but that would only upset Charlie.

“By the way, Charlie, could you tell me what happened in the past three days I was away?” asked Bill. 

Charlie looked down and scuffed his toe against the floor. “About that...” 

He went to his bed and pulled out a roll of parchment from under his pillow. He then turned back to Bill and held it out to him. “I took this from your table last night,” he confessed. “I wanted to see what it was, but I couldn’t read a lot of it.”

That was unsurprising since Charlie was still at the reading level of “see Spot run”. He gently took the parchment from Charlie and sat down on his bed to read it. It turned out to be a letter from Bill Heterodyne.

“Dear Bill Weasley,” began the letter. “Thank you for looking after Barry for me during the last swap. I was really worried about him! It was also very smart of you to come up with that Hunt-Down-My-Lost-Memories game. (Barry and I had lots of fun playing it the next day, by the way). Also, thanks for finding those books about my ancestor, Damian Heterodyne. They were really fun to read! I still can’t believe _Ivana_ had to play unicorn bait. (You’ve met her already, haven’t you?) She was so mad at us for telling everyone about it. Especially since a lot of the Jägers didn’t know about it and the ones that did, had already forgotten.”

“Oh, I’ve forgotten to introduce myself! Hi, my name is William Heterodyne, but everyone calls me Bill. I’m six years old, and my birthday is on the 29th of November. I live with my mother and brother. My Papa mostly lives in Castle Heterodyne, our ancestral home - but I guess you already know that by now. My favourite food is gingerbread and my favourite drink is orange juice. I like science, reading and playing with my brother. What about you? Anyway, I’m sure you’re wondering what happened during the swap, well-”

The letter then went on to the things Bill Heterodyne had done during his turn. Apparently Mum had taken them shopping in Diagon Alley on Saturday. He gushed over how wonderful Diagon Alley was and all the shops he had seen in multiple paragraphs. He talked about how he had wanted to check out the joke shop, but Mum had refused to let him set foot in it. She did buy him and Charlie a Chocolate Frog each to make up for it though. He’d gotten a card of Albus Dumbledore, which he had added to Bill Weasley’s own pile of Chocolate Frog cards in his desk drawer.

Sunday had Bill’s parents take their sons to the library where they had spent most of the day reading. Bill Heterodyne regretfully informed him that he had not yet found any books about body switching there, although he suspected they might be kept in the one section he’d been shooed out from.

There were more paragraphs devoted to Mum’s lessons, helping Dad in the garage with his Muggle Artefacts, chores done and games played. It ended with a tentative date on when the next switch would take place, and a suggestion for both of them to start diaries to keep the other updated. 

“PS, burn this letter once you’re done reading it,” came the post-script at the end.

Once Bill had finished reading the letter, he flopped down on Charlie’s bed and stared at the ceiling, trying to process what he had just learned. Somehow, he wasn’t surprised at all that he and the Other Bill shared the same birthday. They both also had a brother two years younger than themselves and a father who was very interested in Muggle technology. He wondered idly if his Other Mother was pregnant too. She hadn’t _looked_ pregnant, but then again, neither did Mum until a few months back. 

“So what did the letter say?” asked Charlie as he flopped down beside his brother. 

Bill shrugged. “He just introduced himself to me, and told me about what happened when I was away.”

“Oh,” said Charlie. “Is ‘The Switch’ going to happen again?”

Bill glanced down at the parchment again. “If it follows the same schedule as last time, then it’ll happen again next month from the 21st to the 23rd.”

“Oh,” said Charlie again. There was silence for a while and then- “Can I sleep with you on the night before? Maybe if I do, I’ll be able to come with you when you switch places.”

“It’s fine with me,” replied Bill.

Charlie gave a little cheer and started chattering about he couldn’t wait to see the Heterodynes’ dragon for himself while Bill nodded and smiled as he listened to him. Privately, Bill thought that it was highly unlikely that Charlie would get to travel with him - the Other Bill’s brother wasn’t named “Charlie” after all - but he didn’t want to burst Charlie’s bubble.

Just then, Mum called them down for lessons and with a groan, the Weasley brothers got up from the bed. As they traipsed downstairs, Bill slipped the letter into his pocket for safe keeping.

The day’s lessons passed by uneventfully. Much to Bill’s relief, he hadn’t missed much in the past three days he was gone and could still keep up with his mother’s teachings. When she got up to cook lunch, he waited until her back was turned before throwing Bill Heterodyne’s letter into the fireplace where it burned merrily. There, now their secret was safe!

—————————————————-

It was at dinner time when a realisation suddenly struck Bill. If he was going to have to fake being Bill Heterodyne every three days a month for Merlin-knows-how-long, he’d have to take up the violin too. He was confident that he’d be able to muddle through the other lessons somehow, but he couldn’t fake playing the violin when he didn’t know how. And people were going to ask questions when Bill “mysteriously” lost all his violin-playing ability a few days a month. Or at the very least, Bill was going to get a heavy scolding from his parents for “playing the fool” during his violin class. He swallowed his mouthful, put down his fork, and took a deep breath.

“Mum, Dad, can I learn how to play the violin, please?” he asked.

Mum’s eyebrows shot right up. “Why the sudden interest in violin lessons, Bill?”

“I heard this wizard play a violin piece on the radio today,” lied Bill. “It was real brilliant Mum, and I thought it would be awesome to play like him.”

Mum’s face softened. “Oh Bill _honey_ , we simply don’t have the money to buy you a violin, much less violin lessons,” she said gently.

“Your Uncle Bilius knows how to play the violin,” said Dad slowly. “I suppose I could ask him if he’d be interested in teaching you.”

Mum turned to Dad. “And where are we going to get a violin?” she demanded. “Those don’t come for cheap, you know.”

Dad drummed his fingers on the table before answering. “I remember old Perkins mentioning once that he used to play the violin in his younger days before he lost interest in it. I could ask him whether he still has the violin and if he’s willing to give it to me.”

Bill ran around the table to give his father a big hug. “Thanks Dad, you’re the best Dad in the entire world! No, the entire _universe_!”

Dad flushed, looking rather pleased by the sudden burst of affection. “Now, now, Bill, I can’t guarantee that you’ll get your violin and lessons. Old Perkins might have lost his old violin or given it away already. And your Uncle Bilius might not be free to give you classes.”

Bill gave him another hug. “That’s still better than nothing. Thanks again, Dad.”

He then scampered back to his place to eat the rest of his dinner. There, that was one problem taken care of! Well, _going_ to be taken care of, at the least. Of course, there was the possibility that his Dad wouldn’t be able to get the violin _or_ the lessons for him, but he’d cross that bridge when he came to it.

—————————————————

It was the day after the next when Arthur Weasley came back from work and called Bill aside. 

“What is it, Dad?” asked Bill.

Dad grinned and with a flourish, produced a violin case from his robes. “Ta-da! Old Perkins passed me his violin this morning itself.” He handed it over to Bill. “And now, it’s all yours.”

“Wow, thanks Dad!” cried Bill, and he eagerly opened the violin case, impatient to see his violin. The musical instrument in the case was clearly an old violin, all battered and scarred. Thirdhand at the very least - a sharp contrast to the fine one he had used in Mechanicsburg - but Bill supposed that it would do.

He hugged the violin and its bow to his chest. “I love it! Thanks again, Dad!”

Dad beamed down at him. “You’re welcome, Bill. Oh, I almost forgot! Perkins threw _this_ along with the violin.” He pulled out a book from his robes and passed it to Bill.

Bill glanced down at the book. “Violin Playing For Beginners,” he read. He looked up again at his father. “Just what I needed! Thanks Dad, once again.”

“No problem,” replied Dad. “Oh and I talked with your Uncle Bilius regarding your violin lessons, and he said he’s free to give you lessons every Saturday.”

Bill threw his arms around his father. “You really are the best Dad in the world.” He pulled away after a while, and packed the violin and its bow back into the case. “And now, I’m going to my room to practice,” he announced, before scurrying upstairs.

Bill sat down on his bed with his violin case and flipped open his book. Huh. Apparently there were a _lot_ more steps involved in playing the violin, other than “apply bow to instrument”. Fortunately for him, the book had many moving diagrams that instructed the reader on how to play the violin. Also, there was a proper way to hold the bow? Well, that explained why Herr Ganea had yelled at him back then to “hold it properly”, but frankly he’d been yelling at him for a lot of things. He already knew what the strings were called, but here was how to play them. There was also an explanation of what his left hand was needed for - other than holding his instrument. The book advised him to play around with each string to get used to playing the violin, before moving onto the next exercise. Bill thought that this sounded like excellent advice and settled down to do so. 

Bill was just attempting to play a scale when there was a knock on his door and his father walked in carrying a music stand. He gave Bill a sheepish grin before setting it on the ground.

“Perkins passed me this as well. I shrank it and put it in my pocket but I forgot to pass it to you just now,” explained Dad. “Oh and by the way, your mother wants you to come for dinner.”

Bill heaved a sigh but obediently put away his violin before following his father downstairs.

——————————————————

Bill’s days soon settled into their usual routine, only with the addition of violin practice and his nightly journal keeping. To his surprise, Bill found that he enjoyed playing the violin and never forgot to practice. It also helped that Uncle Bilius was a better music teacher than Herr Ganea. (Though to be fair to Herr Ganea, he did believe that he was dealing with a more advanced student rather than one who was picking up a violin for the first time in his life).

He dutifully wrote in his journal every night so that when the “The Switch” - as Charlie called it - next happened, Bill Heterodyne would know what to do and how to pass for him. He always referred to the Other Bill as “Bill Journal” in his entries just in case his mother found the book while cleaning his room one day and read it.

The few times his mother brought him and Charlie to the library, he had tried looking for books that explained his and Bill Heterodyne’s situation. So far, he had found books about body swapping and books about traveling to different worlds, but none that combined the two. And furthermore, all the books he had found were clearly fictional. He was suspecting that Bill Heterodyne was right, and the books he wanted were kept in the Restricted Section, but he always got chased off by a librarian whenever he tried to go there.

Still as the days went by, Bill found himself looking forward to “The Switch” - a clear contrast from the last time. Of course it helped to know when it would take place and that it was only for a short while. Knowing those two facts made “The Switch” seem like a great adventure. And a secret only he, Bill Heterodyne, Charlie - and perhaps by now, Barry - shared, to boot.

(And the bustling cheerfulness of Mechanicsburg was far more preferable than the aura of tension and fear in the Wizarding World nowadays that even _he_ could pick up. At least there were no Death Eaters or Dark Lords in Mechanicsburg).

The night before “The Switch” was to take place, Charlie marched into Bill’s room with his stuffed dragon toy clutched in one hand. 

“Move over, Bill. I’m coming with you to Bill H’s place,” announced Charlie.

Bill sat up in his bed. “Charlie, I really don’t think that this will work,” he began, and then frowned. “Wait, Bill H?”

Charlie jutted his lower lip out stubbornly. “You don’t know that for sure! Maybe it’ll work if I hold on to you in the night,” he said hotly. “And I’m calling him Bill H because Bill Heterodyne is too much of a mouthful.”

Bill gave a huff. “Oh all right, you can sleep with me tonight.” Seeing his brother’s growing smile, he quickly added, “But don’t get upset if it _doesn’t_ work.”

Charlie quickly climbed into his bed. “It’ll work Bill, I know it will,” he replied confidently. “Now, budge over.”

Bill obediently made room for his brother, making sure that he didn’t accidentally lie on his journal. Once Charlie had settled into bed, he put an arm around Bill’s waist, as if to prevent him from slipping away in the night. 

“Goodnight, Bill,” yawned Charlie.

“Goodnight, Charlie,” echoed Bill, and he shut his eyes and went to sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

“Found another piece!” crowed Barry triumphantly as he fixed a jigsaw puzzle piece in place. 

Bill gave him a short round of half-hearted applause before turning back to the remaining pile of puzzle pieces on the kitchen table. He unenthusiastically began to sort them into two groups: one for the edges and another for the inside pieces. 

He had barely gotten halfway through Bill Heterodyne’s journal when Mama called him for breakfast. He had figured that he could get back to reading the book after finishing breakfast but then Barry had pulled out a jigsaw puzzle and invited him and Mama to play, and he couldn’t think of a way to say no, especially after Mama had agreed to play.

Bill heaved a sigh. At another time, he wouldn’t have minded doing a jigsaw puzzle together with his Other Family, but now the half-read book in Bill Heterodyne’s room itched at him. What if the Other Bill had left important information for him in those unread pages?

He snuck a peek at Barry who was attempting to jam two puzzle pieces together. Bill Heterodyne had mentioned in his diary that he had already told his brother about “The Switch”, but here was Barry acting perfectly normal. Either he was a very good actor or he didn’t know that “The Switch” had already taken place. Watching Mama gently explain to Barry that the puzzle pieces he was holding didn’t go together, Bill decided that it was probably the latter.

He also couldn’t help but wonder how Charlie was doing back home. Bill hoped that he hadn’t been too upset when he found himself still in Bill’s room. He hoped that Bill Heterodyne would cheer him up, or at the very least, help distract him.

Just then the doorbell rang. Mama got up from her seat at once. “I’ll go see who that is while you two stay here and continue working on your puzzle,” she said before leaving the room. 

“Who do you think that is?” asked Barry as he picked up a puzzle piece from the edges pile.

“I don’t know,” replied Bill, and he stood up. “But I’m going to find out.”

Mama only had the front door slightly ajar while she and the visitor talked in low voices so Bill drew closer to see who she was talking to.

“No, I’m afraid the boys are sleeping in today,” he heard Mama inform the visitor.

“No, we aren’t, Mama,” piped Bill from behind, making her jump. “Who’s that at the door?”

“Hoy, Master Bill,” came a familiar voice from behind the door.

“Konstantin!” cried Bill, and he raced towards the door, eager to see the Jäger. 

Mama reluctantly let the door swing open, revealing not only Konstantin at the entrance, but also Johann, Radu and an unfamiliar female Jäger. Bill eyed the new Jäger with interest. She was short and plump with golden skin and eyes and a pair of ram horns poked out from her curly blonde hair. Bill thought she was rather pretty, though not as pretty as Mum.

Konstantin grinned down at him. “It’s Founder’s Day Festival today, Master Bill. Und since hyour Papa iz busy vit de organising und all, ve thought ve’d take hyu boyz around.”

“Dere’s going to be cake und games und shows und a fair und fireworks und lots of odder tings,” added Johann.

Bill who had been getting more and more excited with every word Johann said quickly turned to his Other Mother.

“Mama, can we go, please?” implored Bill as he tugged on her skirt. 

“Wait, Founder’s Day is _today_? I want to go too!” yelled Barry who had come into the room just in time to hear about Founder’s Day. He immediately joined Bill at tugging at their mother’s skirts.

“Mama, can we go to the Festival? Can we? Can we? Oh please, please say we can go to the Festival?” chorused both boys, looking pleadingly up at her.

Mama looked upwards and tapped her foot as she thought it over. “Alright, you can both go,” she finally relented.

“Hooray!” cheered the boys and the Jägers. 

“But first, some ground rules.” Mama took a deep breath. “I want you both to stay together and stick close to the Jägers. No running off, understand?”

Bill and Barry both nodded. “Yes, Mama.”

She then turned to look sharply at the waiting Jägers. “And as for you lot-“

The Jägers quickly stood at attention, doing their best impression of responsible adults. 

“Make sure that my sons eat at least one proper meal,” ordered Mama. “They are _not_ to gorge themselves on sweets the entire day. Also, they are not to enter the Red Cathedral or the Flesh Yards. Lastly, I expect them both back by seven o’clock sharp. Not one minute late, or I will be _very_ upset, do you understand?”

“Yez, Mistress,” chorused the Jägers.

Mama dug her hand into one pocket and pulled out her purse. She then proceeded to give both boys a small pile of coins each. 

“This is your spending money for today,” she told them. “Bill, be sure to help your brother with paying for things, please.”

“Yes, Mama,” replied Bill, privately grateful to his other world counterpart for naming and tracing out the local coin denominations in his diary. At least now he wouldn’t be lost if he wanted to buy something.

“Good boy,” praised Mama. “Now go have fun, you two.”

The boys didn’t need to be told twice. They immediately ran out of the door and took a Jäger’s hand. Bill took Konstantin’s hand, while Barry held the Jäger lady’s.

“Mistress, would hyu like to come vit us as vell?” asked Johann politely.

“No thank you, I’m afraid I have a headache,” replied Mama coldly.

Johann didn’t bother to hide his relief. Mama then gave the boys a smile and the Jägers a nod before closing the door.

“So, vere should ve take de boyz to first?” asked Radu as they walked down the street.

The Jäger lady tossed her hair back. “Let’s go to the Red Cathedral first,” she suggested.

The other Jägers immediately rounded on her. “Nadya, de Mistress chust said not to take dem dere,” scolded Johann.

“De Mistress chust said not to let dem go _inside_. She never said dat dey ken’t look at it from outside,” retorted the Jäger lady, who was apparently named Nadya. She then smirked. “Besides, de Red Cathedral iz a verra important cultural building, und is part of de keeds’ family history. Iz goot for dem to see it up close.”

Radu sniggered and punched her in the arm. “Nadya, hyu bad gorl!” he exclaimed. Konstantin grinned as well but Johann only frowned. 

“Hy tink ve should let de keeds demselves decide where to go first,” said Johann. He looked down at the boys. “Boyz, vere would hyu like to go to first?”

Bill had absolutely no idea what the local attractions were. Perhaps Bill Heterodyne had mentioned it in his diary, but he hadn’t gotten that far yet, so he simply shrugged and said, “The Red Cathedral’s fine with me.”

“I want to see the Red Cathedral up close too!” yelled Barry.

“Hah!” crowed Nadya, and she shot Johann a smug look. He rolled his eyes in response. 

“Hokay, Red Cathedral it is den,” he said. 

He was about to say more when Konstantin interrupted. “Hoy keeds, do hyu vant to get dere de slow way, or de fon way?” 

“Fun way, fun way!” begged Barry, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

“Hokay den.” Konstantin knelt down. “Chust sit on my shoulders, Master Bill.” 

Well, it looked like the fun way was going to be a shoulder ride. It definitely beat walking. Bill clambered onto Konstantin’s shoulders and gripped two tufts of his hair to hold onto. He saw Barry doing the same thing with Nadya as well, only holding on her horns instead.

“Hold on tight,” was the only warning Bill got before Konstantin leaped into the air and landed on a rooftop. It was a good thing that Konstantin was holding onto his legs because Bill thought he might have fallen off if he hadn’t. A delighted squeal and three thumps behind them indicated that Barry and the other Jägers had joined them. Bill had scarcely gotten his breath back when Konstantin took off, winding his way through the maze of rooftops and chimneys. He and the other Jägers had clearly been doing this for a long time, judging from the agile way they ran on the roof tiles with nary a slip. They also jumped any distance between houses as easily as one might jump over a puddle. Barry was clearly enjoying himself if the gleeful cries were any indication. Bill on the other hand, was alternating between enjoying the ride and being terrified that he would fall to his death whenever the Jägers made a jump. In the distance, he could see other groups of Jägers making their way through the rooftops. Watching the other groups, Bill was forced to admit that Konstantin and the other Jägers were actually being careful with him and Barry. For one thing, they weren’t doing any stunts. Still, he was rather grateful when the Jägers finally climbed down using a pillar that judging from the amount of claw marks on it, was often used as a Jäger climbing post.

From there, it was only a short walk to the Red Cathedral. Bill had to admit that it was rather impressive with its large stature, tall spires, stained glass windows and numerous carvings of skulls and monsters. There was also a big golden trilobite placed just above the entrance and from within, Bill could hear the indistinct sound of people chanting. He could see why it was called the Red Cathedral though as the entire building was dark red in colour. 

“Do hyu boyz know de story of how de Red Cathedral came about?” asked Konstantin. When the boys shook their head, he grinned. “Oh good, den Hy gets to tell.”

“Hokay, about a hundred und feefty years ago, hyour great-great-great grandfather Dante de Goot got into an argument vit old Prince Vadim of Sturmhalten. De prince bet old Goot dat he couldn’t build a cathedral in Mechanicsburg und if he actually managed to do it? Vy, he’d eat his hat! So of _course_ Dante had to build a cathedral just to show him.”

Radu decided to butt in at this point. “Ho, und ven de Cardinal came over to oversee it-“ Nadya and Johann elbowed him hard.

“Shot op!” hissed Nadya.

“Remember vot de Mistress said about child-inappropriate stories?” warned Johann. 

Radu grumbled a little but fell silent quickly.

“So, what happened with the Cardinal?” asked Barry, after a few moments of silence.

Konstantin shifted uneasily. “Er... well-“

“Ven de Cardinal came, he vos verra impressed vit de cathedral und he commended Old Goot on a great job,” interjected Johann smoothly. 

“Yah, dat’s exactly vot happened!” agreed Konstantin. “Anyvay, Prince Vadim followed through on his bet und ate his hat.” His voice dropped to a dramatic hush. “ _Down to de verra last bit._ ”

Bill imagined a prince out of his bedtime stories eating a wizard hat and had to giggle. “He really ate it, just like that?”

Nadya shook her head. “No, he said he vasn’t a barbarian so he ordered his cook to cook it for him und den ate it vit a lot of barbecue sauce. Ve know because Old Goot insisted on him doink it publicly so dot no vun could say dot he veaselled out of deir bet.”

“Yah, ve all applauded vunce he finished de last bite,” laughed Radu.

Barry who had drifted a little closer to the cathedral steps during the conversation and was studying the building turned back to ask, “Why does Mama not want us to go inside the Red Cathedral?”

The Jägers all looked at each other. Finally, Johann spoke up. “Hy tink it’s because she doesn’t follow our religion. Most of de Christians here are Eastern Unorthodox. Hyour Mama iz Orthodox.”

Barry frowned. “But what’s the difference?”

Johann shrugged. “Hy dunno. Go ask hyour Mama.” He held his hand out to Barry. “Now, vy don’t ve go to de Greens next? Hy heard dat a lot of fon stuff iz happening there.”

Barry continued to frown, but nodded and took Johann’s hand. As they were turning to leave, Bill holding on to Konstantin’s hand again, he heard a faint scream coming from inside the cathedral. He stopped walking at once and turned back to the cathedral.

“Vot iz it?” asked Konstantin. 

“I heard someone scream from inside the cathedral,” answered Bill. He looked up at Konstantin. “Konstantin, I think someone’s hurt! We should go check it out!”

The Jägers exchanged a quick indecipherable look. “Iz more likely dat someone’s chust seen a mouse und gotten scared, Master Bill,” said Konstantin lightly.

“Ho yez, de Red Cathedral’s lousy vit dem,” added Radu brightly.

“Oh,” said Bill, feeling suddenly very foolish. That _did_ seem far more likely than someone being hurt. After all, the chanting was still going on and the people inside would certainly have stopped if one of them was injured, wouldn’t they?

Konstantin smiled down at him. “Iz hokay, Master Bill. Now let’s go check out de Greens, shall ve?”

Bill smiled back at him and nodded his assent. Konstantin led him gently down the street and soon their little group was off again, to the next stop of their excursion.


	14. Chapter 14

Well, Johann had been right about there being a lot of activities at the Greens, which had turned out to be a large greensward. Bill had enjoyed the various performances but not the Snail Jousting event, as it was taking forever for the jousters to even reach each other on their giant snails. In the end, he and Barry - who had found it just as boring - pestered the Jägers to take them elsewhere. The Jägers then took them to Tiny Monster Island, where for a few coppers, one could buy strips of meat to feed the tiny monsters. They were awfully tame, and would cheerfully submit to being petted. (For some reason however, he and Barry were warned to never step off the path). Bill thought it was a pity that Charlie couldn’t have been with them for he would have enjoyed playing and feeding the little monsters. On the other hand, if he was here, he would’ve probably tried to smuggle a few of them back and then there’d be trouble!

After that, the Jägers took them out for lunch at a nearby restaurant. “Hyu keeds better choose someting light because ve are going to de cake competition afterwards,” advised Johann. 

“Yah, if hyu eat someting heavy now, hyu von’t hef space for cake later,” agreed Nadya.

“Can’t we just have cake for lunch?” pleaded Barry.

The Jägers all shook their heads. “Hyour Mama said dat hyu two iz to eat at least vun proper meal today, so dat’s vat hyu iz going to do,” said Konstantin. 

Barry sighed. Both boys then ordered a light meal when the waiter came to their table. After they had placed their order, Barry announced that he needed to use the toilet.

“I’ll take Barry to the toilet,” volunteered Bill, getting up from his seat. 

Konstantin smiled at him. “Goot boy. Chust ask de staff vere de toilet iz, Hy’m sure dey’ll point it out.”

Bill nodded and took Barry by the hand before walking off. A passing waitress cheerfully directed them to the toilet. They had just finished their business and were washing their hands when it occurred to Bill that this was an excellent opportunity to talk to Barry about “The Switch” now that they both were alone. He wiped his wet hands on his pants and turned to Barry.

“Er, Barry?” he began. “I don’t know if your brother told you this but-“

Barry rounded on him with a finger pressed to his lips. “Shhhh,” he hissed. His eyes darted around the room. “Don’t talk about it here!” He marched up to Bill, pulled his head down and whispered in his ear, “Mama says the Castle has ears everywhere in town, and you should know now that the Castle _won’t_ be happy at all if it knew about ‘The Swap’.” He pulled away. “We’ll talk more about it once we’re home, Bill.”

“Okay,” replied Bill. He then blinked. “Wait, so you _did_ know that I was already-“ he waved his hand back and forth “- _you know_?”

Barry crossed his arms and looked away. “I thought it was happening tomorrow, actually. I only realised when you said ‘your brother’,” he muttered.

“And here I was, wondering if you were a good actor,” marvelled Bill. He grinned and took Barry’s hand. “Come on, let’s get back to our table. Hopefully the food’s already arrived. I’m _starving_.”

“It’s really weird you know, looking at you and knowing about the whole you-know-what,” complained Barry, walking beside Bill.

“If you think _that’s_ weird,” Bill informed him cheerfully, “you should imagine how I feel, having to pee in someone else’s-“

“Shhhh!” hissed Barry again, looking around to see if anyone was listening. “I told you not to talk about it when we’re out!” He whispered in Bill’s ear again, “Once we’re home, I want to hear all about your world. Bill already told me that everything there runs on magic.”

“Not _everything_ ,” objected Bill. “But sure, I’ll tell you everything once we’re back.”

Reaching their table, they found that the Jägers had decided to join tables with another group of Jägers and were cheerfully chattering amongst themselves. 

“-Und den she stabbed me und dat’s how Hy knew dat she vas De Vun. Hy asked her out de verra next day, und she accepted. Ve dated for a while den Hy proposed, she said yes, und ve vas happily married for about feefty years before she passed,” concluded one of the new Jägers, who could have passed for human were it not for the sharp teeth, claws and the one ram horn on his head.

“Luff at first stab iz _so_ romantic,” sighed Radu wistfully. The other Jägers made various sounds of assent.

Bill frowned as he reseated himself. He didn’t know much about girls or dating, but he didn’t think stabbing had a place in it.

“I don’t see how a girl stabbing you is romantic,” he objected.

All the Jägers burst out laughing. “Ho, ho, hyu iz still a leetle boy und do not understand de ways of luff,” chuckled Konstantin and he gave Bill’s hair a quick ruffle. “Dun worry, hyu vill find nize gurl to stab hyu ven hyu iz grown up.”

Bill still didn’t see how stabbing could be considered romantic. He looked over at Barry who just shrugged at him. He then resolved to ask Papa if a girl stabbing you was considered normal in this world when he next saw him. Just then, their lunch arrived and Bill concentrated on eating his meal while the Jägers continued talking about various women whom they had gone out with after she stabbed them.

After lunch, they went to the cake competition. There was already a crowd, but the Jägers nudged and shoved their way to the front while yelling at people to “make way for de Heterodyne Boyz”. They were apparently late since the judges were already judging the cakes. From his perch on Konstantin’s shoulders, Bill was surprised to see that two of the judges were Papa and Carson. The other judge was an older woman wearing goggles. 

Finally, the judges announced the winner who turned out to be a middle-aged lady, and presented her with a big golden trophy shaped like a cake and a bag of money. After that, Papa announced that the public could now buy slices of cake from the contestants which caused the crowd to surge forward to the cake tables. A monster shouted for people to queue up at the cake stations.

“Go for the chocolate cake, Johann!” Bill heard Barry yell. Konstantin who clearly knew what Bill Heterodyne liked, was already heading towards the gingerbread cake. He managed to cut queue by informing people that he had the Heterodyne Heir on his shoulders and did they know how much he loved gingerbread? It was surprising how well it worked. 

Once they reached the table, Konstantin insisted on paying for two slices of gingerbread cake, claiming that Bill would need to save his money for the fair later on. Bill looked down at his slice. He had eaten gingerbread multiple times in his life, but he had never tried gingerbread _cake_ before. Experimentally, he took a bite. It turned out to be delicious. A few bites later, and the cake was gone, leaving only crumbs behind.

Bill looked around at the other cakes, but alas there was no treacle cake or pumpkin cake. Much to his disgust, there was a snail cake and a bug cake present. (Konstantin on the other hand, had been delighted to see them and yelled at other Jägers in the queue to buy him a slice). Since the chocolate cake was rapidly finishing, Bill decided to queue up again to get a slice of orange cake and another of cheese.

Cake in hand, Bill descended from Konstantin’s shoulders and told him that he wanted to see his father. It would be rude to not say hello to him since they were already here, after all. Konstantin insisted on taking him to a nearby pump first, pointing out that he could hardly greet his father with sticky fingers.

Papa turned out to be standing beside the judges’ table, swinging a shrieking Barry about, with the other Jägers standing close by. He put Barry down when he saw Bill.

“Bill,” called Papa, beckoning him forward.

Bill ran forward and gave his Other Father a hug. “Hi, Papa,” he said.

Papa hugged him back. “Hello, Bill. Having fun so far?”

Bill nodded. “Uh-huh.”

“And where’s your mother?” asked Papa, scanning the crowds for her.

Nadya cleared her throat. “De Mistress stayed at home as she vas feeling unwell, Master.”

“She has a headache,” chimed in Barry helpfully.

“Well, it’s good to know that it isn’t anything serious,” replied Papa, and then he frowned. “Still, perhaps I should just nip over for a while and see how she’s doing.”

“Master, de Mistress iz probably having a lie-down now,” said Nadya. “She surely wouldn’t appreciate hyu clomping around und disturbing her nap.”

“Assuming dat she really _haz_ a headache in de first place,” muttered Radu.

“What was that you said, Radu?” asked Papa in an odd tone as he turned to face him.

“Nothing, Master! Absolutely nothing at all!” replied Radu hurriedly. 

Papa looked at him for a couple of heartbeats before going, “Alright then,” and turning back to Nadya. Once Papa had turned away, Bill saw Radu sag with relief and Johann nudge him hard while giving him a meaningful look.

“I suppose you’re right, Nadya,” said Papa. “My beloved wife _wouldn’t_ like me disturbing her nap. I’ll just have to get her something to make up for her missing the whole festival.”

Nadya nodded understandingly. “Of course, Master.”

Papa looked down at Bill and Barry. “Now boys, I still have time before my next event. Shall we go to the fair in the meantime?”

“Yes!” cheered the boys.

Papa took them both by the hand. “Alright, let’s go then!” He looked back at the Jägers. “You’re invited too,” he informed them. The Jägers grinned and obediently followed behind as they walked to the fair.

————————————————————

The fair turned out to contain a mixture of mechanical rides, various games of skill and chance, along with the occasional fortune teller and sideshow. Their little group had fun going on all the rides - except the ones Bill and Barry were deemed too young for. Papa explained how the various games were rigged, using the Jägers to help demonstrate. The Jägers themselves showed the boys how to beat the games. So far, between him and Barry, they had won: a glass figurine of a woman that Bill planned to give to his Other Mother, a ball that lit up when bounced, a stuffed dragon toy that looked like Franz, a toy mammoth, a clockwork bear and a little wooden boat. It was a good thing that the Jägers were around to help them carry their prizes!

Right now, Papa was helping Barry with how to throw a ball at the targets presented. Barry screwed up his face in concentration, aimed and then threw the ball at the targets. He failed on the first try. And on the second. But he finally succeeded on the third try. Everyone in their little group applauded while Barry beamed with pride. Even the game proprietor applauded. 

“Well done, Young Master,” cried the game proprietor. “Now, what prize would you like?”

“Hmmm,” said Barry as he looked over the prizes. “I’ll pick... _that one_.”

“That one” turned out to be a pink stuffed unicorn. Papa and the Jägers started laughing when they saw it. 

“Now, now, Barry, it’s not nice to tease poor Ivana so,” mock-scolded Papa.

“Even if she deserves it?” muttered Radu.

“Maybe I’ll keep it for myself,” said Barry as he hugged the unicorn. “I mean, look at it, Papa. It’s so fluffy!”

“That it is,” agreed Papa. “Now, where shall we go to next?”

Bill tugged on his Other Father’s pants. “Can we get something to eat, first? I’m hungry.”

“Hi, Hungry. I am Papa,” replied Papa with a huge grin on his face.

Both boys groaned. “Papaaa!”

“What? _I_ thought it was funny,” said Papa.

“It was very lame,” Bill told him. Beside him, Barry nodded emphatically in agreement.

“Alright, alright, I’ll stop,” laughed Papa. “Now, let’s go get a snack.”

They went to a food vendor where Bill got a large slab of gingerbread and Barry got a honey-glazed trilobite on a stick. Papa claimed that he was still full from all the cake earlier, but he did buy himself a slice of cheese. Munching on his gingerbread, Bill had to finally admit that Mechanicsburg made the best gingerbread he had ever eaten. Not that he would ever admit it to Mum.

Konstantin and Nadya leaned on each side of Papa and batted their eyelashes at him. “Master, iz hyu going to buy _us_ any snacks too?” asked Konstantin.

Papa shoved them off with a laugh. “The whole lot of you are grown adults! Go buy yourselves your own snacks!”

There was a collective “awww” from the Jägers, but they did buy their own snacks. As they were buying snacks, Papa took out a golden pocket watch with a trilobite engraved on it and frowned.

“How time flies when you’re having fun,” he remarked. He then snapped the pocket watch shut and put it away. “Boys, I’m afraid I’m going to have to leave you with the Jägers again,” he told them. “I have to go judge at the Best Dail Contest now.”

“That’s okay, Papa,” said Bill, privately wondering what a “dail” was. “Maybe we’ll see you around later?”

Papa leaned down and ruffled both his and Barry’s hair. “Of course you will,” he said warmly. “Now be sure to stay close to the Jägers. No wandering off, okay?”

Bill and Barry nodded. “Yes, Papa.”

Papa clapped them both on the shoulders. “Good boys,” he praised. He then strode off into the distance.

The boys watched him go silently and then Barry asked, “So, where are we going to next?”

“Hy heard de Trilobite Thespians are doing a play. Ve should go check it out,” suggested Johann.

“He vants to go dere because hiz great-great-granddotter iz taking part,” said Konstantin to Bill in a loud whisper.

Johann puffed his chest out with pride. “Hy’ll have hyu all know dat she iz playing a beeg part in de play. She iz acting as de High Priestess.”

“A play sounds like fun,” said Barry. “I think we should all go.”

“Dat’s right!” roared Johann and he scooped up Barry into his arms and put him on his shoulders amongst Barry’s giggles. 

“Vot about hyu, Master Bill?” asked Radu.

Bill shrugged. “I don’t mind watching it either.”

“Hah!” crowed Johann. “ _Both_ de young masters iz wanting to see de play, so dat’s vere ve’re going to next.”

“Hokay, hokay,” groaned Radu. “Ve heard hyu, now can ve go?”

——————————————————-

The play turned out to be performed outdoors like many of the other performances. Fortunately, they provided seats. Bill glanced fondly at Barry who was sitting next to him and - despite his enthusiasm for the play - had fallen asleep shortly after it started. The poor kid was so tired from wandering around town that he hadn’t even woken when Johann’s great-great-granddaughter appeared onstage and Johann started cheering loudly. Bill was tickled to see that Barry was still holding onto his pink unicorn as he leaned against Nadya. 

The play turned out to be about Bill and Barry’s ancestor, Ghengis Ht’rok-din, who had been the chieftain of a nomadic tribe and had one day, came across a little village. The villagers had been so awed and impressed by the Ht’rok-din’s strength and skill that they declared him the consort of their own battle goddess and a god in his own right. The Ht’rok-din then married the High Priestess, the two peoples were joined as one and together, they founded the town of Mechanicsburg. Bill had to admit that it was a pretty good play. He joined the rest of the audience in applause when the curtain fell and the actors came out to take a bow.

Barry was still sleeping in his seat. Bill poked him with his index finger to wake him up.

“Go ‘way,” grumbled Barry as he tried to wave him off with his eyes still closed. “‘M sleepin’.”

Bill continued to poke him in various spots. “Barry, wake up. The play is already over.”

That made his eyelids crack open. “Wha?” mumbled Barry.

Nadya put a hand on Barry’s shoulder. “Hyour brodder iz right. It’s time for us to go,” she told him.

Barry slowly sat up and rubbed his eyes. “I really missed the whole show?”

“Yez,” confirmed Radu.

Barry scowled and kicked his legs against the chair. “But I _wanted _to see it! Why didn’t anyone wake me?”__

__Nadya shrugged. “Hy think everyvun thought dat hyu must be verra tired to fall asleep so quickly dat no vun vanted to disturb hyour rest.”_ _

__Barry continued to scowl, clearly unmollified by the explanation. He then turned away and refused to look at anyone._ _

__“So, where are we going to next?” asked Bill, anxious to break the awkward silence that had fell._ _

__“Ve iz all going for dinner. By de time hyu finish dinner, it vill be nearly seven so then ve’ll drop hyu two boyz home,” replied Johann._ _

__“Sounds good to me,” agreed Bill. “Let’s go.”_ _

__———————————————————————_ _

__Dinner had been at another restaurant. The meals had been alright (despite most of the offered dishes being made of snails), but the desserts had been absolutely delicious. Even Barry who had still been sulking over missing the play, cheered up after dessert._ _

__After dinner was done, their little group started making their way back to Mama’s house. Bill couldn’t help but feel a little sorry that they had to go back so fast since the festivities were still ongoing._ _

__Just then, he heard Papa’s voice call out to them. The Jägers clearly heard it as well because they stopped to let Papa catch up with them._ _

__“Hoi, Master Saturnus! How did de dail contest go?” asked Konstantin._ _

__Papa flung himself at the Jäger. “There were so many good dails there! I don’t know how they expected me to choose the best one!” he wailed. “In the end, I declared them all winners and gave them all a ribbon each.”_ _

__Konstantin patted him on the back. “Dere, dere, Master. Hy’m sure the dails were happy to know dat dey were all Goot Boyz. Or Goot Gurlz.”_ _

__Papa accepted the pats gratefully and then pulled away. “So where are you all headed to next?” he asked._ _

__“Ve iz taking de boyz back to their Mama’s house, Master Saturnus,” answered Johann._ _

__“De Lady Teodora told us to bring dem back before seven,” piped Radu._ _

__Papa smiled indulgently. “Of course my darling Teodora would want the children to go to bed on time, but I don’t see why they can’t stay up late for once. This _is_ Founder’s Day, after all.” He turned to the boys. “So boys, do you want to stay up a little longer, or are you already tired and want to go home?”_ _

__“I vote for staying up!” yelled Bill, putting his hand up._ _

__“Me too!” cried Barry, copying his brother._ _

__Papa grinned and clapped his hands together. “That’s settled then. Jägers, please go to my wife’s place, pass her the boys’ prizes and tell her that they’re with me. She can hardly blame you for following my orders, after all.”_ _

__The Jägers grinned back. “Of course, Master.”_ _

__Before the Jägers could lope off, Bill yelled at them to wait. He then took the glass figurine he had won from Konstantin. “I want to give this to Mama myself,” he explained. “And thank you all for taking me and Barry out.”_ _

__“And thank you for all the food,” said Barry. He handed Johann his pink unicorn. “Please pass this to Mama as well.”_ _

__“Hyu’re welcome, Young Masters. Ve’re glad dat hyu both enjoyed yourselves,” replied Johann warmly. “Und now, ve must be off!”_ _

__The Jägers gave them a cheerful wave and then loped off. Bill watched them jump on a nearby roof before disappearing into the distance._ _

__“Have you boys had your dinner already?” asked Papa. When they both nodded, Papa sighed. “Well, maybe you can have drinks while I eat my dinner then.”_ _

__Papa took them to another restaurant, different from the one they had gone to for dinner. As he ate his dinner and they sipped on their drinks, he told them more about the dail contest. It turned out that there weren’t enough prize ribbons for all the dails, so Papa had to pay people to get more, as well as buy enough dail treats for all of them. The dails themselves - which turned out to be a hybrid combination of dog and snail - had been more interested in the packet of dail treats than the ribbons. For some reason however, most of their owners hadn’t looked happy about everyone getting a ribbon._ _

__“I thought of getting you boys a dail of your own, but unfortunately your mother’s allergic to pets,” he told them. “So, where did the two of you go after I left you in the fair with the Jägers?”_ _

__Bill told him about the play they had seen and how Johann’s great-great-granddaughter had been in it and acted as the High Priestess. Barry slumped lower and lower in his seat with his every sentence._ _

__“Papa, I didn’t get to see it!” he burst out. “I fell asleep and no one woke me up!”_ _

__Papa laughed and quickly tried to disguise it as a cough when Barry glared at him. “That’s alright, Barry. You can see the play next Founder’s Day. They do it every year, after all,” he said._ _

__Barry flopped down on the table. “But that’s going to be _forever_ ,” he wailed._ _

__“Well, I know a couple of things that will take your mind off the play,” said Papa with a wink._ _

__After Papa paid the bill, he took them to a town square where a group of musicians had already set up shop in a corner and were playing a cheerful, jaunty melody. There were already a bunch of people, Jägers and monsters dancing to the melody, either singly, in pairs or in little groups. With a start, Bill recognised the crocodile-headed old lady monster that he had to interview during the Health Round, as one of the dancers._ _

__“Come on, boys! Let’s dance!” called Papa._ _

__Papa led them into a little dance, Bill clutching his figurine the entire time. Papa even taught them a few easy dance steps as well. The three of them danced until they were tired, and then they sat down on a nearby bench to watch the other dancers while they sipped on drinks that Papa had bought from a nearby vendor._ _

__Papa flipped open his pocket watch again. “Ah, it’s almost time!” he exclaimed. He got up from the bench. “Follow me boys.”_ _

__He took them to a tower that was apparently known as the Heterodyne’s Observation Tower._ _

__“Excellent for astronomy, watching an invader’s approach and for spitting on enemy soldiers,” explained Papa. Both boys giggled at the mention of spitting. “Now up we go.”_ _

__Bill looked at the number of stairs leading upwards and balked. “Papa, can we not?” he pleaded. “I don’t feel like climbing up all these stairs.”_ _

__“Me neither,” piped Barry._ _

__“That’s alright,” said Papa and he picked up both boys and started walking upwards. Papa was clearly a lot stronger than he looked because he managed to carry them all the way up without pausing._ _

__Bill stared. He could see the entire town from here and for the first time since “The Switch”, he could finally see what laid outside the town. He could see the fields and the mountains and in the distance, little lights from what had to be nearby villages._ _

__“It should start anytime soon,” murmured Papa as he looked up at the sky. Bill followed his gaze and then he saw it. Fireworks were being set off. Bright, sparkly, multicoloured ones and ones that looked like flowers and pictures and others that looked like actual fire. They were just as good as the ones back home! He and Barry oohed and aahed over the fireworks until the last one was over._ _

__“What next, Papa?” asked Barry._ _

__“Now we are going home,” answered Papa. Both boys groaned in reply. “Now, now, boys, your mother won’t be happy with me if I brought you back _too_ late, so it’s back home we go.”_ _

__Bill and Barry groaned again but they dutifully followed Papa down the winding tower stairs._ _

__They walked down the street, Papa holding each of them by the hand, until they passed by a row of shops and Papa suddenly came to a halt._ _

__“I can’t believe I almost forgot to buy Teodora a present,” he whispered to himself as he stared at the shops. Papa quickly made a beeline to one of the open shops, which turned out to be a flower shop. Bill was surprised that a florist was still open at this hour, but Papa explained that this particular florist sold a variety of night-blooming flowers and thus, closed late._ _

__In the end, Papa chose a bouquet of moon lilies. Bill thought this was a rather boring choice, compared to the interesting-looking carnivorous flowers sold, but he supposed mothers didn’t really care for flowers that looked like they’d bite your nose off if you took a sniff._ _

__“Flowers for the Mistress, I presume?” asked the florist as she wrapped the bouquet._ _

__“Yes, my Teodora had to miss Founder’s Day Festival as she was feeling unwell, so I thought some flowers would cheer her up,” replied Papa._ _

__“The Mistress sure is lucky, having you as a husband, Master,” gushed the florist. “I hope she enjoys the flowers!”_ _

__“I still think we should have bought the snapdragons instead,” complained Barry as they left the shop._ _

__“Your mother doesn’t care much for local Mechanicsburg flora,” said Papa. “Lilies on the other hand, are her favourite flower.”_ _

__Barry grumbled that he still thought the snapdragons were better, but subsided shortly afterwards._ _

__It wasn’t long until they finally reached Mama’s house. Papa rang the doorbell and a minute or two later, Mama opened the door. Papa presented the bouquet to her with a flourish. “A present for my lovely wife.”_ _

__Mama took the bouquet from him with a small smile. “Thank you, Saturnus.”_ _

__Bill then presented her with the glass figurine. “Mama, this is for you! I won it at the fair.”_ _

__Mama carefully took the figurine. “It’s beautiful, Bill. Thank you so much!” She leaned down and dropped a kiss on his forehead._ _

__“Don’t I get a kiss as well?” laughed Papa._ _

__Mama dutifully kissed Papa on the cheek. Barry too received a kiss. Then they all followed Mama into the house._ _

__Mama put the bouquet of moon lilies in an empty vase and the glass figurine on the mantelpiece before sitting down on the couch where Papa joined her. Bill and Barry decided to sprawl on the floor where it was much cooler._ _

__“So, what did you two do today?” asked Mama._ _

__Barry jumped up and launched into a narration of the day’s exploits while Mama listened attentively to him. She frowned when Barry talked about how they had seen the Red Cathedral - despite Bill hastily adding that they hadn’t gone in - and smiled when Barry talked about the fun they had at the fair._ _

__Bill was feeling pleasantly drowsy as he listened to Barry when he suddenly remembered a question he had._ _

__“Papa, is it really _normal_ to date a girl who stabbed you on the first meeting?” he asked._ _

__“Oh yes, getting stabbed by a girl on your first meeting is a common way to meet your future sweetheart,” laughed Papa. “Why, even your mother tried to stab me the first day we met,” he continued, giving her a fond look. He put a hand over hers, gripping it gently. “And now, we’re a perfect lovey-dovey couple,” he concluded._ _

__Mama looked away, her cheek flushed, as if she was embarrassed by the tale. But from where Bill was sitting, he could see her other hand clenched tightly in a fist. It was trembling, as if she was furious at what Papa had just said. But that couldn’t be. His Other Parents loved each other, just as much as his own parents._ _

__Didn’t they?_ _


	15. Chapter 15

The first thing Bill Weasley did when he woke up the next day was to pick up where he had left off from the Other Bill’s - no, _Bill H’s_ \- diary. There was the usual talk of home and lessons, along with a description of the other Mechanicsburg kids that he sometimes played with and what their usual games were. In the last few pages, Bill H talked about Founder’s Day Festival, what it was about, and complained bitterly about how he was going to miss all the fun. Much to Bill’s relief, Bill H explained how since this year’s Founder’s Day had fallen on a Sunday, the next day would be a public holiday, which meant no lessons.

Bill H also gave an outline of the topics he was covering in his lessons, the violin piece he was practicing and which subjects he had homework in. According to him, his homework had already been completed so all Bill had to do was turn it in. On the last page, Bill H had helpfully written down directions on how to get to the classrooms and the playground from the Castle’s main entrance. He clearly remembered Bill’s request as there was also a map - or rather, an _attempt_ at a map - included.

Bill quickly jotted down yesterday’s events in the diary. After finishing the last sentence, he set down his pencil and leaned back in his chair. His gaze wandered over to Bill H’s study books and he heaved a sigh. Since he had to be Bill H for another two days, he had better dedicate today to studying so that his other world’s counterpart wouldn’t get in trouble. He reached out and picked up the nearest book, which turned out to be a science textbook, and started reading.

Bill had only gotten a few pages in when the bathroom door opened and Barry walked in. 

“Okay B.W., I know that we were both too tired to talk yesterday but it’s a whole new day and you _promised_ to tell me about your world, remember?” said Barry.

Bill closed the book. “Of course I remember, Barry.” He then frowned. “Wait, B.W.?”

“It’s Bill and mine’s nickname for you,” explained Barry. “Because your initials are B and W, see?” He looked away, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. “Do you mind it?” He asked shyly.

Bill smiled and shook his head. “Technically, my initials are W.A.W., but I’m okay with being called B.W.”

Barry broke into a relieved smile. “That’s great! So, now about your world...”

Bill gestured at him to sit down on the bed. “You might as well make yourself comfortable since this is going to be a long explanation.”

Bill told Barry all he knew about the Wizarding World, and how it got separated from the Muggle one centuries ago because the Muggles of that time hated and feared magic. And yes, science _did_ exist in his world, though he was unsure how it differed from Europan science.

Barry listened intently to his explanation all the while. He sighed once Bill was done.

“I wish I could go to your world,” said Barry wistfully. “It sounds like so much fun! I want to see your house and go to Diagon Alley and ride a flying broomstick and, and-“

“It’s not as much fun now that there’s a Dark Lord and Death Eaters running around, you know,” warned Bill.

Barry flapped a hand at him. “Yes, I know. Bill told me.” He then giggled. “I can’t believe that there’s really an evil wizard named You-Know-Who!”

“You-Know-Who’s not a laughing matter! He’s killed lots of people already, you know,” said Bill heatedly.

Barry made a calming gesture. “Alright, alright, I won’t joke about him.” He then stood up and put his hands on his hips. “I bet Papa could take him out though,” he said confidently. “Papa would whip out his deathray and - _pew, pew_ \- You-Know-Who’d be dead. Just like that.”

Bill imagined smiling, cheerful Papa going up against You-Know-Who and shuddered. Anxious to change the subject, he asked, “So, what’s Bill Heterodyne like?”

Barry cocked his head to one side and put a finger to his chin as he thought. “He’s a lot bossier than you,” he said at last. “Also, he’s very annoying in the morning.”

Bill’s eyebrows went up. “Oh?”

“He almost always wakes up early and then he’ll come in my room, throw back my covers and bug me until I get up.” Barry scowled at the memory. “I _never_ get to sleep in because of him, you know.” His face then softened. “But he’s also nice and smart and he comes up with fun games all the time and he’s the best big brother in the whole wide _world_!”

Bill smiled at him. “You two are really close, huh?”

Barry nodded emphatically. “Uh-huh.” He shifted in place. “So... what are we doing today?” he asked.

Bill slumped down in his seat. “ _I_ am going to have to spend the rest of the day studying for Bill H’s lessons tomorrow and practicing his violin piece,” he said gloomily. He shot a look at the journal. “He was nice enough not to mention it, but I _know_ he must’ve gotten into trouble for my awful violin playing the last time we switched.” Bill sighed. “This would be a lot easier if Bill H just went to school, like a normal person,” he informed Barry.

Barry gave a shrug. “Sorry, B.W.,” he said apologetically.

“It’s not your fault, Barry,” said Bill and he sighed again. “You’re rich people and rich people always get tutors. It’s just that it would be a lot easier to fake being Bill if he went to class with lots of other students. At least then I won’t have to study so much.”

Barry opened his mouth to say something but just then, there was a knock on the door and Papa poked his head in. 

“There you two are!” he exclaimed. “You both better go for breakfast now or the food will get cold.”

“Yes, Papa,” chorused the boys. They then got up and followed him down the hallway but instead of going to the kitchen, Papa headed out the front door.

“Papa, where are you going? Aren’t you going to be eating breakfast with us?” asked Barry.

“I’ve already eaten my breakfast,” replied Papa as he stood in the doorway. “And now I have to go for a meeting with the Town Council.”

“In that case, have a good day at work, Papa,” offered Bill.

Papa gave him a look of exaggerated misery. “I have a day full of boring meetings ahead. Not good in any way,” he informed Bill. “And they’re all going to be held in that _miserable eyesore of a building_ that is the Town Hall!” He threw a hand out dramatically. “I swear I’m going to burn down that building one of these days!”

An impatient horn blared through the air, which made Papa wince. “But not today though because Carson will be angry at me,” he continued cheerfully. He then raced out of the house, down the path and hopped into the mechanical carriage that was waiting for him. The boys waved as the carriage drove off and then went to the kitchen for their breakfast.

After breakfast, Bill retired to Bill H’s bedroom for a day of study. He opened up the Science textbook again and picked up where he left off. The subject _was_ interesting but after an hour or so of reading, he grew tired of studying and decided to practice Bill’s violin piece. 

Bill H had helpfully dog eared the page in his music book so it was easy to find. The piece was entitled “But I Don’t Want To Go Home (I Just Want To Eat Bats)”. There were even lyrics included. The song turned out to be about one of Bill H’s ancestors who had gone underground to fight the Unseen Empire but then had gotten hooked on bat sandwiches. His brother kept sending messengers asking him to come back home and help him rule, but he refused each time. In the end, his brother got fed up and personally kidnapped him back to the surface. But it turned out alright because his brother had bought crates of bats for him to eat. Scanning the pages, Bill realised that he had enough knowledge to know that the piece was a little more complicated than the pieces he knew. This was unsurprising since Bill H had - what? weeks? months? a year’s? - worth of musical experience compared to him who only had a month’s worth of experience. Fortunately, it looked like Bill H was only assigned the first page of the piece. Bill arranged the book on the music stand, picked up his counterpart’s violin and got into position. At least _this_ time, he knew what the notes were!

After practicing the violin for a while, Bill grew tired of playing it and went back to studying. He soon fell into a rhythm of studying until he got tired of reading, then practicing his violin piece until he was tired of doing it, and then going back to studying. By evening however, he was fed up of both and ran out to play with Barry until it was time for bed.

Mama tucked him into bed that night and kissed him on the forehead. “I’m proud of you, Bill,” she told him. “You’ve been so hardworking lately. First, you do your homework without me telling you to do it, and then today you studied all on your own. Well done!”

Bill gave her a shy smile. “Thanks, Mama,” he replied. Inwardly, he squirmed at the praise as he himself was only studying so that Bill H wouldn’t get in trouble with his tutors and Bill H had only done his homework in order to lighten his burden. Somehow, he doubted that Bill H would keep up this work ethic once they switched back. Mama, unknowing of his inner guilt, kissed him again and then left, switching off the light as she went, leaving Bill to fall asleep.

———————————————————

The next day found Bill in the Music Room. Fortunately, the directions that Bill H had provided turned out to be accurate. Herr Ganea had not yet arrived so Bill decided to practice his violin piece. He was aware that his playing wasn’t perfect, but he hoped that it could pass for adequate at least. 

He had just gotten a few bars in when Herr Ganea came in and ordered him to start from the beginning. Herr Ganea went through the whole page with him, correcting where he went wrong, and sometimes making him repeat entire bars. At one point, the tutor demonstrated what the page sounded like when played. Bill had to admit that it did sound rather nice. 

“Sir, could you play the entire piece, please?” asked Bill after Herr Ganea had finished playing.

His music tutor gave him an odd look but then shrugged. “Well, I suppose that there’s no harm in you hearing the entire song again. It might give you a better understanding of the piece,” replied Herr Ganea.

He then put the bow to the strings again and started playing the song from the beginning. This time, the Castle sang along to the piece. Listening to the lyrics sang out for the first time, Bill could see that it was a pretty catchy tune and resolved to learn the entire song.

Once he had finished playing, Herr Ganea went back to coaching Bill. At the end of their lesson, he ordered Bill to practice more as his mastery of the page was still inadequate. Bill bowed his head and meekly promised to do so, which seemed to satisfy the tutor.

The next lesson was Science, which was taught by Igor. Igor started the class by giving a ten minute lecture about the importance of lab safety. According to Bill H’s journal, this was something that Igor always did, so Bill sat quietly and attempted to look attentive.

During the recess break, Bill decided to visit the playground that he had been told about, using Bill H’s directions. He softly hummed the song “But I Don’t Want To Go Home” as he trotted along the corridors. 

“Bill!” called Papa’s voice from behind him.

Bill stopped and turned to see Papa jogging towards him, carrying a toolbox in one hand.

“Where are you off to, Bill?” he asked cheerfully.

“I’m just going to the playground, Papa,” answered Bill. 

“Well, I’m headed in that direction so we can walk together,” said Papa. “So how are your lessons going?”

Bill shrugged. “They’re going alright.”

“And your music piece?” persisted Papa.

Bill winced. “Herr Ganea says that I need more practice before I can move on to the next page,” he admitted.

Papa laughed. “That’s alright, Bill. Just keep on practicing.”

They walked in silence for a while before Papa spoke up again. “So, did Herr Ganea tell you how the Black Heterodyne kidnapped his brother back to the surface? I know that that part isn’t very clear in the song.”

Bill shook his head. Papa grinned in response. “Okay, so it’s like this: the Red Heterodyne and the Black Heterodyne were twins and their father named them co-rulers when he died. And when the Red Heterodyne went underground, his twin was left to rule by himself - and to put up with the Castle’s incessant nagging to get married. This made him very unhappy and since his brother kept refusing his messengers, he had to personally go to invite him back to the surface.”

He paused. “Of course, the Red refused so the Black Heterodyne gave a very touching speech about brotherly love and how much he missed his twin. Old Crimson - that’s the Red Heterodyne’s birth name by the way - was so moved by his speech that he hugged his brother, at which point the Black yelled ‘sucker!’, stabbed him in the neck with a paralytic venom, hoisted him over his shoulder and took off running. Well, Crimson wasn’t going to take _that_ lying down, so he yelled for his Jägers to rescue him, and it turned into one big game of ‘keep away’. The Black Heterodyne’s team won in the end, so old Crimson had to come back to Mechanicsburg.”

Bill imagined two packs of Jägers stealing a red-headed adult back and forth and had to giggle. “But it turned out fine in the end, didn’t it, Papa? Because the Black Heterodyne bought lots of bats for his brother to eat.” 

Papa ruffled his hair. “That’s right, it did!” boomed Papa.

They stopped at a room where a giant mechanical cat stood patiently in the center. The cat was engraved with beautiful swirls and arabesques but at the same time, was covered in wicked-looking spines, hooks and sharp edges. Its left foreleg was clearly damaged.

“Castle, I know I told you not to move the FSMDAD earlier on, but could you move it a few steps?” asked Papa.

The mechanical cat obediently took a few steps forward. An awful grinding, screeching sound came from the leg, which Bill could see, was not moving as smoothly as the others. 

“Thank you, Castle,” said Papa. He turned to Bill, twirling a screwdriver that had suddenly appeared in one hand. “Want to help me fix it, Bill?”

Bill hesitated. He would rather go play in the playground, but he was aware that Bill H _liked_ science. This counted as “science”, didn’t it? Wouldn’t it look odd if “Bill Heterodyne” chose to go play instead of helping his father fix his Muggle Artefact?

“Of course, Papa,” he replied, doing his best to look enthusiastic. 

Papa grinned and then bounded over to the waiting clank, with Bill slowly following behind. He put his toolbox on the ground, opened it and pulled out a wrench. 

“Okay Bill, all you have to do is pass me the tools I ask for,” said Papa. “It’s alright if you don’t know what they look like, I’ll teach you.”

Bill suppressed a sigh. It looked like this was going to be just like helping Dad in the shed with his Muggle artefacts. This shouldn’t be too hard. 

Papa was already using the wrench to unscrew the nuts and bolts of the damaged leg’s casing. Once he had removed the last one, he passed them to Bill to hold and then yanked the casing off. Inside was an assortment of gears, screws and other mechanisms. Bill knew nothing about clanks, but even he could see how some of the mechanisms were bent and warped.

Papa rubbed his hands together. “Now, we can get to work,” he announced. “Pass me the screw-down ripple wrench, will you?”

Bill peered into the toolbox, which luckily was well-organised, and quickly found the wrench section. He had helped his father in the shed with his Muggle artefacts enough times to know what a wrench was, but he had absolutely no idea how to identify a screw-down ripple wrench from the others.

“It’s the one with the wavy jaws,” said Papa helpfully.

The “jaws” Papa was talking about was the opening at one end, wasn’t it? At first, Bill couldn’t find a wrench that fitted his description, but then he spied a wrench lying on the bottom of the wrench tray. It certainly _did_ have curved jaws.

“Is this the one, Papa?” asked Bill, as he brandished the wrench at him.

“Yes, that’s the one! Well done, Bill!” praised Papa as he took the wrench. He then proceeded to remove some of the damaged components. 

“Now, I need a sharp-bladed screwdriver,” announced Papa. “It’s the screwdriver with the sharp end.”

This time, Bill quickly identified the tool and passed it over to Papa, who used it to remove more parts. They fell into a little routine of Papa calling out the tool he wanted with a brief description of it, and Bill rummaging through the toolbox to find the tool he wanted. It was a lot like working with Dad, with the difference being that Papa actually knew what he was doing. Finally, they - or rather, _Papa_ \- were done with cleaning and removing all the damaged components from the clank’s leg.

**_”That will be all, Bill. Now, I can really get started,”_** said Papa in an odd tone that gave Bill goosebumps for some reason. 

Bill watched as Papa installed new gears and created new mechanisms all while making a weird buzzing hum as he worked. At some points, Bill had to rub his eyes hard because they couldn’t seem to focus on what Papa was making. Perhaps Bill H needed to get his eyes checked? He’d have to remember to write that down in his journal tonight.

At last, Papa put down his tools and wiped his brow with a handkerchief from his pocket.

“Is it done?” Bill ventured to ask.

Papa scratched his chin. “Hmmm, let’s see.” He slapped the clank on its flank. “Hey Castle, make this clank take a few steps back and forth so that I can decide,” he ordered.

The mechanical cat dutifully stepped forward and then backwards. This time, the left foreleg moved as smoothly and as easily as the other legs. Bill clapped his hands in delight.

“We did it! We did it!” he cried. 

Papa wagged a finger at him. “We can’t say that yet, Bill.” He slapped the mechanical cat on the flank again. “Now, take a few steps to the right and then back again,” he ordered.

When the clank stepped easily again, he nodded in approval and beckoned Bill to come closer. 

“Help me put on the new casing, Bill,” he said as he handed Bill a wrench. “You do the left half, and I’ll do the right.”

Thanks to Dad, Bill did know how to use a wrench to tighten the nuts and bolts. Papa still finished his half first and then helped Bill complete his half and tighten the bolts he had done even further.

Papa stepped back and looked at the clank with his hands on his hips. “It’s time for the ultimate test,” he declared. He looked at Bill with a grin on his face. “Let’s take this thing for a ride.”

Bill looked at the clank, which was bristling with sharp pointy edges and gulped. “How are we going to ride it, Papa?”

The clank promptly laid down and Papa picked him up and put him on its neck. A flap opened in front of him, revealing a handle. He felt Papa climb up behind him and put an arm around his waist.

“Hold on to the handle with both hands, Bill,” instructed Papa as he put his free hand on the handle. 

As soon as Bill did so, the mechanical cat slowly stood up and walked out of the room and down the corridor. After a few minutes of walking, Papa urged the clank to go faster. It obediently sped up. This clearly wasn’t fast enough for Papa though, and he dug his heels into its sides, urging it to go even faster. The mechanical cat broke into a fast lope as it raced down the hallways. Bill clutched the handle even harder as he shrieked half with delight and half with fear. Behind him, Papa whooped with glee. The few servants that they met either plastered themselves against the walls or ducked into adjoining rooms to let them pass.

They had just passed through the Gallery of Razors when suddenly Mama and Barry came out of an adjoining corridor ahead of them. Papa immediately dug his heels into the clank’s sides again.

“Stop, stop!” he yelled. 

The mechanical cat slowed down, but they were still getting closer and closer to Mama and Barry. They weren’t going to stop in time! Bill squeezed his eyes shut so that he wouldn’t see the impact. Fortunately, the clank screeched to a halt before it could run into them. When Bill risked a peek, he saw that the clank had stopped just a few inches away from them.

“Hello boys,” said Mama dryly. Behind her, Barry waved cheerfully at them.

“Teodora, my love! I didn’t expect you to be in the Castle today,” called Papa from his perch on the clank.

Mama shrugged. “I was just returning a book I borrowed from Igor last week. I forgot to pass it to him this morning.” She raised an eyebrow at them. “What are _you_ two doing?”

“Papa and I fixed this clank together, and we were trying it out to see if our repairs held,” explained Bill.

Mama nodded. “I see...” She let her sentence trail off into an awkward silence before smirking up at Papa. “So, do _we_ get a ride too?”

Papa grinned at her. “Of course!” He looked up at the ceiling. “Castle, please bring my beloved and son a mount to ride on,” he ordered.

“Yes, Master,” replied the Castle.

Shortly afterwards, another mechanical cat appeared. It was identical to theirs, only the patterns engraved on it were different. It laid down in front of Mama, who put Barry on its neck before expertly swinging up behind him. 

As soon as they were seated, Papa directed the Castle to take them to the Gallery of Serpents, only at a more sedate pace. Said gallery turned out to be wide enough that the two clanks could walk abreast. Watching his Other Parents talk and laugh with each other, Bill decided that he must’ve been mistaken about what he’d seen on the festival night. Clearly, his Other Parents loved each other, just like his own.

Mama broke away from her conversation with Papa to frown at Bill. “Bill, shouldn’t you be at lessons?” she asked.

“Oops,” said Bill and Papa simultaneously.

Mama glared at Papa. “ _Saturnus_! And here was I, thinking that one of Bill’s classes got cancelled today!” she exclaimed.

Papa rubbed the back of his head and gave her a sheepish grin. “I’ll just take Bill here to his classroom, shall I?”

Mama gave him a sharp nod. “You do that,” she said.

Bill waved a goodbye to his Other Brother and Mother. Then Papa - or rather, the Castle controlling the clank - took Bill back to his classroom. As soon as the clank reached the classroom, it laid down on the floor so that both Papa and Bill could jump off. 

As soon as Bill entered the class, his Romanian tutor jumped up from her seat and opened her mouth, but then closed it back again when she saw Papa. 

“Please excuse my son’s tardiness, Frau Sala,” said Papa. He smiled down at Bill. “He was helping me repair a damaged FSMDAD, and I’m afraid that we both lost track of time.”

Frau Sala nodded at him. “Of course, Master.” She looked back at Bill. “I just hope that _someone_ hasn’t forgotten to do his homework.”

“I _did_ do it,” protested Bill. “It’s right in my bag.”

Papa clapped a hand on his shoulder. “And here is where I have to leave you, Bill. Have fun at your lessons,” he said.

“Yes, Papa,” replied Bill. 

Papa winked at him and then walked off. Once he was gone, Bill rummaged through his bag, pulled out Bill H’s Romanian homework and passed it to his tutor. She sat back down and pulled out a pen.

“Master Bill, you might as well sit quietly and read a book while I mark your homework,” advised Frau Sala. “We only have a few minutes left before your class ends, so there’s no point in starting your lesson.”

“Yes, Frau Sala,” replied Bill. 

Instead of reading however, he pulled out Bill H’s journal and started recording the day’s events, making sure to ask what FSMDAD stood for, as he hadn’t dared to ask Papa earlier on. Luckily, Frau Sala didn’t seem to have a problem with him writing instead of reading, as she just ignored him while continuing to mark his homework.

His other lessons passed by without any incidents. Fighting Class on the other hand, was a completely different story, for Bill had been so focused on academics and music that he had completely forgotten about Fighting Class. Ivana was _not_ amused to discover that “Young Master Bill” seemed to have forgotten all his lessons over the three-day weekend.

“How iz it dat hyu ken forget all uf last veek’s lessons? Hef hyu not been practicing?” she demanded.

“Sorry?” offered Bill with a sheepish grin.

This only made Ivana scowl harder. “Listen here, Master Bill,” she said, her tail thumping the ground as she spoke. “Learning to fight iz vun uf de most necessary skills for a Heterodyne. Oddervise, how iz hyu going to cope ven an assassin attacks hyu? Hyu’ll vish hyu listened to Ivana den!”

Bill blinked at her. “Assassin?” he echoed. “Why would assassins want to kill _me_? I’m just a kid, after all.”

Ivana glanced briefly upwards before answering. “Assassins iz vat iz called an ock-hyu-pay-sha-nal hazard uf being an Europan noble.” She pointed a clawed finger at him. “Chust be glad dat hyu vas not born in vun uf de Storm Lord families. Not only do dose keeds hef to vorry about assassins, dey gots to vorry about getting offed by deir various aunts, uncles und cousins too.”

Ivana made a show of rolling up her sleeves and gave him a nasty grin. “Anyvay, hyu dun hef to vorry about dose keeds now because Hy iz going to drill hyu extra hard today und for de rest uf de veek. Maybe den hyu von’t forget hyour lessons de _next_ time dere iz a long weekend, ja?”

Bill gulped.

Ivana was true to her word. By the time she was done with him, he was so exhausted that he felt as if he could barely move, much less walk to the main entrance where Mama was waiting in her mechanical carriage. In the end, Papa had to carry him to the entrance with Barry trailing behind.

“Ivana’s right, you know,” Papa informed him. “Fighting _is_ a very important skill for a Heterodyne to know.”

“But isn’t that what a Honour Guard’s for?” demanded Bill. 

Papa tweaked his nose lightly. “That’s true, but assassins often come in groups and all it takes is one to slip past their guard, and _then_ you’ll be in trouble.” 

“Oh,” said Bill in a small voice. And here he thought that Europa was a safer place than his own world.

Papa gave him a comforting squeeze. “You don’t have to worry so much about assassins here in Mechanicsburg. For one thing, any assassin coming after you would have to go through the Castle, the Guards and the Jägers. And there’s your mother, of course.” He puffed up with pride. “She once gutted a would-be assassin like a fish, you know?”

Bill stared at him as he tried to imagine sweet-looking Mama fighting assassins. It was Barry though that tugged on Papa’s pants and asked, “Wait, Mama did _what_? I don’t remember her doing anything like that!”

Papa smiled down at him. “You and Bill here were just babies when it happened, so it’s unsurprising that you don’t remember,” he told him. “But yes, she did. That’s what mothers are like. They’ll fight like _anything_ for their children.”

He turned back to Bill. “As I was saying, Mechanicsburg is a lot safer. Once you leave the town though, that’s when the assassins will come out of the woodwork. So, it’s best you be prepared now, understand?”

Bill nodded in reply. 

Soon, the three of them reached the main entrance and Papa put Bill in the backseat, with Barry scrambling in after. Mama and Papa shared a kiss through the open window before Mama drove off.

Bill snuggled into the backseat cushions as he thought. He was going to have to talk to Bill H about the fighting lessons. Unlike the violin, it was going to be very difficult for him to find someone to teach him Muggle fighting, much less someone that knew Ivana’s style of fighting. His eyes started to droop. Yes, he’d have to write it in the journal once they got back home. Just after he rested his eyes for a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song about the Red Heterodyne is taken with permission from willowoak_walker’s awesome fic: Notes regarding the folksongs of Mechanicsburg (and environs). Please check it out.  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/12817095


	16. Chapter 16

Bill Weasley slowly stretched as he laid in his own little bed. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep in Mama’s carriage last night, but fortunately it looked as if both Bills needed to be asleep for “The Switch” to take place as he had woken up just as soon as they reached Mama’s house. Which meant that he had time to write down the remainder of the day in Bill H’s journal. He winced as he thought about yesterday’s events. He had apologised to Bill H in his journal for getting him punished, but he still felt guilty about it. He did hope though that Bill H would be able to find a solution to him dealing with his fighting classes as there was no way he’d be able to get Muggle fighting classes in his own world.

Bill looked to the left, where his own journal was lying on the pillow. He picked it up and then sat up in bed. He wondered what Bill H had done during his turn as he flipped the pages to get to his entry. Aha, here it was!

“Dear ~~BW~~ Bill Journal,” began Bill H’s entry. “I would like to start out today’s entry by saying sorry for getting ~~you~~ in trouble.”

Oh no, just what had Bill H _done_? Bill read on to see what happened.

“It started out like this: I woke up this morning to see Charlie sleeping next to me. When he got up, he started crying because he’d been dreaming about meeting a dragon and was very upset that he didn’t get to do it in real life. So I thought I’d cheer him up by taking him flying in the yard on our toy broomsticks. (It didn’t work, by the way). Since flying on our broomsticks failed to cheer him up, I decided that this called for a more drastic method, so I borrowed one of the adult broomsticks from the broom shed and told Charlie to sit behind me. We didn’t fly very high or very far - just to the orchard behind the garden - but Mum was very angry when she caught us on the broomstick. We both got a spanking each before getting yelled at - well, me more than Charlie because it was my idea - and then Mum confiscated our broomsticks and put in the shed with the other brooms and locked the door so we couldn’t take them back as punishment. Oh, we also don’t get dessert for a whole month. But on the plus side, flying on an adult broomstick _did_ cheer Charlie up, so there’s one good thing out of the whole mess!”

Bill groaned. No dessert for an entire month and no playing with his toy broomstick either! Blow Bill Heterodyne for getting him into trouble once again! And now he didn’t feel bad at all about saddling him with extra work in fighting class. He read on, but the rest of the first day entry was fairly mundane, other than Bill H and Charlie having to stay close to Mum under strict supervision for the rest of the day and getting another scolding from Dad when he came back from work. Bill turned the page over to the next entry.

“After lunch, Mum said that the baby was coming so Dad rushed all of us to St Mungo’s Hospital at once. Mum got taken into the Labour Room while we all had to wait outside and then Uncle Fabian and Uncle Gideon showed up. Dad said that the baby could take an awful long time to come out, so he asked Uncles Fabian and Gideon if they could take me and Charlie around Diagon Alley while he waited.”

“First, our uncles took us to the joke shop and promised to buy us a joke item each. I wanted to get a Fanged Frisbee but Uncle Fabian said no because ‘Mum would _really_ kill them’. The same went for the Screaming Yo-yo. In the end, I got a Dungbomb while Charlie got a bar of Frog Spawn Soap. According to Uncle Gideon, if you put the soap bar in water, it will dissolve into living tadpoles. I asked if the tadpoles were cryogenically frozen in the bar, but he only looked confused at my question.”

“Next, we all went to Florean Fortescue’s Ice Cream Parlour for ice-creams. I had a chocolate and gingerbread ice-cream with sprinkles on top while Charlie had a strawberry and peanut butter one. After that, Charlie wanted to go see the pet animals in the Menagerie but just as we were about to go, this silvery weasel that looked like it was made out of mist, came up to us and spoke in Dad’s voice, and told us that Mum had already given birth and to come back to St Mungo’s Hospital. I asked Uncle Fabian about the weasel and he said that it was a Patronus, which is a defensive charm and is very, very advanced magic. I asked what it was for and he said it’s mostly used as protection against Dementors and Lethifolds. (By the way, what’s a Lethifold and what’s so scary about Dementors? I didn’t dare to ask him then.)”

“Anyway, we got back to the hospital and went to the obstetrics ward where Mum and the baby were waiting for us. The new baby’s name is Percival, but we’re all calling him Percy and he has red hair like everyone else in the family. Percy is very tiny and cute. When I go back, I will ask Mama if she can make a new baby brother for me and Barry to play with. Mum let me hold him for a while when I was sitting down in one of the chairs. He held one of my fingers and Mum said that that was Percy’s way of saying hello to me. Dad took a picture of me holding Percy, so I suppose you’ll see it in Percy’s photo album because that’s where he said he was going to put it. By the way, how do babies come out of their mothers? I always thought it was through operations, but when Charlie asked, all the grown-ups looked at each other all awkward-like and then Dad finally said that he’d tell us the answer to that when we’re seventeen.”

Bill squawked in outrage. He couldn’t _believe_ that he had missed his brother’s birth! But then again, he’d gotten to go on the Health Round and attend Founder’s Day Festival in Bill H’s place so he guessed that it balanced out. 

The rest of the second day’s entry was about how they had to leave Mum and baby Percy behind in the hospital for observation. The adults then took Bill H and Charlie to the Leaky Cauldron for dinner. After that, they bade Uncle Fabian and Uncle Gideon goodbye before heading home.

Bill turned the page. The next entry talked about picking up Mum and Percy from the hospital once they were discharged in the morning. Then there was the surfeit of relatives descending on their house to see the new baby in the afternoon. Bill was frankly relieved to have missed _that_ event. He scarcely envied Bill H who had to put up with the inevitable cheek pinching and wet smooches from various female relatives on his behalf. At least they made Mum’s life easier by bringing meals over so she wouldn’t have to cook. Bill H hadn’t mentioned what dishes they had brought over, so Bill hoped that it was something tasty.

“PS, I put the Dungbomb in the drawer where you keep all your Chocolate Frog cards. Mum and Dad don’t know about it,” was the last sentence Bill H wrote.

Bill took his journal to his table and flipped the pages to Bill H’s second entry. He then took an eraser from his pencil box and rubbed out Bill H’s sentence about asking Mama for another sibling. There! Now if Mum ever went through his journal, there wouldn’t be anything suspicious!

And as for Bill H’s questions... it was best to answer them now before he forgot. Bill picked up his pencil and began to write.

“Dementors are the prisen guards of Azkaban. Dey are scary becos dey will suck all your good memarees away and make you tink of bad memarees. I dun no what a Lethifold is, but I wil ask. And as for your sekend kwestion, I was told during the sekend Switch dat vimen have a sekret opening where babies come out from. I askd Mum where it was and she went very red and said dat it was a very rood kwestion and not to ask peepel dat.”

Bill flung down his pencil once he was done writing and raced out of the door, eager to see his new baby brother. 

He was the last one to reach the kitchen and was just in time to see Dad take the Floo to work. Mum was sipping a cup of tea, looking exhausted while Charlie sat next to her, eating a slice of toast. 

“There you are, Bill,” said Mum. “I was just about to ask Charlie to wake you up. Now, why don’t you sit down and have some breakfast.”

Bill _was_ hungry, but he was more interested in the contents of the crib in the corner. He quickly walked over to it, and stood on tiptoe to peer over the crib. 

Well, Bill H was right about the baby being tiny. “Cute” on the other hand, was another story, for Percy was all wrinkly and his skin had a yellowish tinge to it. Just then, Percy opened his eyes and blinked up at Bill.

“Hello, Percy,” said Bill.

Percy’s only response to his brother’s greeting was to open his mouth and start wailing. Mum immediately rushed to the crib. 

“There, there, Percy, don’t cry. Mum’s here,” crooned Mum as she picked Percy up and put him to her breast. Percy’s cries immediately stopped as he started to nurse. Bill frowned at the baby. Was his face so scary that it made him cry?

“Oh, don’t look like that, Bill. Percy only cried because he was hungry,” said Mum, correctly guessing the reason for his frown.

Bill relaxed. Huh, that did make sense. “Mum, why is Percy’s skin all yellowish?” asked Bill.

“Because he’s got a touch of jaundice, that’s why,” answered Mum. “I’ll have to take him to the Healer Shop in Diagon Alley for a check-up after lunch. Now, why don’t you go eat your breakfast? The faster you eat, the faster I get to clear the table.”

Bill obediently sat at the table and buttered himself a slice of bread. Charlie cocked his head and gave him a questioning look, to which Bill mouthed the words “I’m back” at him. Charlie gave him a double thumbs-up in reply. His eyes flicked over to Mum and when he saw that she was still busy with Percy, he leaned over and whispered, “Later, tell me what happened in Bill H’s world, okay?”

“After breakfast, alright?” Bill whispered back.

Charlie nodded eagerly and both boys ate their breakfast as quickly as they could. Charlie having had a head start, finished first but had to wait for his brother to be done. As soon as Bill finished his meal, Charlie grabbed him by the arm and pulled him outside.

Once they were in the garden, Charlie turned to Bill. “Now, tell me what happened in Mechanicsburg? Did you see Franz?” he asked, bouncing on the balls of his toes.

Bill rolled his eyes. “No, I didn’t see Franz this time,” he told his brother. “Now here’s what I did in Mechanicsburg-“

Bill told Charlie all about what had happened while he was in Bill H’s place. Charlie sat on the ground as he talked, listening attentively with his head propped in his hands.

“I wish I could’ve gone to Tiny Monster Island too,” sighed Charlie once Bill had finished his story. “Those monsters sound really cute.”

Bill snorted. “You would’ve tried to smuggle a few back if you did,” he said.

Charlie grinned and rubbed the back of his head. “I guess I would have,” he admitted ruefully. 

Just then, Mum put her head out the window and yelled for them to come back in for lessons. Bill and Charlie both groaned but dutifully trooped back in for their lessons.

After lunch, they accompanied Mum and Percy to the Healer Shop. The Healer looked Percy over and declared that he only had a mild case of jaundice. However, she still gave Mum a potion to cure his jaundice.

It was after tea when Bill finally gathered up the courage to ask his mother about his broomstick. Bill H hadn’t mentioned when she’d give it back, after all. Mum was currently sitting in her favourite chair, reading a Witch Weekly magazine and Bill judged that she was in a relatively good mood, which of course meant that this was the best time to ask. He wiped his hands on his pants before approaching her.

“Mum, when can I get my broomstick back?” he asked.

“Not for another month at least, and that’s _only_ if I’m feeling generous,” she answered from behind her magazine.

“But Mum-“ started Bill.

Mum slammed the magazine down on her lap. “Don’t you ‘but Mum’ me, William Weasley! Do you have any idea how dangerous that stunt of yours was? Riding your father’s broom by yourself and without any adult supervision at all? And on top of that, you had Charlie riding behind you as well! It’s a _miracle_ that you both didn’t break your necks!”

Mum was really working herself up now.

“Can you imagine how I felt when I looked out the window and saw both of you on your father’s broomstick, just zooming through the orchard?” she continued. “And then of course, _neither_ of you knew how to land the broom, so I had to cast the Impediment Jinx on it from my own broomstick and _then_ tow you both to the ground!”

Her voice wavered and she visibly blinked back tears. “You both could’ve gotten hurt - or worse, been _killed_! So no, no more broomsticks for either of you until I’ve decided you’ve earned it back. Do you understand?”

Bill hung his head. “Yes, Mum,” he mumbled. 

“Good,” replied Mum. She then picked back up her magazine and went back to reading. 

Bill trudged back to his room, feeling rather upset. He opened the door to see Charlie sitting on his bed playing with his stuffed dragon.

“So, what did Mum say about our broomsticks?” asked Charlie.

Bill scowled. “She said that she’s not going to give them back until we’ve shown that we deserve it,” he replied. He kicked at a toy block on the floor, sending it flying across the room. “It’s not fair!” he burst out. “I wasn’t the one who took the broom out and yet _I’m_ the one getting punished for it!”

“Bill H was just trying to cheer me up!” retorted Charlie. “He didn’t know that Mum would be _that_ mad about us borrowing Dad’s broom. Also, he _did_ get punished for it - Mum gave him a huge scolding and a spanking too!”

Bill’s shoulders slumped. Charlie had a point there. At least he had missed that part of the punishment even though he would mourn the loss of his toy broomstick and dessert privileges. Also, he supposed that he _had_ gotten his own back by getting Bill H in trouble with Ivana.

“Did you at least have fun riding on Dad’s broomstick?” he asked. 

Charlie brightened and nodded vigorously. “Uh-huh,” he replied. “We quickly figured out how to go up and dive, but we had a bit of difficulty learning how to turn the broom left and right. I wanted to go up to the clouds, but Bill H refused because he didn’t want to get you injured if anything wrong happened, so we just stuck to below treetop level and went zooming about in the orchard.” His eyes went dreamy. “It was really so much fun - right until Mum caught us, that is.” 

“Yeah, I heard how she had to use the Impediment Jinx on you,” said Bill. 

Charlie nodded again. “Uh-huh. She yelled at us to stop and come down, but we didn’t know how to stop the broom _or_ how to land, so we ended up going in circles until Mum cast the Jinx and towed the broom down.”

“I see,” said Bill. He would’ve liked to ride an adult broomstick by himself too. Sure, his father and uncles had taken him out on broomstick rides, but they were never very high or very fast. He didn’t think that he’d be allowed to get on a broomstick anytime in the near future now.

“Want to play Gobstones?” Charlie’s voice interrupted his reverie.

Bill shrugged. “Yeah, sure.”

Charlie got out the Gobstones set and the two boys played until they were called for dinner. Dinner itself was a quiet affair as neither of the two wanted to draw their mother’s attention.

Mum was just clearing away the dishes when Dad snapped his fingers and exclaimed, “Oh, I’d almost forgotten!” He then pulled out a packet from his robes. “I’ve already gotten the photos of Percy’s birth.”

“Ooh, Dad, can I see?” asked Bill, waving a hand in the air. 

“I want to see too!” yelled Charlie.

“Alright, here you go,” laughed Dad and he handed over the packet of photos to Bill.

Bill eagerly pulled out the photos and flipped through them, with Charlie looking over his shoulder. Here was a picture of baby Percy being held by a Mediwitch, wailing the entire time. Here was another of him lying in a bassinet. There was a picture of Mum holding Percy in her arms, looking exhausted but pleased nonetheless. Another of Dad holding Percy, a picture of _both_ his parents with Percy, Mum with Percy again and - oh, here it was. 

It was a picture of himself sitting in a chair with baby Percy in his lap, who was holding his index finger. The Bill in the photo was alternating between staring down at the baby with awe and looking at the camera with delight clearly painted all over his face. It was a rather disconcerting feeling to look at your own face and know that it wasn’t really you.

Charlie made a grab for the other photos, and Bill allowed him to take them, still staring at the picture of Bill H in his body. After a while, he smiled down at the photo. 

“Hey, Bill H,” he whispered. Bill then put the photo on top of the pile of seen photos and went to wrestle Charlie for possession of the other photos.

————————————————————

Babies, Bill decided, were rather boring. He didn’t know any other babies, but if Percy was an example of babykind, then all they ever did was eat, sleep and cry. He made sure to inform Bill H of this fact. Sure, his mother had claimed that Percy would be more fun in a few more months and that he’d be able to play with them in another year or so, but really that would take an _eternity_ to happen.

More importantly however, was the fact that he’d be starting at Dame Gently’s Wizarding Primary School today! Sure it was no Hogwarts, but it was still the school his parents and uncles had attended when they were young. Uncles Fabian and Gideon in particular, had told him many stories about their earlier ventures in pranking when they had attended primary school.

Just the last weekend, his parents had taken them to Diagon Alley to buy his school supplies and some secondhand textbooks for class. The school had no uniform, so Bill was wearing his usual clothes. Mum was currently tugging at his clothes to make them look neat and fussing over his appearance. Bill let out a sigh when she wiped at his mouth to remove a last trace of jam.

“Mum, can we go now? We’re going to be late,” he said impatiently.

“We still have time, Bill, don’t fret,” replied Mum as she brushed a piece of lint off his shoulder. She then sat back and beamed at him. “It seems like just the other day that you were a baby in my arms, and now it’s your first day at school.” She sniffed and wiped her eyes gently before standing up again. “You have everything with you, don’t you?”

Bill sighed again. “Yes Mum, we packed my bag together last night, remember?”

“And your handkerchief?” she persisted.

Bill briefly pulled out his handkerchief from a pocket. Mum nodded in approval. “Right, in that case, we should get a move on. Come on, Bill.”

Bill picked up his schoolbag and followed her to the fireplace. 

“Bye Bill, have a good day at school!” yelled Charlie who was sitting at the table, playing Exploding Snap with Uncle Fabian who had offered to babysit while Mum was taking him to school.

“I will!” Bill yelled back.

“Don’t do anything that I wouldn’t do!” called Uncle Fabian.

“He’d better not!” snapped Mum back. This only made Uncle Fabian laugh, which made Mum scowl even more at him.

Mum took a handful of Floo powder from the flowerpot on the mantle and then threw it into the fireplace, turning the flames an emerald green. She then took Bill by the hand and walked into the flames.

“Dame Gently’s Wizarding Primary School,” she called. And the Floo whisked them away to school and a new adventure.


End file.
